Start Your Evening with Four Loko in a Coconut

November 13

MoAny and AnHimals rented out Xinh Bistro in Soma for their birthday in San Francisco.  It was a simple birthday - everyone put in 30 and it was all you can eat Asian fusion.  Skewers, noodles, spring rolls, wings... very fusion.  The place was very elegant with chandlers and a staff that MoAny seemed to know personally.

photos c/o Anhimals

I decided I needed a drink.  I left the party and took an empty coconut (MoAny and his bf Joey have a coconut fetish and provide one for each guest) back to the car and filled it with a controversial Mango Four Loko  that I bought earlier from 711.  I walked back to the party, sat back down and grinned as if I just bought the winning lottery ticket.  I was happy to be there.  I was happy to find a ride to San Francisco because I just needed to leave LA for a quick minute.  Though I was sad that I was missing out on another friend's birthday in LA.

Oh You Fancy, Huh?

I figured that since both MoAny and AnHimals actively reached out for my attendance to their shindig, I should take the ride that had fallen into my lap.  I decided to also actually spend time with my mom and dad (at Walmart and for Viet food) and crashed in San Jose instead of SF.

I added more social lubricant grease with house Lychee martini.  I was bouncing off the walls.  I put tables together, made random conversation.  My high school friend Aaron was stressing about things I've already experienced so I bought him a drink to calm his nerves and told him to be optimistic.  I really wasn't sympathetic... or rather, I didn't care because what he was stressing about was just reality to me.

Anyway.

That Four Loko did me good and I pounded another third can with Aaron before stepping into Blackbird in the Castro.   I will give Blackbird credit for only one thing- a drink that tasted exactly like watermelon juice.  Otherwise, this place is very LA - trendy, crowded, a lot of nothing.  And MoAny is sneaky - when he offers folks to try his drink- he squeezes the straw so they don't take too much.  RIIIIIDICULOUS.  And brilliant, 'I must say.'

JV came by to say hello.  I broke his Castro cherry by telling him to swing by.  It was lovely to play with him.  It was also nice to see Aram who coaches a gay swim team.  NICE.

Hugs kisses Hugs kisses

"We're gonna go ghetto tonight and do BOC," proclaimed MoAny.  I LOVE GHETTO.  But I couldn't find rhythm that night.  I also didn't swing on the ropes this time; I found myself preoccupied with other things.

"Hi!"
"Hello!"

This guy came up to me and told me that we've met before, I pretended to know what he was talking about.  He was cute.  We danced a little, he said he was going to the bathroom so I instinctively went in for a peck on the cheek.  He looked at me funny with some sort of half smile and went away.

I found the boys and took a picture.

XCIX back again

Joe threw up somewhere and came back for a smile.  I started dancing with the birthday folks and everyone was making fun of the way i was dancing with my head down and my hand on their shoulder.  I was grooving... sort of.  Just drunk.  I told Anhimals that we are going have very Vietnamese babies.

I went to the bartender to grab a drink.  He smiled at me.  I was convinced he remembered me. I love him.  Maybe he read my eyes.. .my glossed over eyes.  His strong drink confirmed it.  When I asked for tap water, he put it in a giant container. 

...blurry blurry...  the guy I gave the peck to came back and came close to my face.  I greeted him hello with a peck on the right cheek... again on the left... and then all of a sudden we were making out.

I always ask my friends how they initiate kissing at clubs.  This is how.  Four Loko, Lychee martini, Watermelon flavored something and a strong ass drink to top it off from my favorite bartender. Got it.  This is the second time I've made out with someone in front of all of my friends.  The first time was back in May.

He was a biter.  His kisses were aggressive with teeth, but it didn't hurt.  I've never been kissed like that before.  Aggressive, but painless.  Sharp and rhythmic... I get it..  this is what it's like to kiss a bay area Filipino. I looked over.  My eX was giggling with MoAny.  FUCK... "let's go outside."

The boy dragged me into alleys.  *Face consumption*  People walked by.  We ran down the street some more. He shoved me into the shadows.  Kissed me the same way.  "You're so cute," he told me.

"What's that?" I pointed to the tattoo on his arm.  He ignored me and cleaned the condensation building on his glasses.  Probably some Filipino sun located in a unique place like the elbow.

"It hurts," he says... "I'm getting blue balls."

I wasn't as excited, just amused at how messy I was getting- how carefree and relaxed I was.  I don't give a fuck.   "That's what you get for wearing skinny jeans.... oh there's my car!"  He got excited and asked if I had keys.  OH HELL NO.  And it was actually Aaron's car.

He dragged me down the street.  I asked him where he was going.  He hushed me and said, "my friends' place... but we have to be quiet, I don't live there."  We got to the steps.  "FUCK it's locked, they are still at BOC."  We make out some more on the steps.  I stopped because I noticed blood on his nose and realized it was from me.

My nose started to bleed.
This is how long it's been since I've let loose.

Somehow I had tissue and used my lifeguard skills to stop the madness.  I haven't had a bloody nose in months, he was unfazed. His friends arrived right when I stopped bleeding.

I knew them.

I said hi and they opened the front door.  Before closing their bed room door I went up to the girl and told her she was beautiful.  She smiled and turned to her bed to meet her boyfriend.  She was gonna get FUCKED tonight.

I entered the long skinny SF hallway, the lights were on. We passed each doorway.  I saw another one of my friends on the bed knocked out, I poked him.  At the end was a doorless "living room" that had a small tv and couch.   He told me to keep my shirt on in case someone came in and turned off the lights.  We made out... touched... dirty talked.  I'm still not as excited as him, but I'm having fun.  Lights turned on.

"ooooo what's this...."  his other friends who looked like they just came back from BOC rolled in.  I picked up the laptop that was sitting on the floor and made some retarded remarks about looking something up on youtube.  "oh oh, let me close this imaginary curtain."  Everyone laughed and they turned the lights back off.

I got up.  Fixed the buttons on my shirt in front of the mirror in the hallway and headed out of the house.  His friends were chilling on the stairway.  I told him I had to head to back to the club.  "Uh... do I get your phone number Christopher L..." He said my full name.

"Sure... EEeeeee um...."
"You don't remember my name, do you?"
"Yes i do!  It's EEEEEEEE"
"It's okay.  It's Ian."  He smiles and kisses me good bye.

I skipped back to club to find that most people had already left.  I texted Ian:

 I found MoAny and his crew eating pizza a block away.  Aaron was crying and being lectured or something.  I shrugged it off and bought some slices.

Aaron drove me home while I dirty texted Ian.  Aaron started to scream "FUCK YOU" by CEE-LO playing from his iPhone.  "Stop stressing about it Aaron."  I started scream singing with him until we got back to San Jose in 45 minutes while helping him watch the road. "YOU. MAKE. ME. feel like I'm living A... watch your Speed... dream."

photo c/o Eric Yum yum

mmm.  I'm going to start all my evenings with Four Loko in a coconut.

Bay to Breakers Weekend

This passed weekend we took a roadtrip to DA Bay.

Drive up was filled with traffic and car games. Ern here is texting, checking his email and calling work to see if he got that promotion. Such the multitask-er... don't worry, we're on the 5 highway.


Friday Night: Dragon
Due to traffic, we missed the Hyphen event but went straight to Dragon after picking up Charles. Jimmy hadn't been in two years and Jae's never been so why not? This became messy night 1.

Dragon has changed, a lot more FOBs and less of the "usuals" that I was expecting. Jae thought it would be brilliant to chase Three Wise Men with an AMF. Brilliant.

Chatted it up with a new boy and a boy from Berkeley who I recognized. Ended up dancing with both, but only proceeded with one.

Jimmy and Jae giggled, "MESSY!" This.. I remind you is the FIRST time I've made out with a boy at a club. I've only kissed or made out OUTSIDE the club away from judgment.

And I pushed the boy toward the wall away from the center of the dance floor where the crowd was forming an obvious circle around us.

I think this happened in a matter of 10 minutes. Not sure. The boy had to go. The next day I checked his facebook. "Interested in Women." For some freakish reason, this turns me on. Assuming that he's "straight" or "closeted" really starts the party in my pants. Judge me all you want.

I looked around the FOB was gone. Probably saw me being messy and excused himself. Oh well.




Excuse my underarm bush.

After we went to Sparky's for some food where I belligerently exclaimed that I was eating the WORST NACHOS of my life. True story.


Saturday: Exploring
Dim Sum filled our tummies and our party grew with new and old faces. Sassy Chinese bitches walked us to our table and served us food. They hated me and talked so much shit in Cantonese, I just know it!

We also explored Urban Ore, which is NOT a gay club, but rather a huge warehouse with tons of random treasures and junk in Berkeley. Jimmy has pictures.

We checked out Balmy Alley in San Francisco. Here's a picture of Ern that he's going to be masturbating to later.



A little Dolores park where we walked and danced with SF hipsters.


Saturday Night: Bar on Church
Messy night #2. No boys, just swinging on ropes.

Cheap drinks and free shots. We had 4 free shots each. The bay wants to get you DRUNK.



Messy stage dancing:




Messy pointing:


ONE BIG FUCKING MESS:



MoAny's gonna hate me, but I love how he movesssss. I don't think you can do this to House:

Heh heh. Let me know if you want me to take it down, but I think it's quite impressive. (Dont worry Joey... that's a girl he's grinding on.)

This is the second photo Ern is going to be masturbating to:

Made convo with the DJ. I knew him and flashed my iPhone that read, "BEST DJ EVER, MORE HIP HOP!" Shizz that was good.

Sunday: Bay to Breakers
Bay to Breakers is this half marathon that spans across San Francisco. A large chunk of people do it for real, but most follow the trail in a drunken stupor such as myself.

Ern ran for real real. The race started at 8AM. As Jimmy, Jae and I got ready I got a call from Ern at 9:30am, "hey.. what are you guys doing? I'm done with the marathon."

Well, shiiiet.

The city was being trashed. We all peed on trees and I used alcohol to sanitized my legs that had been splashed on. EVERYONE was dressed up. It was a moving party!

We saw: Waldos, Gagas, Na'vi, Smurgs, Fanta Girls, Watermelons, Cowboys, Naked People (in which I shouted PENIS every time I spotted one.) Mario Kart... tons of alcohol. This one girl was trading bags of chips for beer/liquor. Brilliant. EVERYONE was wasted and there were floats blasting music/bubbles/confetti! WE were the parade.

It was impossible to find anyone since all phone services were dead in San Francisco, but I managed to find Michelle and Dina in Haight and Ashbury! It was destiny!





Pee wall:











New Miss booty!

As the crowd of millions died down we played board games at Dina's place and realized that we did not eat breakfast/lunch, but only had beer poured into Starbucks cups and other swigs of alcohol in the AM. We found Viet sandwiches to alleviate our hunger.

We could NOT find a Taxi and it took us 2 hours to get to where we started. We hopped on a random bus and found a MUNI route and got home... we were shivering the entire time.

Pretty much one of the best things I've ever experienced. Way better than Pride and Halloween where there are more spectators than participants. At Bay to Breakers EVERYONE is into it.

GOING EVERY FUCKING YEAR!