Friday, May 29, 2015

Is There a Particular Cake?

My manager asked me today about where I see myself... career-wise.  I told her that my new multi-million dollar accounts that I've acquired present enough of a challenge that I feel engaged in the job and I'm happy with where I am now.  Though with layoffs and friends quitting, the company really wasn't as great as it used to be.  I couldn't answer her; I don't know what my future looks like.  I don't know what the next steps are career wise or even personal.

I'm 30 in a few days and I guess the main question is am I happy with who I am?

Maybe not.  But that's expected, we're not perfect.  

I find myself petty.  
I find myself selfish.
I find myself obnoxious.

And I can tell that Jimmy struggles with trying to handle me.  Handle my energy and expectations.  The other night he told me that he felt guilty for not giving me the attention that I was pining for.  So I just apologized, told him not to feel guilty and left the bedroom because I didn't know what else to do.  He came to the living room and gave me the warmest hug and told me to come back up.

This is a portrait that Jimmy took of me early this month before I cut off 3 inches on the top.  The hair wave is cool, but it was getting heavy and wild and I'm glad Jimmy captured it in a photo.  He captures and remembers everything positive and negative about life, about me.

20 minutes ago Jimmy caught me chatting with someone about not trusting him to get my birthday cake in time.  I was mortified that he saw it. My body got hot.   He was hurt that I felt that way.  And though I explained why.. that I would have ordered the cake a week ago and that I was worried ... it didn't stop him from feeling shitty.  So we're just sitting here in silence while he downloads songs for my party this weekend and I get pensive about what just happened.

I feel selfish.  Selfish for not being able to appreciate him and trust him to do things for me just because he does them differently.  It must be really difficult to date someone who's so particular about random things.... like ordering cake.

One year I told my parents that I wanted a strawberry birthday cake, but they got me a rectangular cake with other fruits... I remember being really upset.  I think I was... 11.  Wow.

I'm thinking about other things that I'm particular about.  One year Jimmy bought me a Moleskine for Christmas and it was the Peanuts edition.  I couldn't just appreciate it because it was not the plain design that I liked.  But I used it any way because it was from him.  But not before inadvertently making him feel bad about it.

And it's painfully ironic because I take pride in being easy going and low maintenance... but birthday cake and moleskine are two things I'm very particular about.... and music at night clubs, haircuts, wasted food, driving to certain places.  Oh gawd....

I'm turning 30 and I could be happier with who I am, but for now I'm just trying to understand who I am and being completely self aware.  I'm quite lucky to have someone who puts up with me... I'm going to go give him a hug now and tell him I'm sorry again...but that's hard to do because he's particular about his personal space.  I guess that's the challenge of trying to fit together.

Saturday, May 9, 2015


Everyone is a little body conscious, but to what degree?

I look at this photo posted a few days ago from a Malibu beach trip and say... not bad.  #dadbod.

A slimmer gut which can be achieved by a few visits to the gym and some shoulder presses for a stronger frame.  I flirt with the idea of having an awesome ripped body for my 30th birthday via trainer, but that's all it was - flirting with the idea.

Because.. the gym is hell, working out is hell, exercise is hell and I'm not happy when I'm there.  For Jimmy, for others it's therapy, it's stress release, it's satisfaction.  For me.. it's something to do to wait out traffic.

Take a spin class?  Or sit in traffic.  Okay, you got me there.  I did enjoy swimming in the morning, but it's been so difficult to wake up.

I made this realization when I hung out with a cute couple in the swimming pool.  They both had dadbods with big bellies and they didn't give a fuck.  They didn't make compensating body jokes, they didn't get embarrassed.. they just took their shirt off and jumped in.  And that's what I did at Malibu.  Why should I give a fuck, ya'll my friends.

I guess the point is... I should remind myself to exercise for happiness and health, but to control the spillover and pant tightness. And never to keep myself from what I enjoy in life which is.. eating amazing foods. And moderate the things that aren't that great for me.   I guess, I'm on the right track.


Coachella 2015 - Blurry Selfies

Preparing for Coachella was a bit more stressful this year.  Last year was a breeze since we were just tag-a-longs, but long story short, we paid a lot more housing than we needed to, but I need to focus on the fact that it worked out in the end and everyone was comfortable.  Though $1,000 is a lot to spend for a music festival 3 hours away.  (This includes food, housing etc.)  I also didn't know any of the bands which is why I wasn't too excited about it.

But when we finally got there, it was an amazing time learning about new bands being in the desert. I love heat.

We stayed at the Sonoran Suites about 10 minutes from the Tennis Gardens in Indian Wells shuttle stop.  We decided this is the best shuttle stop - low stress, ample parking and quick access.

We had a good group of 9.

I spent two weeks before Coachella figuring out what our group totem was going to be, but at the very last minute I found inflatable noodles in my beach bag.  It was so perfect, no one else had them, they were easy to see and compact.  They stated on the site: no totems this year and people were very well behaved.  I guess no one wanted to spend time and money on things that would just get taken away.  But people snuck some stuff in - nothing as interesting and amusing as last year though.  These things were so necessary to find each other especially since we broke off to see other bands.

I was really excited about transitioning from day time Coachella to night time Coachella.  Something about wiping off layers of sunscreen and looking at the sunset. Something about switching from hot to cool and watching everything light up. This year I brought tons of glow sticks and bought LED lights.  Security made a comment, "you're carrying uranium!"  I laughed.  The goal was to glow like the art installations.  I wanted us to be a rainbow coalition, but only one set of LEDs actually worked in the end.  I used the yellow led rope to tie around the totem which made it stand out even more.  People were so curious.. they thought it was a bong and kept grabbing them.   I had to chase this girl down when she took it from my hands and ran.  I grabbed her by the waist like a fireman while Jimmy called her a cunt.  lol.

I also bought these cute lanterns from the dollar store to try to imitate last years guiding light that Ernesto and Erik brought.

A photo posted by Christopho (@letopho) on

Music highlights:
Yelle - amazing performance!  
Marina and the Diamonds - so fun
Kygo - Charles introduced me to them.  Sad that we caught only the last two songs since we were waiting for Drake who turned out to be a buzz kill

I Saw: Kimbra, Azealia, Ryan Hemsworth, Lykke Li, Clean Bandit, Toro Y moi, Yellow Claw, Duke Dumont, FKA Twigs, SBTRKT, Flosstradamus, The Weekend, RAC, Kaskade, and David Guetta.

It was disappointed to see some of these DJs "perform."  It's like that SNL skit, they are just pressing buttons.  I want singers!!

I wish I saw Stromae, Odesza, Jennifer Hudson during Gorgon City Set), Jack White, Florence, Chet Faker

On the second day we spent the morning exploring sponsored tents.  No spotify tent to recharge your phone, but they had charging stations everywhere.  Instead there was the JBL tent which had this great underwater photobooth!  Other booths included massages, virtual reality, and face masks.

One of the exciting things is running into people organically.  It's impossible to meet up, but it feels so great to stumble upon other friends since so many people go.   When I ran into Sunny she picked me up and spun me around.  My camelbak shot out water from the excitement!

Charles had such an amazing time.  I told him that he's gonna have to plan next year.  As for me and Jimmy, we're still on the fence since it's so expensive and Jimmy wants to save his money to travel.

Though it would be really great to do a 2016 version of this picture.  It was so dusty in 2014 and green in 2015 #whatdrought

Other highlights:

  • Pool time at the hotel
  • Enjoying Hendrix and grapefruit soda
  • Making jello shots (should have made more to share with shuttle friends)
  • Eating at Pho Vu to get our Asian cravings out of the way for breakfast
  • Getting a good nights rest at the hotel vs. camping

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Sunday Thoughts

What's new with me?

Nothing really.  Trying to figure out my 30th birthday.  Party favors, food... time coordination.  It's less work than usual since I'm letting this charter boat take care of some of the stuff.

My mood last week was a low, is it residual Coachella withdrawals?  Is it that my company which was seemingly doing very well decided to do mass layoffs.  But I was spared, but have a lot more work on my plate.  Work that is more challenging.  But we moved into a bigger nicer office with standing desks which I love since I dreading getting the sit line; the crease on your stomach for sitting for too long.

I've been blogging a bit less because it seems that being more hidden about my life seems more appealing, but with my low energy and general dissatisfaction with weekday life, I feel like I need to return to my therapeutic hobby.  Also, I'm hosting my pictures on flickr.  My retina display is making the pixelation in compressed photos more obvious.  I suddenly have a thirst for sharp images that cannot be found if pictures are hosted through blogger or facebook... and now picasa which was never updated.  The entire interface of this neglected photo organizing software is pixelated on retina and the Photos App isn't doing it for me without real file control.

Last weekend was fun.  We did a handful of things and the weather was perfect.

N.A.O Ramen

Before we visited the "art piece" we had ramen and pleasantly found that the ramen was "on the house" because we had inadvertently came during a soft opening.

Vincent Lugo Park

After the ramen, we grabbed some boba at Factory Tea and goofed around the monster park.  I love these play structures.

An artist covered the Bate's Motel in Silverlake all white which made for good photos.  This building was such an eye sore since it was abandoned and tagged up.  Many squatters were found here.  They are finally demolishing it ... probably turning it into a mix use building.

Photo courtesy of Mitch

The weather was perfect.  That day was full of sunday funday drinking at the Eagle which was surprisingly fun.  Dinner at Sunset triangle and a movie at the Vista.  Never had I ever enjoyed walking around Silverlake, but it could be the 4 shots of Jameson talking.

This Sunday funday is spent at TomNtom.  We're resting from a wonderful beach day for Charles' 32 birthday at Malibu.