Monday, June 30, 2008

End of June Recap

When ever I do these entries, I'm reminded of VH1's "I Love the ___"

June was an interesting month. A lot of lows, but I'm hoping that June was just the concluding chapter for this part of my life.

The last two weeks of June would have been amazing. I thought I was getting out of the slump that I was in, but then I get that remark in my Honesty Box. Like, seriously.

Fuck you.

Maybe it was a test: "Christopher, have you become a stronger person? Have you really learned to move on? Are you done asking for pity... if not from others, but from yourself?... well just to make sure... here is an asshole comment in your honesty box that I know will hurt your soft heart. A nice kick in your balls... spit on you while you're down. Yeah! Man up. Sensitive people get stepped on and I am enjoying this. YOU SUCK CHRISTOPHER, YOU ARROGANT PIECE OF SHIT!!!"


It's like road rage. I'm sorry I'm such a terrible driver; I'm trying my best, okay? Is all that honking necessary? Can't we just all go to the Zoo and relax? Let's just all have self-serve yogurt for 30cents an ounce with mochi and calm down. If you don't like me, just get in the right lane. Geez.

Anyway. No more misfortunes, bad choices and hate mail. Let the rest of 2008 be nice.

June 21: San Diego
After the beach. I discovered Hillcrest. I went shopping on my own and got hot speedo swimsuit and a nice hoody jacket. Hillcrest is an amazing gay district. It's like a subdued West Hollywood were people are more chill. Gotta take the boys here. That night we went to the Whistlestop, which is the cool Indie-Electropop sort of place. Someone there was making fun of the way I was dancing. Everyone was smoking. And I was tired. I was totally out of my element! But I loved being somewhere new! Poor Dholla always goes gay clubbing! It's time to go electroPOP! :D

Sandy made that dress!

June 22:More of my Favorite Girls
I bused to Caitlin's Graduation and had lunch with her at PF Chang's. I've never been there, but ALL my friends warned me about that place. "IF you want over-priced, Americanize insult to Chinese cooking, than be my guest." I read in a book that the way PF Chang's is decorated in front with Stone Soliders is parallel to a Chinese Cemetery. Eh. I've never been there. It was good, but if you're going to have Chinese... better go to a Chinese place. After all, there are more Chinese restaurants in the US than there are McDonald's and KFC combined. (According to a book I was reading.)

Then I spent some time with my Middle School friend, Jen. We did what she usually does in sunny San Diego: watch movies! We watched Awake. Which was surprisingly very good. I'm going to have to recommend it! And we had Tarte Tatin. It was delcious! The insides felt like cheese! I LOVE IT!

June 27: Cousin's 30th Birthday
I missed out on Dragon to hang out with my family. My cousin who turned 30 is truly blessed. She got a warehouse south of Downtown and hosted a dinner and dancing party. Her family and her Salsa Dancing team came out. The warehouse was gorgeous and the DJ was pretty good. I got hyphy and stood in awe at the site of her salsa dancing friends take the floor.

Her husband sang a surprise song while playing the guitar. It was truly romantic.

June 28: SF House Warming Party
I was being fickle again. I was going to take a shit load of public transportation, but concluded that having a car in the city was the best idea. Before hitting the town, Mony and I checked out a random plaza at Silver Creek and Aborn. There we found a market with GIANT Jack fruit. I read this sign out loud in Vietnamese and the the guy next to me was impressed. He was being friendly and told me about the Mangosteens that were exposed to radiation to kill bugs. Random!

We made it to the city and had some okonomiyaki in Japan town. Delicious!

We had left overs and I gave it to a homeless guy under some stairs. He was genuinely appreciative. DOn't throw away food! Give it to homeless.

Mony and I checked out my friend's house warming party then headed to the pink party which was a GIANT disappointment. Thousands of aimless people in the castro. WTF. We got out of there ASAP... and Michelle tried to warn strangers not to go! Good job Michelle! One of my friends ran into their cousin. "OMG is that my cousin?!" My friend approached him and he was nervous. Apparently he was in the closet. Okay. Don't hate me, but I wasn't thinking. I ran up to them, put my arm around my friend and shouted, "BUSTED!!!!" To their cousin. He got more scared... and awkwardly walked away. OOPS. Shit. Way to go. -.0

We ended up going back to my friend's house warming party and I had a blast reconnecting with some long lost high school friends.

Nurse, Dentist to be and a Grad Student in Ethnic studies. My hs friends are hot!

One of the girls let Mony try to unlatch her bra with one hand while she made moaning sounds. I couldn't stop laughing! Hahaha. She said that it's HOT when guys can do it with ONE hand. SO PRACTICE you Straighties!

June 29: Pride
Before we went to pride. We got breakfast at The Pork Store on Haight and Ashbury! So much food! I love biscuits and gravy and the pork chops weren't bad either!

I've been to pride so many times. But this time was different because I was on a mission: Get Margaret Cho's Autograph! We waited in the cold at the API Stage in the VERY front; watched some interesting performances. When she got up there, she entertained the people who waited to see her. She knows how to work the crowd! And we saw her orange underwear One of the funny things she said was that she wasn't a fag hag because she likes to hang out with Bears... So they should call her Goldilocks! HAHA.

When her short appearance concluded, Michelle urged me to chase her to get her autograph. I was SO FREAKING SHY!! She put on her hoodie and started to walk fast. We chased her. Michelle said to me, "JUST GO! SHE'S NICE!" But I couldn't I was two feet away, but I couldn't ask. Michelle pushed me aside and moved forward. "Excuse me" She poked Margaret's elbow, "My friend would like an autograph!" Margaret responded, "sure!" And I handed her my DVD and a pen! I put my arm around her and said, "I love you, you are wonderful." She said thank you and dashed away to some VIP event.


June 30: Kaiser
I got my blood drawn so that I can be a volunteer at my Kaiser. I hate needles. I was getting an anxiety attack. But the nurse said, "you'll be fine." To my surprise, they drew blood with this contraption that automatically extracts the fluid through the needle. Last time I got blood drawn, it was manual. The syringe was huge and the nurse was using her tiny fingers to pull up on the end of the needle. Thank goodness methods have improved.

July is looking up. I'm considering Grad school in Counselling. Why? Because I realize that I am "good with people." But not in the business world. I am "humanitarian" as my cousin would say. I like to listen. I try to care. I think this is something I want to pursue.

And craigslist boy is turning out to be a cool guy. Though I'm amused that no one's really asked me about him. I guess meeting people on Craigslist is supposed to be hush-hush. Whatever. He told me, that what he likes about me is that I'm not all about sex. Well... cuz I wanted COFFEE! God damn. Though he also told me that that is why he responded to my ad. Because he posted an ad a while back just asking to chill (similar to mine). Sometimes, you just want to make friends out of your network... and just go from there.

I'm crossing my fingers that he doesn't kill me and bury me with tomatos.

These Comics Remind Others of Me.... great.

Friday, June 27, 2008


I have this facebook application called the Honesty Box. Basically, you can write anonymous comments to me.

Usually, they're light hearted like:

"If you were a unicorn, you'd be the best unicorn."

But yesterday I got this:

"I thought you were a nice humble person, but you've actually become quite arrogant given how flawed you are."

I tried not to let it get to me. But, it was so uncalled for. And so cowardly. Who ever wrote that got what they wanted: they made me feel like shit. And I tried to be above it, not let it affect me, not blog about it. Not respond. Not let them win. But you know what, my life right now isn't all sunshine. And it was a bit cruel of them to say something so mean... especially now You know?

Maybe because my last entry I we behaving as if I were better than some and making wild accusations about a community that I love/hate. But I'm not apologizing for it because well: I don't think people should hurt people they love, sober or not.

Trying to brush it off. I don't have a clue who could have sent the comment. But man, if you're reading this and you sent me that shit. Please don't be my friend because friends don't make friends feel like shit, intentionally.

Stop hurting me. Please remove yourself.


I tried to keep my mind off it by doing some more soul searching.
I don't want to go back to work because I hate working. And I'm flirting with the idea of going into Clinical Psychology.

I discovered that I would basically have to start over because I have zero classes in Psychology in my undergrad. So by the time I get a Masters I maybe thirty and there's a potential that I may be making the same maybe less than I did in IT Sales.

I already have a degree from CAL. I should just run with it.

I started to stress.

I got really depressed. I was in despair. I resorted to finding someone new to talk to. I posted an ad on craigslist:

Hey I'm 23. Asian. 5'7. Average body. Looking for normal people around my age just to hang out with. That's all. I just want a friend. Maybe someone to watch So You Think You Can Dance with. Send me a picture. My AIM: Letopho

A couple of people responded saying... "SEX SEX SEX." God damn it, I said Coffee! Then some guy responded telling me that I shouldn't put my SN on Craigslist because I was searchable. I appreciated his concern and we chatted.

The guy had to go so I went out to 24 hour fitness just to get my mind off things after driving in a large circle in my neighborhood. So this is what it feels like to be in despair. I got a phone call from the guy I was chatting with. We talked on the phone for a bit and I was immediately attracted to his voice. We decided to meet somewhere and talk some more.

He was adorable. A little taller than me... reminds me of KevJumba, Justin my middle school crush and Denis from Leland (yuck).

He took me to place with a view. We clicked. He lent me his jacket and told me I looked good in it. He told me he's not out, he plans on having a family and he's not interested in a relationship. That's fine with me because I just needed a friend.

He asked me why I felt lonely. I told him about all the shit that's been going down the passed couple of months. He really comforted me. He asked me if he could kiss me.

I rested on his shoulder and he told me really liked me. That he could imagine us being friends (rather than just a fuck). And I agreed.

We didn't mess around because I just want COFFEE. C O F F E E!!! (Even though he was wonderful and cute). As he drove me back to my car he held my hand. I kissed him good bye and handed him his jacket.

I called him because I was falling asleep on my drive back home and he told me he was going to call me and didn't know why. I told him I should have kept the jacket so that he would HAVE to see me again and he told me he was thinking the same thing.

He suggested that we go on a dinner and see a movie. But NOT like a date of course. I fell asleep thinking about him and how ridiculous my life has been.

He made me feel like I was worth something and it was nice, especially after that comment in my honesty box. I like him and I think he's into me but I know that both of us are cautious... after all... we did meet on craigslist.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Stimulate 10% of My Body

Yesterday's DUI Class was, again, interesting.

We watched a really cheesy British video on how alcohol affects our mind. It was a very biological/psychology approach that intrigued me. I took notes.

Here is a review for those of you who took "Drugs and the Brain."

"Candy is Dandy, but liquor is quicker." In other's words if you want some booty, consider using alcohol. Why? Because of its affects. I've talked and experienced alcohol's magical affects and come to understand that people use it hook up with people they wouldn't usually hook up with. (Or get kisses from straight boys.. heh heh heh). It's not because it allows you to be more confident, but in addition, alcohol helps to make you horny.

I'm going to skip all the chemical science and go to the important stuff. When we are drunk, our higher brain is impaired (that's why we do stupid things when we are drunk) and our primal brain turns on making us behave like animals... animals that need to survive... animals that need to fuck.

So it explains all the regretful AND/OR unapologetic make out sessions and hookups after/during a party or night club after a few drinks. But that's okay because alcohol is cultural, a social lubricant, but also a scapegoat. Let me buy you a drink. Let me loosen you up. Let me help you have fun. Don't worry, it's not like I slipped you a roofie. (Though that would be faster). Ultimately, it's still your choice to say/act without being inhibited by your higher brain.

According to the video, making out stimulates 10% of the body all at once. This is why kissing is very important during sex people! Can you imagine how much stimulation you are giving someone when you are messing around AND making out. That's like an explosion of goodness! (So please kiss while doing it.) That video was making really horny... and desiring alcohol, ironically.

Anyway, I thought to myself, what about me? I was in a situation where the cutest boy at the club invited me to his hotel room for some hanky panky (That I haven't had in a LONG time). He was by far one of the BEST kissers I have ever had... and I had a considerable amount of alcohol in my system so the beast in me can come out from hibernation.

But... I chose to walk out.

Because he told me he had a boyfriend. And I was that disgusted.
He wasn't guilty. He wasn't going to tell the person he 'loved' that he made a mistake. He was just going to have fun. And to top it off, he told me he was sober.


My higher brain took control. And my penis was shut down for another eon.

But I was drunk!! Apparently, I can drink and think I can drive a car. But why can't I drink and fuck the cute Hawaiian boy?

He pushed the right button that made me click and become human again.

I hate dishonest people. HATE.


Hooking Up.

While on the topic. I made some observations.
I miss being innocent. I miss being 18, 19, new to this whole idea of attraction to guys.

I remember being invited to "hang out" with a guy I met on the web and then making out with him at night. But my initial thought was, yeah! I'll hang out with you because I want gay friends. I want to watch a movie and just chill... whoa, where is your hand going? wow that feels good.. BAM! Sex in the car!

No, I really was innocent. I chatted up a storm with strangers and enjoyed it. To me, I was making new friends. To me... sex was just the prize at the end... but what I wanted now was just to talk to you.

Now, I've been through all of that. I know people carry baggage. I carry baggage. Sober or drunk, I've become skeptical and sex has become premeditated; not hot. Watch a movie? Sure. But bring a condom. And maybe that's why I'm so turned off. Why my libido is missing. Why my brain has turned off my penis. I could be kissing "perfect lips," but never know who they belong to or WHERE else they've been. I could be kissing someone else's boyfriend. Destroying something potentially amazing... something that I once stood for.

But at the same time, I wish I was hooking up regardless of 'baggage,' regardless of "this happy ending belongs to..." sign placed on their heart, but hidden behind lust. And just be another tick on their, boys I've cheating on you with, list. Because then I would feel wanted and my Animal mind can go to sleep, finally. But I warn you; If YOU'RE the one to LET that monster out, I will rip off your newly purchased Express shirt. I will lick, bite nimble every part of your body. I will push you against the wall, on the floor and on the coffee table. AND I will give you only 1 minute to recover before I get on you again and pull you into the shower because I LOVE shower sex. YES it's been that long...

I asked Raf. what he knew about me and he gave a long list. His memory is like a "steel trap." My memory is like "jello in the sun." And I realized how much of an open book my life has become. We talked about how feeling desirable is linked to being confident and being confident is linked to loving who you are.

I think I have become picky and disgusted with people who love themselves too much, with this hypersexual self-seeking and dishonest penis-before-brain community. Don't get me wrong, hooking up and having wild animal sex is awesome, but hurting others is NOT. And no alcohol in the world can prevent me from feeling regretful if I ever fall into that category.

Joe asked me if we would be better off if we lowered our standards. I laughed and said, "no, that's what standards are made for... so that you are happy with the choice."

But my standards are simple and I hope it's not rare. I'm in search of an amazing kisser. I would like 10% of my body to be stimulated by pure unapologetic honesty.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A Vacation From My Downward Spiral of a Life

Thursday, June 19

I took the Vietnamese bus (Xe Do Hoang) to LA and it was a cultural experience. For $35 I got to LA at 2pm after leaving East San Jose at 8:30AM. Everyone was given a free Vietnamese Sandwich and were entertained by Paris By Night, a Vietnamese American Musical, Variety show playing on the tiny TV. I watched a skit about a gay roommate, watched an interview with Hung (winner of Top Chef) and got teary eyed while watching a contemporary dance piece called Hue Saigon Hanoi that took the fall of Vietnam to a very emotional level. I was sad that the guy next to me wasn't very talkative, but I had a good time being surrounded by people who could potentially be related to me. If you ever need to go to LA. Check out Xe Do Hoang!

Aaron picked me up from my crime plagued bus stop and we met up with Alysia in Pasadena! There we had 21 Choices, found a book about breasts and had happy hour at Yard House.

At Yard House, if you say you're the designated driver, they will give you a free soda and a wristband. I didn't have my ID on me anyway so I gestured to the waitress that I was the DD and she offered me the gifts for my "good decision." It was irony all over the table.

That evening we checked out Wicked! The musical. I wasn't an avid fan, but I was thoroughly impressed! The singing was spot on! And it was my first time ever at a professional musical. We were lucky to have binoculars so that we can see the facial expressions of the actors. And to checkout the hot Asian guy. Rawr. Alysia had a headache so we didn't take that many pics. :(

Friday, June 20

Poor Nick. He drove me around LA :D. He took me out to Japantown LA (which was similar to Japantwon SF), but everything was closed so we headed to Hollywood. I think Hollywood is like a developing country. It's ghetto, but largely funded by tourism and production of goods (celebrities). I insisted that we eat at Musso and Frank Grill, Hollywood's OLDEST restaurant. I thought it would be an experience, but when I saw the menu, the prices were absurd. It wasn't crowded at all and the only ones there were rich looking white people. I suggested that we bounce, but Nick said we should stay just to experience it.

$14 "Spaghetti"

We got the cheapest thing on the menus, but it was still ridiculously priced: Spaghetti and a Turkey Sandwich- $34. No refills on soda and my turkey sandwich was like eating desert.

Gah. Oldest Restaurant needs to close down soon.
For dinner, Alysia and I looked up something "refreshing" in her area on yelp and found this cute Burmese place called Yoma Myanmar. The reviews said, "Don't go here unless you speak Burmese." Another read, "everything is doused in oil!" But with nothing really to lose, we checked it out.

The restaurant was quaint and we gestured "2" to the man reading the newspaper. He started to speak in some strange tongue. After realizing that we were not Burmese he explained that he was a customer and waved for the owner.
We sat down and the owner asked us if it was our first time. We said yes, and she proceeded to go over the menu. But instead of making recommendations or explaining dishes, she pointed to the appetizers and said, "these are the appetizers." Then she pointed to the curry list and said, "this is the curry." She did this until she went over the entire clearly labeled menu!

We ordered. and Finished. The surprise dish that she brought out was delicious and as I pointed to it I said, "What is this called, it is delicious!" To this she responded confidently, "6.50." I explained myself, "no no.. what's it called? Chicken.. Potato...." She nodded and said, "Yes! Chicken and potato!" I was going to give it one more shot. "Yes, Chicken and potato.. what? Curry?" She continued to smile. "Chicken and potato curry!"

I gave up. But I was satisfied. The oily dishes disagreed with Alysia's stomach.

Outside was a man riding a bike with a rice hat. I loved it.

On the drive to San Diego, Alysia got thirsty. Really thirsty. She made me hold her big gulp that wouldn't fit in the cup holder. GAH.

We arrived and hung out with Diana and the boy. We played Pictionary Telephone at her friend's place. A person writes something, and hands it to the left. That person attempts to draw it and passes it to the left. The next person writes what he thinks it is.. etc. The results are usually Hilarious, but this one was more erie because the statement that was impossible to draw came around full circle!

I also played with Diana's Gimp Cat. Alysia thinks I'm cruel to animals. But I think she likes me:

Saturday, June 20
Who has a graduation at 8AM?! Diana does!

The student speaker was awful. She was speaking like an alien with a forced smile and over pouncing everything. Everyone laughed. Poor girl.

It was hot, but good thing I had a mister (mist machine, not a mister) to keep us cool.

Diana and her friends are cool cats who pretended to graduate from Mechanical Engineering so that they can sit together. Diana wrote that her name was "D- Ha Luh" but the idiot name reader said, "D- Halloooo" LOL!

This lady, who is clearly Hispanic is also wearing a rice hat. I was beyond amused!

After we headed to Pizza Port for some Pizza and Beer. And then to a wonderful local beach (Fletche's Cove). The water was just the right temperature!

more to come......

Monday, June 23, 2008

Giraffes Run Away From Me

Before I talk about my So Cal vacation, I need to talk about my Safari Adventure!

MoAny got me a ticket to a Safari up in Marin county. I got so excited that I went to Micheal's to find some Safari hats. There were four left. PERFECT! So I bought the hats and some stickers so that we can personalize them on the 1.5 hour drive there and be the coolest big kids at the Safari.

We went to June Dragon the night before... and struggled to wake up early for the trip. I brought a mist machine so we can cool down under the hot "African Sun," but forgot it at Joe's. The weather channel said it would be 80 degrees, nice. We were all dressed in Tshirt and shorts and I grabbed some frozen otter pops, yum!

Tomtom (GPS System) said we were going to be 10 minutes late, but Zto (speed racer) got us there 10 minutes early. To our horror it was f-cking cold and overcast.

Here we are: four gay boys in shorts and small Safari hats made for children while parents and children were dress in warm attire because they knew that they weren't really going to Africa. To top it off, I had frozen otterpops in my cargo pockets and the women next to me was laughing.

The sun refused to come out and we were all shivering!

We grab some seats on the rickety jeep. The guide opened the gate and we drove toward the giraffes!!! EEEEEE!!!! The jeep in front of us got a face full of giraffe attention. With it's majestic long neck, the giraffe poked into the jeep. I prepared myself by asking to sit on the top seat of the jeep and getting my camera out to make a video of my Giraffe encounter!

But as we approached the giraffe, it ran away. It probably sensed me coming and was scared. The guide continued to lecture about the giraffes at the reserve. The horns on top of the giraffe's head were called ossicones. OoooO. I wish I had ossicones... I also wised that the giraffes weren't scared of me. Though I got to see a baby giraffe and it's mom for far away. Aww.

I was a bit sad for the rest of the Safari because I was cold and the giraffe ran away, and Joe and Szto sat separately from me and MoAn because I wanted to see the giraffes up close and couldn't rearrange the seating arrangement! Arg!

There were other interesting animals: an ostrich who scared the shit out of me because it was peaking the jeep, pretty birds, a lazy cheetah, and zebras who just stand there and blend in. The guide did a good job at keeping us entertained; told us some interesting African stories about some of the animals. According to the guide, "God made wildebeests out of all of the parts left over from other animals. They have a mule’s face, a bison’s horns, a goat’s beard, a horse’s mane, tail, and body, and an antelope’s legs. Cool!

There was buffet lunch waiting for us and I devoured many ribs! I was hoping for elephant meat, but no, just chicken and cow. boring!! I had a good time just being on an adventure with my boys even though we were tired and cold and the giraffes were scared of me. We took some fun shots and drove home and had a lazy Saturday.

Thanks MoAn for planning the whole trip and getting my ticket. YAY Safari! Boo doing boring things!


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Soul Searching

Next to Joe's bed is a 10 gallon water cooler jug filled 1/20 the way with coins. "Whatchu saving up for Joe?" "A house!" He responded. He wasn't kidding, he plans to making that investment in his 20s.

Yesterday, I bought some yogurt with Smyr (who loves Taro, weird) and I was given change. Later in the day, I got an Italian Soda and to my surprise the change from the yogurt was the exact change for the Italian Soda: 64cents.

I love shit like that.

I went out of the way to get cheap gas. To my horror, the tank did not last. I calculated 14 miles a gallon on that tank! ARE THEY DILUTING THE GAS?!!

Yesterday I filled my tank: $70

I hate shit like that.

D.U.I. Class Was Interesting

The theme was "Communication."

What I like about the class is a lot of psychology/sociology basics are covered, I guess, in hopes that we psycho-analyze ourselves and adjust our behavior and become better citizens (who don't break the law)

We reviewed the roles that are assigned to children in the dysfunctional home and then moved on to communication.

"What you say is just a footnote of what you communicate." Of course, this is just another way of saying that "actions speak louder than words."

We spent the majority of the class discussing styles of communication as opposed to watching a video on cholesterol (thank goodness).

And I examined my communication behavior. I concluded that I'm aggressive. I dominate conversations because I'm looking out for "ME." I talk a lot and test people. Initially, I thought I was passive; I accommodate because I'm afraid of rejection. But I'm NOT afraid of rejection. I am afraid of getting hurt.


I asked a boy from DUI class to dinner. I knew him from before and we headed to Japantown. I thought he was cute and tried to send signals while trying to read signals. After dinner, it felt like he was uninterested. You can just tell. And we split the bill down the center. I also felt like I've lost my game. But what was I initially after?

During our conversation, I examined him. His voice was cute, he has some goals... but as a person, can I imagine myself with him? How about, can I imagine myself sleeping with him?

No and yes. And I examined myself: How desperate.

After the ordeal, I called Joe. By the time Joe called me back I had already gotten over it.

I feel as though I am not as confidence as I used to be. But I haven't lost optimism. Darnell (my blog's biggest fan) pointed that out to me. "How do you stay so positive?" Because that's important to me.

You guys may be wondering what I'm doing with my life right now.
My answer is Soul Searching.. and hunting giraffes.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Life is Passing Me By

4 Weeks since getting laid off
2 Weeks since getting arrested

Days have been flying by and I'm starting to panic because I feel like LIFE is passing me by. Mony told me that people who are BUMS are unattractive. He said that it doesn't matter if you're hot, if you aren't doing anything with your life then there's NO point in trying to date you. I started to stress. I felt further undesirable!

These pass weeks have been interesting... and the stories have been piling up.

June 1-7: Learning about the Law
I ended up hiring the "good guy." But I'm worried, because after he got my money, he has been less responsive to my calls. My mom told me that I may have hired a crook. I know it's worse than that, I hired a LAWYER!

In my calendar I marked "One Year Since Really Bad Skin." To my depression, my skin in one week shifted back to it's original state one year ago. I'm talking about a HUGE break out that I haven't seen since last year in June. It made me wonder if it was because "every JUNE i have bad skin" or it was because of all this stress and my face fell victim. Purely frustrating, in a matter of ONE week, I was back to where I started. And my once awesome regime is now subject to question... it doesn't matter that I'm taking the right pill, or using the right creme; if Im stressed OR if it's June... I will break out regardless.. BAH

June 8-11: Emotional Recovery
Everyday I went swimming for half an hour then lift weights.
I get home and walk around shirtless after a quick shower. Heh he. I should keep this up.

June 10: DUI School
Every week there's a cheesy title. This week was the "family system." I learned how alcohol can affect the family structure. I learned about the punnet square of alcoholism in genetics. I watch a video about finding the source of addition through adolescent trauma.

Interesting. The teacher was passionate, so I was glad. And the class itself was made of 10 white people, 9 Asians, 8 Latinos and 1 Black person.... and one cute boy. Cough* To my luck, I ran into a friend there. LoL. Yay! And two hours of DUI class, didn't seem SO bad.

June 12: Downtown... already?
I've been hanging with my friend's EX, Anthony. We click very well. It felt like a date only because the conversation was so fluid and there were no awkward moments, but rather a lot of feel good moments. But of course, I wouldn't date the guy anyway because he's my friend's EX.

I met this girl Ada at my birthday. I fell in love with her the minute I met her and if I were straight, I would date her. She invited me and Anthony to Motif downtown which sucked according to them because the music was so bad. Even though it was too soon be going out to downtown again, I figured that I needed to remind myself how to interact with straight people and I wasn't planning on drinking PERIOD! This is my adventure in summary:

1. Can't find Passport (My ID was confiscated by SJPD)
2. Drove to Downtown to meet Mony hoping that I left it in his car (it wasn't)
3. Drove back home to search my house again. Passport was under the passenger seat the entire time.
4. Drive back downtown, parked and got a call from Ada, "we are in front of the line! HURRY!"
5. Run to Motif, handed passport to bouncer. Bouncer explained, "I can't accept this, it's easy to fake, and there is no description." GAH!

It's official. God hates me. I am being punished with every breath I take.

I figured that he wasn't bending the rules because it was already a meat factory up in Motif and I was an easy number to turn down. Anthony and I checked out SJ Bar and Grill, Koji Sake Lounge and Dive Bar (it was 80's night!). We managed to have a great time anyway, just talking about life. And I met up with Ada's group after at LaVics. Good times.

June 13: The WORST Movie Ever and June Dragon
I missed May Dragon and Joe convinced me to go, plus it was a friend's birthday. After watching The Happening which I highly recommend because it was SO bad that the audience booed, we headed to the City. There was nothing new. Dragon was Dragon. Though there was this shirtless train wreck 50 year old go-go dancer wearing bad hot pants that made me embarrassed of being gay and Asian.

I talked to a friend from Berkeley who told me a lot of personal things. "To be honest with you... the sex is horrible...we are BOTH bottoms. But that doesn't matter because I LOVE him! We've been dating for 2 YEARS! If it were up to me, I WANT him to go fuck around, I WANT him to have good SEX! It's JUST SEX! What we have is MORE than SEX." What he was saying resonated in my head. I wish that others were capable of being so honest.

I tried to dance with a couple of new people. Try to be more aggressive (like I wasn't already). But it felt awkward. Maybe because I was sober... but for some reason, I felt unwanted. Eh, I didn't let that bother me... at least I was out and about.

I talked to the birthday boy and he was oddly comforting in his drunken state. "How are you doing Chris... no really HOW are you doing?" I felt that he was being sincere and confided in him a little. "Chris... you deserve a lot better." His words echoed in my head and continued his response, "Im sorry... I was in a weak state." I forgave the birthday boy for what happened a long while back... like I forgave half the community for its definition. Because, we all find ourselves "in a weak state" and we hurt each other... endlessly. I realized this the next day.

"You know, your friend is so cute.. I just want to take care of him." I knew for a fact that my friend didn't have feelings for the birthday boy... but was it my place to tell him? I made it my place, "actually, he only thinks of you as a friend." "Oh... thanks for telling me, I won't waste my time." He was crushed. I kissed him on the cheek and walked away.

Why did I do that? I justified my actions: because I was looking out for my friend; it was what my friend wanted me to do. I concluded with further analysis the real reason: because the birthday boy hurt me in the past. So I felt justified to lightly jab at his heart. This of course was subconscious and only realized after the fact. Like Mean Girls, Mean Gays are so mean to each other.

(Notice MoAny's Fuck-Me Face in the picture on the right.)

The next day was my long awaited Safari Adventure! That deserves it's OWN blog entry!

Protect Every Kiss: