The Lure of Making Out at Night Clubs

With a few drinks in your veins, you become uninhibited.

My friends say that your true self emerges when you're intoxicated. The self control that allows you to properly behave in society vaporizes as if alcohol erases rules and logic written on a white board.  Making good life choices is difficult, but having fun is not especially since there's nothing to hold you back.

Maybe this explains why sexual energy is heightened when you're drunk.  Because we are all social and sexual beings that need the attention, affirmation and physical connection.  And maybe this explains why it feels so good to make out with someone at a club - at least for me.

I just met you, and this is crazy, but I am wasted and I want you baby.

It doesn't matter who's around us

The music, the energy, the alcohol.  Grinding and moving to a rhythm.  Stealing touches and looks.  Night time lighting and bedroom eyes.  Making out while dancing is like having sex in public.

You feel like you've satisfied a primordial need that has been programed into our DNA since existence.  You feel attractive.  Confident.  Flattered.  Especially since it was so easy and casual... with a mutually shared glass of Jameson on the rocks.

We gays compartmentalize ourselves so that we hang out with the people that we find attractive.  In doing so it is almost guaranteed that someone there who you find attractive is drunk enough to make out with your ugly face.

Simply put there are no bear clubs for straight people to attend and get unregretfully slutty.  I digress...

I remember taking pictures of my friends going at it in the middle of the club because I found it hilarious.  But thinking about it now, I've realized that we shouldn't ridicule or tease our friends too harshly when they are caught in the act... after all they are getting the action and we are just jealous observers.

Making out at the club is fun.  The energy surrounds you and you feel like a mild exhibitionist.  Any ounce of feeling unattractive, undesirable, unwanted goes away instantly. It's good for your soul.  If you feel like you're being judged just pull your partner to one of many dark corners and affirm your attraction and fulfill your animalistic desires in private.  But I don't mind...

"Get a room?" We have a room - it's call the dance floor you sober fuck.

When Straight Guys Use Gay Guys

It's pretty obvious when I hit on a guy.  But I was a little unprepared for this one.

This new guy appeared into my life a couple of months ago and he was uber cute.  I couldn't tell if he was gay or not, but he dressed well, was my height and had a killer smile.  I did what I usually do when I hit on guys - put on my giraffe hat and my fuck-me face and make conversation.  "HOW YOU DOIN?"

He was friendly, I talked to him on AIM pretty aggressively and weaseled my way into being facebook friends where I discovered that he had ZERO friends in common and that he played volleyball.  gay.  Someone of a different circle, how interesting.  And of course, playing this twisted which-team-do-you-play-on game excited me.

I talked to him after hours when I saw him online as well and sent him random pictures of things I thought were funny.  Subtle flirtation turned to max.

He began to give off vibes.  He hollered at me when I walked by to show me random shit and made small talk.  He touched my shoulders and arms bromantically as we passed through the halls.  Sweet!

Finally, I got him in an alcoholic setting where he put his arm around my shoulder, *swoon.*
"Chris!"
"hey!" I was thrilled that he was being really friendly.
"buy me a drink"
"excuse me?"
"dude when ever I go to gay bars, dudes always buy me a drink."
"right."

He was already two shots in.  We were not at a gay bar, but he continued raving about gay places.  Apparently his gay friends take him out all the time.  "Gay bar" is the biggest coming out topic bomb you can drop, but he talked about going gay clubbing in a different way than I had anticipated.

He continued, "I love GAY bars! Girls have their guard down, they are so easy!"
"Right, they trust you.  They just want to dance."
"exactly... anyway, do you ever notice that girl?  man, she's hot." He pointed across the bar.
"She's cute." I didn't agree, but I just said yeah.
"Yeah.. I'm not gay or anything." He dropped the, just-to-clarify bomb.
"I didn't think so."  I lied. he was compensating and he continued to talk about every girl in the room as if he was trying to provide evidence that he wasn't gay despite everything he had said/done two seconds ago.

"Which gay bar did you go to?" I asked him.
"Uhh dude, i dont know.. um.. Cherry pop?"  what a liar, he knew where he was.
"I LOVE CHERRY POP!" I exclaimed as I was just there this weekend.
"Of course you do." The way he said this made me feel uneasy.

I walked away felling weird.  He was such a dude-bro.  He talked about how the girl he was eying had a boyfriend, but "whatever."  I felt taken advantage of.  He wanted ME to buy HIM a drink knowing that I was flirting with him in the beginning.

WTF.

Like any self respecting American party boy, I will buy drinks for pretty girls and then dance with them.  But if I'm buying a boy a drink it's because 1.) they're my friend or 2.) there's potential for something.  But I ain't buying you a drink so you can relive your awesome gay club experiences just because you want to capitalize on my obvious interest.

I think it's hilarious when this happens to other gay guys.  But man, when it happens to you... you feel so used.

I saw him again that night where he told me I should be his wing man.  He probably saw that I was getting groovy with the ladies.  I joked that I would be good and he agreed.  "OF COURSE YOU WOULD!"  God.  SUCH a user.  He wanted a gay friend to buy him drinks and get him into some panties.  How evil, how nasty.... how brilliant.  ugh.

I need to stop this straight/closeted fetish.

Anyway.  I shouldn't be hitting on any boys anyway and retire this giraffe hat.  My sexy HOW YOU DOIN face is too hawt to be used this often.

Summertramp DTLA Waterpark 2010

This event could only be described in bullet points (or I'm just that lazy)

• Take a dive bar with a huge parking lot.  
• Cover the lot with turf. 
• Put in an above ground pool.
• Install a giant water slide.  
• Give out waterguns
• Get Vitamin water to give out free Vitamin Water
• Get a food truck to give out free tacos
• Get two guys with their asses hanging out to serve jello shots
• Have free alcohol from noon -1PM
• Hire an amazing DJ
• Have Grindr advertise
• Have Mr.Black advertise
• Donate the proceeds to some non-profit with the letters LGBT in it...

....and you have Summertramp.

Can you spot my underarm bush?  No apologizes this time, it's a pool party.

I brought my underwater disposable camera so you'll see those pictures like next year.

Down the street was the American Apparel factory store.  We felt like we were at a rooftop party in New York.  But that's the thing about LA, you can be anywhere.. and still be in LA.  I guess that's why a lot of movies are shot here.

When I got home, I rushed to the bathroom.  I think the communal pool gave me dysentery.

MJ Surprises

Jimmy and Jae wanted to do a little drinky drank and a little dancey dance on Friday. And after throwing some ideas around we decided to go to MJs. Probably my favorite gay bar in LA. Good drink deals, local with parking everywhere, music is amazing on Friday, you can be yourself and you avoid the greatly intertwined melodramatic gaysian community of LA who frequent we-vomit-ho.

I never bring a camera to MJs because they have a photographer that just walks around. I chased him down and asked for a group photo, but they didn't post it on their site. But they did post this picture on the left where my face is turned away. I guess the point is to entice people to come, not scare them away. Gotcha. I must say my 3 cowlicks look hot.

Before we entered the club we saw a line, "oh there it is!" Jimmy's boyfriend proclaimed since this was his first time, but as we walked closer we were horrified.

There were about four senior citizens waiting in line to get into the club. Not just old people, but people from retirement homes... who were about to die. They had canes, white hair, square sunglasses to protect their cataract eyes from the florescent lights, they were hunched over. But no hearing aids, because the music was loud enough. "DID WE COME ON THE RIGHT NIGHT?!?!" I pulled out my iPhone to confirm. "Whatever, we are already here." Though we couldn't stop laughing. I couldn't believe we were going to be drinking our vodka tonics, surrounded by go-go dancers next to gramps.

In fact, we shared a table with one, and I kid you not, he was adjusting his dentures. Oh man.

==

Later in the night this really tall dude approached me. "Are you Chris?" I frantically looked through my mind cabinets- work, high school, neighbor?! Who are you!? I gave him a friendly hi and he explained that he "loves my blog!" and didn't mean to come off creepy.

Creepy? Please, I invented that word. He told me he read the whole thing and joked that I wasn't wearing my giraffe shirt which I responded, "I AM!" He laughed. We made some small talk and I thanked him and walked away. Love love love. So here's my shout out to you! Thanks for finding me somewhat entertaining, but I really recommend johneepixels7 he has better grammar. (And now was have the same shirt!!!)