There have been moments where I ask myself, "what the fuck is wrong with you?"
Why am I having these thoughts, these feelings, these distractions?
I've been moody lately, but I've contained it. There have been moments in which I really want some attention. Some comfort. Some excitement.
I'm in the mood to dance, to get some endorphins up, to feel good. To feel sexual and carefree. To be touchy and intimate.
I'm in the mood to dance, to get some endorphins up, to feel good. To feel sexual and carefree. To be touchy and intimate.
At least five of my friends are experiencing depression... clinical, leaving work, losing hair, losing family, addicted to drugs, addicted to alcohol, moving to random parts of the world, feeling insecure.
Piles and piles of emotional turmoil that some are addressing and some are suppressing. I remind people that we need to check up on each other because life can be lonely. Hurt feels lonely.
Someone said to me that it's hard for them to talk to anyone about whatever happened or what they're feeling because they’re afraid that people are gonna be upset with them. I can understand that, some things you just keep to yourself. You hide your demons... to ensure that your friends believe you are who you want them to think you are. You want people to continue to like you and respect you and believe that you are...genuine, innocent, faithful, generous, caring, respectful, honest, selfless.
So you lock those demons up, hoping that they don't eat you up inside; hoping that no one notices that sometimes your actions don't always match your morals.
I know I'm just in a mood. Anything I'm dealing with just feels small.
Someone said to me, "Chris, do you go to therapy? You don't need therapy."
Am I really that well-adjusted? Am I really that self aware? Am I really that level headed?
Quite possibly. But I think moreover I know what I need to do to heal: blog, dance, chill... with others so that we can remind each other that it's okay to feel like an imperfect human.
Someone said to me that it's hard for them to talk to anyone about whatever happened or what they're feeling because they’re afraid that people are gonna be upset with them. I can understand that, some things you just keep to yourself. You hide your demons... to ensure that your friends believe you are who you want them to think you are. You want people to continue to like you and respect you and believe that you are...genuine, innocent, faithful, generous, caring, respectful, honest, selfless.
...and not a sack of worthless garbage that you feel you are at times.
I know I'm just in a mood. Anything I'm dealing with just feels small.
Someone said to me, "Chris, do you go to therapy? You don't need therapy."
Am I really that well-adjusted? Am I really that self aware? Am I really that level headed?
Quite possibly. But I think moreover I know what I need to do to heal: blog, dance, chill... with others so that we can remind each other that it's okay to feel like an imperfect human.
