Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It Sucks to be a Straight Guy in Hollywood

My coworker and I found amazing parking around the corner from the club.  The bouncer looked at us and priced us, "the girl is free and you are $20."  Seriously?

La Vida on Saturday is disgusting.
Douchebags everywhere and girls who are over done.

I bought drinks for the ladies... because I felt naturally obligated to pay for women despite the fact that my goal wasn't to sleep with them.  Maybe I feel bad that they'll be hitting glass ceiling in their careers at some time, but they are nice people when they aren't catty.  I figured, hey, you shared your hot Cheetos with me at work... I'll buy you a patron shot.

3 Patron shots, closed my tab... $42.

Beautiful.  At least the music was amazing.  They had hip hop accompanied by a live drum player.  Straight clubs have the best music.

God, it sucks to be a straight guy.  One of the girls didn't even thank me for my ridiculous purchase.   And now what?  We dance?  I observed creepster guys do creepster things. I was used as a cock block.  These creepster guys who blow so much cash going to these places on a regular basis in hopes of getting some stupid hoe girl drunk so that they can take them home only to get blocked by the sassy gay friend.  Poor straight guys.

But I must say, the ladies looked hot.  Girls are teases, willing to accept your drinks, willing to dance with you for one song and willing to leave you the second they find their girlfriends.  Manipulative.  Not these ladies of course, but the species of women in general. Poor straight guys.
I mean, I had a good time, but fuck I was getting poorer with every minute I stayed.  Is the good music worth this?  I observed other straight guys take stabs at trying to dance with girls.  I overheard bro-dude talk... everyone had some sort of character that they were trying to play here.  Some sort of act.  The atmosphere was grimy.

No one seemed approachable.  We left and the valet was a mess.  Fights and accidents everywhere as expected.  My coworker told me that if her bf found out some guys were hitting on her he would be down there with his posse in 5 minutes and then there would be cops and yellow tape everywhere.  She was serious and told a story.

We found an amazing Thai place patronized by Thai people and with a Thai band playing. As we sat on the patio I felt like I was in Thailand.

As we enjoyed the best padthai of my life I thought to myself again: it sucks to be a straight in Hollywood.

There is no THE ONE.

I posted on my facebook status, "Attention 20 something year olds: there is no "THE ONE" stop searching and focus on your careers.  You'll be happier for it."

This was sparked by my AIM conversations about the mindset of 20 something year olds.  It was reposted by other friends, but folks had something to say about my definitive remark.

I thought it was interesting what people had to say.

Uncertain Human Connection

I would prefer it that I date people who chat online because there are particular conversations that you have online that do not happen face to face or through text. And it's the idea of knowing that they are available to talk compared to feeling like you are intruding when you call/ text them.

I had two very interesting conversations today with folks I've recently met. I successfully sparked epiphanies with both parties talking about being single. I would like to think that I have enough wisdom and experience to share to others, but in reality, I don't, so I must blog it out to reassure myself.

I personally DONT want to experience pain and disappointment and would like to relish in the freedom of my 20s by embracing free love and flirtations. Commitment is not worth risking heartache (for now). But I still would like to connect with people. I don't want to expect anything from anyone and would just like to enjoy uncertainty.

If I hook up with someone I'd like to ask them to stay to cuddle so that I connect with another human in that moment for longer than 1.5 hours. Why, do we need to leave after we hook up with someone? Please stay and talk to me... and then leave in the morning to return to your life. Because if you leave at 2AM, I will feel dirty and empty. If you leave at 10AM, I will feel like I have successfully made that connection. A connection that may or may not be emotional... but let's not figure that out tomorrow.

Over AIM I talked about how it's impossible to recreate first love. In relationships proceeding first love, we attached ourselves to the first spark that we feel because we are relieved that we are capable of experiencing the same amazing sensations of first love with someone else. In actuality, we are not actually experiencing that same love, but rather remembering what it feels like and projecting it.

And that's why it's good to take things slow... so that something new can develop that's different from previous love.

I advised my new friends not to be so eager to put pressure in defining relationships, but rather let feelings breath and manifest organically. You can't demand a definition because there may not be an answer at the time. "What are we?" ... "Does it matter?" Why are we in such a hurry... we are gay, our eggs do not rot with time. We are young, we have other matters to deal with. "Are we dating?" "Are you interested?" ... Often, the answer is, I don't know.

What's more fun? Knowing the answer to these questions or being uncertain?  

It's the uncertainty that excites me- not knowing where anything is going and not letting that stop you touching, frustrate you to insanity or drain you so that you no longer have any sort of energy to do anything else. It is during uncertainty that you melt when you win the who-contacts-who-first game. And if it doesn't happen, you are able to just shrug your shoulders and focus on other things/relationships. At the same time, it's not being afraid to admit that you're thinking of them, tug at their heart strings.

I enjoy making connections with undefined titles and letting things develop naturally; to enjoy company without expectation and experience relationships without pressure.  Even though I'm single.... I don't feel alone.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Gay Protest Signs

This made me tear up a little.  Thanks for the share Carl.

Portland - Saturday - Amazing Cooperative Living

Portland, Oregon is a city run by people in their twenties. But not just anyone in their twenties, rather young adults who live off recycling, cheap beer and living cooperatively as much as possible.

What does that mean for us? ... an Epic adventure garage saling. Two bikes were purchased and some attire for Diana's Burning Man adventure. I feel that the community buys and sells back things to be used and shared. Things are always cycling through and as a result we found at least 5 amazing garage sales just driving around.

Portland, Oregon's food carts trump LA's food trucks because they are not polluted by pretension and lines. In LA, I am forced to eat on curbs where the debris mixes with my take away meal. Portland food carts have a permanent location. They don't have parking tickets like the LA food trucks because they legitimately belowng there and often have designated picnic eating areas. LA has so many empty lots that aren't being used because the whole county is privately owned!!!

Food Cart #1 : Grilled Cheese Grill. A school bus turned eating space.

Food Cart #2, #3, #4: area 23.
I helped myself to a Waffle with pesto, beef, mozzarella. Pretty amazing.

We explored Alexandra street fair which extended 15 blocks!
SoupCycle: local made soup delivered to your door with a subscription.

We made dinner by buying frozen pizza then adding fresh toppings: tomatoes, mushrooms, zucchini and ate it on Diana's amazing porch which was embellished by giant sunflowers.

That night I realized the amazing that is travelling by bike. We traveled around town in the dark on bikes. I felt the freedom that I experienced in Vietnam on a moPed. Though biking next to cars was terrifying, people understood Portland's biking culture.

I did get hit on by this dirty looking boy with dreadlocks. "Cute bike," he told me. I guess having a cute bike is equivalent to having a nice ride.

We must have biked miles and miles. We found ourselves at a chill bar after leaving a "crowded one." Which means all the tables are taken... Crowded in LA would mean you'd have to push to get to the bar.

We found our last food cart after biking so much that our vaginal muscles were sore.

Food Cart #5, #6. Poutine, which is fries with gravy and cheese curd. AND a chicken pot pie. The Hawthorne Food Carts were open late. Lots of drunk folks, but also a wedding photo shoot was taking place.

That was just Saturday. We spotted tons of lesbians. We also saw a handful of gender ambiguous individuals. And some gay folks, but these gay folks were not like plastic weho gays, but rather green gays who have gardens and sneeze organic mucus.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Hair Cycle

The barber said my hair looked jacked.

I told him that I've been cutting my own hair for a while with my roommate's clippers.  He responded, "heh... you murdered your hair."  I went to Bolt barbers, which is a reasonable $22 trendy barber shop downtown that stays open until 11PM on Thursday-Saturday.  The dude didn't spent too much time on my hair, but it's clean and fresh.

So here I am with basic Asian American spiky hair and a faux-tee on my chin to balance it out.  I didn't feel like doing anything too crazy.  It's been hot so I just wanted shorter hair.

The hair cycle restarts... watch it grow like a chia pet into the winter.  No more tails.. I'm over it.

Dealing with Stress

Last February when I was dealing with a lot of stress I got shingles.  I also didn't have medical inssurance.  I was left scarred on my chest which I don't mind because the spots make me look like a giraffe.

Back from a long vacation, I have a September launch to prepare for in 5 days and no one is providing the materials I need.  I don't mind if I'm yelled at, but the stress stems from owning this campaign.  I don't want this to fall through, this is my baby that I have been managing and I want this work.

Thankfully the LA sun is out.  My favorite pastrami food truck is on the street.  A good lunch and a quick call to one of my millions of lovers made me feel energized.

What a terrible feeling to have- stress. You can't be productive, you feel uneasy, you're uncomfortable... man I need to relax. Hmm.. and it seems that blogging about stress has help.  Alright, lets tackle this bad boy.. and then I can blog about my wonderful Portland trip.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Gay Asian Erotica

In Portland is Powell's bookstore: the worlds largest independent used/new bookstore.I found myself in the gay section the entire time looking for good Asian American Gay literature which I realized that day is very niche. Gay- Literature - Asian - American... what a key word search. I didn't find much. But really, everything I needed is online through blogs, it's just a matter of finding them.

Per the recommendation of ManFrancisco, I've been reading Wesley's Writings. I was initially turned off by the amount of words (considering how illiterate I am), but then captivated as each dating/sexual encounter was vividly painted. What makes gay Asian blog writing better is the expectation that these sex stories are real vignettes of someone's life. And why gay AND Asian? Because... I'd like to think that I'm connected to them.

Wesley captures my straight guy fetish precisely with this entry here. But as Wesley describes, "after a few too many conquests in the straight world I realized it wasn’t worth my time," I on the other hand still find it a favorite pastime. I enjoy my play time with a "straight" boy despite the emotional exhaustion.

At times I wish my friends didn't read this blog, its existence is evident. I find myself writing more inhibited. Sadface.

I'm flying home tonight. I have a handful of exciting wholesome fun to document.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Breaking and fixing electronics in Portland

I dropped my camera and got a lens error. I bought compressed air to blow out any particles that may be jamming the lens. it didn't work.

Per suggestion of Diana, I dropped the camera again in the same fashion and it came back to life!! Now im parading around diana's Portland home looking for broken electronics to drop from ridiculous heights.

Diana said to "look Portland" I have look a little dirty. I was Angry at myself for shaving and combing my hair. Apparently there's not that many Asians here. But since I have big hair, I'm sure they will be able to spot me.

Street fair today!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Portland Adventure

Heading to Portland, Oregon tomorrow to visit my friends Diana and Sandy who escaped California for je ne sais pas.

Let us explore and relax.  Love and enjoy.

I don't even know what Portland looks like, but I was told to bring swim trunks and not to compare the food too harshly to LA's.

Adventure awaits.

Let us volunteer and bike around the city.  I have coins for public transit and sunglasses to block the shade.

And I shall be checking work e-mails obsessively, but thankful to be out of reach.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


My boys in the bay are visiting labor day! :)

More shenanigans!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Gaga Loves you for being Freaky (not bitchy)

Went to the Lady Gaga concert and I should have dressed up, but there was NO TIME!  Instead some drugged up fans gave me their sunglasses on a stick.  Good enough.  Gaga so talented and very entertaining.  I enjoy it when she has rough sex with the grand piano.

Concert was pretty good.  -insert concert photos here-.  I'm actually not really into concerts.  I'd rather listen to the studio version of the songs and skip when I'm tired of the song.  Plus I get tired of standing and being smashed by 'tweens.  I'd probably enjoy a recording of the concert more.

My team is all women now and I... I have a lot to say about that, but will refrain as to not appear so sexist, and summarize by saying that I appreciate a little dichotomy in my work place. But these Gaga Monster fingers describe the situation the best... please retract your claws.

We made friends with the hotdog man. 10 please!
Speaking of food, I added some notes about Korean Burgers and Vietnamese Banh Cuon on my previous entry.

Monday, August 16, 2010


Can you imagine living in Malibu where your backyard leads to the beach?
You needed a key to enter this beach that's a part of a very rich community.

For the day, we owned this beach.

I learned how to paddle board.  Or rather, I jumped into the water with this over-sized surfboard and balanced with a large paddle and made it up while my coworkers were screaming instructions.  That's not me btw.  I could only get on my knees.  But I managed to pass the breaking waves and then paddle my way back into shore very smoothly


Photo c/o Jimmy

Jimmy discovered Vista Hermosa Park next to our house while exploring our neighborhood during his quest for inspiration.  A park complete with manicured grass, fountain and small amphitheater.

The other day Jimmy and I chatted about victimizing oneself for sake of attention and pity from others.  I told Jimmy a story in which he gave a neutral reaction.  "I'm assuming by your response that you've heard worse," I told Jimmy.  He confirmed my theory.

My life isn't hard.  I haven't experienced hardship, but I find myself in a couple of instances where I point out how much life sucks... when it really doesn't.  "Well, you learned from it. You grew from it.  I'm not going to feel bad for you."  Jimmy responded something along those lines.  After all, I was telling a story about something that happened years ago.  I did not need consoling, I was telling the story for the 'wow' response. He continued to say that we have a choice, we have more control than we think we do and there is no reason to make ourselves the victim when the situation helped us develop as a person.  And besides, why do you want people to feel bad for you.  Why do you want people to see how weak you are and how you weren't able to control the outcome of the situation.

Life doesn't suck.  Just do it.

That's something I usually remind myself.  I hope it allows me to be drama-free as possible and positive.  I hope never to victimize myself.  I am in control of my life... and hope to make the right choices.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

All I Do is Eat/Drink

My homeboys are coming to visit on Labor day weekend and I'm trying to come up with places to take them... but all I can think of is food.

Homemade Grilled corn Sunday snack.

Coworkers invited me to szechuan style hot pot.  I thought they were going to do it at their place, but there was authentic place in SGV called Lu Gi.  The waiters were extra helpful picking the ingredients for us.  I ordered Yam knots because it reminded me of sukiyaki with Chris in college, I believe those were one of his favorite things for hot pot/sukiyaki.  Almost as good as the hotpots that we have at 321.

Oh yes. Open Vodka bar at Bardot on Tuesday.  Great dj- they played Lauren Hill's Doo Wop (That Thing).  Ya'll know the lyrics.

On Friday, I went to the OC to spend time with Michelle.  As predicted we found a late night Viet place in Little Saigon.  Oh delicious duck eggnoodle:

It's because we are Vietnamese with glasses.  Could you remind me of the name of that place, Michelle? I must return, it was such an extensive Vietnamese menu.  All it needed was Caramelized Fish claypot.  WHERE DO THEY HAVE THAT?!

==== edit ====
Yelp is the best thing for a business.  I discovered Hoan Kiem in Chinatown LA which specializes in Banh Cuon.  It had a simple menu and description of the recipe that had been passed down through the grandparents.  Delicious!  Handsome Michael loves Vietnamese food.

I also discovered Kalbi Burger with Jimmy as it was featured on YelpLA's front page.  Korean beef in a burger!!  It was delicious and with free valet parking.  A must try in K-town.  Apparently a lot of folks at the joint that night also stumbled upon it through yelp.  The  owner expressed gratitude for Yelp's service.  If you food is amazing, people will come.  This photo does NOT do it justice: