A Letter to a Friend

Today I saw my first therapist. At first I didn't know what to say, but then I couldn't stop talking. Talked about friendships, toxic people, loneliness... all of it in 50 minutes. Though blogging will always be my therapy, it was nice to get some immediate feedback.

He was a Gay Latino Dad. I put off finding a therapist because I didn't want a white women who couldn't relate to me and I was so happy to find him. He inspired me to write a letter, he recommended a book about attachment to people and he helped me understand that I need to welcome solitude instead of fearing loneliness. He also acknowledged that I have a high emotional intelligence which is something I've heard from other workshops I've attended. He reminded me that I should do things that make me happy that doesn't involve people. And blogging comes to mind... so here I am trying to take care of my mental health as I have been with my body by exercising.

I wrote to a friend to help me resolve one of the things that has floated in my mind this year and I plan to send it off tomorrow. Regardless of the response, I think sending it will help me come to terms with how I've been feeling with it.

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Hello,

A long time ago, you told me that you liked to get things in the mail and for the longest time I had “send frozen potato balls from Portos” on my to do list. I took it off my list when I realized how difficult that would be even though I knew you would have loved it. So, instead of delicious, mildly overrated, Cuban treats you get this letter.

I took you for granted.

You’ve always been a good friend to me, you flew in for my birthday, you respected my point of view, you checked in on me every Monday. It was only when you stopped that I realized that I haven’t been the greatest friend to you. I haven’t prioritized a visit to see your home, I don’t take as much initiative as you do to check in...

...And it took a really dumb dramatic blow up for you to determine that maybe it’s better for you to keep your distance; that you were getting less than you were giving in our friendship. I’ve been thinking about you all this year because you are not just a friend to me, but one of my best friends; one of the few people who knows everything about me. And it makes me a bit sad that things have changed. But I understand if you think that this is for the better.

So, I just wanted to say in this letter that I’m sorry for everything I did and didn’t do that pushed you away. And that I hope your weekends this year have been efficient. Max efficient.

Chris