"If You’re Not Single, You Shouldn’t Act Single"

I caved and bought the Nexus 7 tablet.  I feel ridiculous having so many pieces of technology, but each one really does serve a specific function with substantial overlap. Was that a contradiction?  I lucked out when an Office Depot manager sold me the 32 Gig for the price of a 16 Gig.  He matched the price for some generous reason, but I stepped out of the store feeling as though I had shoplifted.  The $50 savings validated the purchase even further.

While traveling for work, I discovered the wonders of reading blogs offline on my new toy using a tablet case I found at the Dollar Store.  The savings just don't stop.  Through Google Currents my favorite blogs are downloaded for consumption without connection.  Recommended to me was Thought Catalog which I've enjoyed on my entire plane ride/wait at the airport.  The entries are short and clever and perfect for my attention span.

I found a very interesting entry that was very thought provoking by Christopher Hudspeth about folks who act single when they aren't.  ARTICLE HERE.

"In a technologically savvy generation, we regularly see shitty boyfriends and girlfriends do disrespectful things with phones and computers..."

Though not limited to technology, but going out as well.

A month ago I deleted Grindr and Jack'd - very popular gaydar apps that locate horny/curious men around my lat/long.  My profile read, "Committed - looking for friends."  It was a boredom app and though I never met up with anyone I did make friends with this random Korean guy who was interesting to me since he knew secret spots in K-town.  I've since forgot his name.

...but this is problematic.  I have friends and most importantly I have a boyfriend.  Why am I on this app?  Why are so many gay people in relationships still using this app?  I believe it's due to a curiosity, a gay-riousity that stems from our childhood when we saw our first penis.  It's interesting to see gay people in close proximity; who else is a part of our exclusive deviant sexually driven club living a double secret life?  There's a social-ness and curiosity part of being gay that keeps us logged in.

I think that making friends is easy when you're gay.  Like black people who gravitate toward each other at work - in addition to the secret language and common life experience, minorities cling to each other to forge against the mass.  Gays in particular stick together and become "best friends" in the shortest period of time through apps and mutuals because potential friends are also potential hookups are also potential boyfriends.... and potential resources.  For me, though gay friends come and go, new gay friends mean - shared knowledge of hidden parts of the city, connections to low key events and my favorite, watching them stir the pot when my friends see fresh meat.

Though that sounds innocent (in my head and as my own personal justification), there's still a problem.  The guys I'm looking at are also the ones I find attractive. There's still an element of intrigue; I'm still checking people out no matter how platonic my intensions may seem.  And that's the irony that Condescending Wonka points out.

I'm not single, I shouldn't act single and though it has always been a hobby of mine to make gay friends, connect gay friends, normalize gayasianess I've decided that I should work on being a better boyfriend instead of making friends through apps that are clearly not meant for "making friends."

Grindr Friendship

My grindr profile reads:

Looking to explore hidden LA.
For easy going friends.  Echo Park resident.

And I mean it!

Gay Coworker: Does your bf know you're on grindr?
Me: Yes, he's on it too
Gay Coworker: Why?
Me: Dunno to see who's gay around me.  Plus it's all for friends anyway
Gay Coworker: But it's really not

Gay Coworker has a point.  (BTW, I'm discovering my company likes hiring gays.)  Most people aren't on grindr JUST for friends, there's always some sort of sexual interest.  Whether you act on it or not depends on how loyal you are to your boyfriend.  I rationalized, "it's like interactive porn."  But like porn - just look, don't touch and of course watch it together if you want.

But then read this profile above "Not here to hook-up."  Then... why are you showing off your greek god abs?  I should submit this to Douchebags of Grindr. I really don't get why there so much contradiction in the gay community.  I guess we are just unable to admit the reality of our own true motives.  And it's more appealing when the dude isn't such a blatant hoe. "Just looking for friends huh...?  That's hot."

Even if you're really just looking for friends.  It's usually attractive friends so you (the inclusive you) block the uglies.  Why does it matter?

The contradiction!!!!  *DEAD*  Our "Community" #ashamed

The other day, someone on Grindr texts me:  IM JUST LOOKING FOR FRIENDS TOO!  Without looking at his pic, I give him my screenname and we chat a little bit at work where I find out the following:

• He works in the same industry
• He recently had a chat with my VP
• He's going to the LGBT Film Festival
• He walks his dog

And he logs off.  Perfect.  Another candidate to shirk my already small gaysian world.  I think if I were in a straight relationship, this would not fly, but I think that we're gay, we're social, we're always trying to build a family because we've felt so outcasted growing up.  And any medium that offers that is utilized - (or maybe that's just me being an extrovert).  I've made friends through youtube, downelink, Grindr and met Jimmy by finding his Tumblr.  So there, I made a potential friend, but forgot his name and was too busy stressing about life to really indulge in any conversation.

So can you chat platonically on Grindr?  Yes.

...does that mean I will I meet up with this randO?  Not unless he knows something about LA that I don't... and that's my motive (#user).  And I'm bringing Jimmy because we've come to a point in our relationship where we replaced the pronoun I with WE.  (or maybe that's a bad idea). Maybe I'll invite him to a 321 party and see him stir the pot.  I love bringing new faces to my circle and watching my single friends jump on them like starving vultures.

Grindr is useful.  I encourage all gay friends to just be on it... like the Mutant Registration Act.

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Found an interesting gaysian, Justin Huang who writes for huffington post: http://www.iamyellowperil.com/

Grindr Fail

Oh speaking of Grindr, I have a couple of more screenshots to share:

I haven't hooked up with anyone from Grindr, but I do find great amusement.

This dude asked me what was my type and he can recommend a club.  I never thought of going to clubs because they attract my certain type of guys that I like.... hmmm... but that does make sense, I love the boys at the BOC.  Or is it really just the "music."

Oh HI San Jose - Chinese Food and Grindr

"Christopher, try not to eat Dim Sum too much. It comes from China. China is dirty."

My parents are convinced that all things Chinese will kill you. "I watched a documentary where the Chinese workers would use their teeth to bite off chicken feet then ship it to the US." My mom expressed genuine concern.

My parents continued, "you don't know the chemicals they put in China, there is no regulation."

I tried to argue that American fast food has just as much chemicals that are bad for you.

"But American food has to be passed by FDA, you know know what they do to those Chinese products before they ship it over."

But of course, Vietnamese food is another story. Here's my mom enjoying Bun Bo Hue from Com Tam Thanh. Nom nom.

My parents' China paranoia is not gonna stop me from ordering my flaky taro balls. I love flaky taro balls.

Though Sam did take us to get Taiwanese breakfast in Alhambra on 11/7 which involves Chinese donuts and some sandwich things... I can't really explain. The place was a grade C and I insisted on trying it anyway. OH man my body hated me... Jimmy explained what it means to get a grade C after we had already ordered. WHY DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING?!?!?! It's like saying there's no air on Mars AFTER you stepped off the ship.

We also experienced some Chinese customer service when Sam asked the waitress if there were any more plates coming out. In Chinese she responds, "I don't know! You tell me!" Or something. Sam was unprepared, but it felt like we were having some authentic Chinese food.

Man I had such the shits. I had keys in my hand and almost knocked over Ern when I shoved the front door open while grasping my ass cheeks heading to the bathroom. My body wanted that food out!!!! Sam apologized profusely. I thought it was a good experience.

Silver Gold Amazing wasn't the place we ate at, but just wanted to share.

Maybe I should listen to my parents.

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After Viet food today I had an adventure at Walmart with the folks.

While my mom finds a good concealers for dad's skin, I hop on Grindr where I'm buzzed by some random folks... who I find very attractive.

I found my self esteem sky rocketing.

But probably because I'm just a new face on their module. Like a new zebra in a safari full of lions.





Check out this stud:
This is how our conversation went:

David: Swimmer?
Me: Santa Claus?
David: I have some gifts for you
Me: *BLOCK*

Man, I just keep bringing them hotties in.








I also run into these Asians that are only attracted to white guys. I like to question why.

I guess it's just about preference, but I still find it interesting when folks don't find their own ethnicity attractive. What do they see in the mirror? Do they wish they were something else because what they see isn't what they define at attractive?

It definitely is a limitation, but also a question of what you think about your identity if you don't include yourself in what you feel is worthy of being dateable/fuckable/whateverable.

Tonight is the Castro for MoAny's bday and I pulled out some dollahs for a nice evening. Woo Hoo Blackbird.

I wanted to keep it simple and didn't arrange my time to see anyone, but my family and MoAny/AnHimals for their birthday and Aaron because he's across the street from me, I mean... my best friend from HS.. So I didn't tell anyone I'd be in the bay.

I'm a really considerate person.

Another time. Please don't hate me.

Speaking of Text messages check out http://damnyouautocorrect.com/. Great time killer.

Blatant Anti-Asian Racism on Gay Websites Still Exists

I find the blatant anti-Asian racism on gay websites hilarious! 

Check out this article.

The other night at MJ's Bar an Asian guy legitimately won the hot body contest.  The crowd went went wild as he gyrated for their applause.  The MC announced, "...mmm I crave some wonton soup myself!" 

My group of Asian friends groaned.  The Asian guy had a great body, cocky smile and a killer butt that he shook at 8.5 magnitude in his speedo.  Sadly he looked without personality, but he also looked like he was used to being on a stage slash objectified.  We watched as he rubbed up against this white? Latino? guy with disinterest.  Congrats, $1,000 in your hand and someone to appreciate your wontons.

It makes me wonder, as a gay Asian, would I prefered to be objectified or disregarded as having any worth.  Meh, I wouldn't want to be targeted by these mainstream gays anyway.  And I think wonton soup is a very endearing pet name.

It makes me sadder when I see an Asian guy say, "white guys only."

Check out this old article from the same writers that talks about Gay Interracial Relationships: On Being “Sticky Rice” and Loving Other Asian Men.  I find it very interesting.

Oh,  below is a real conversation I recently had, IT'S SO FUNNY!!!!:

I was wondering if I had special pheromones.

Creepster

Despite what ya'll are gonna say.... it's really hard for me to do these creepster eyes. Ask ERN.

He had to train me to open my eyes really wide, glance upward with my chin down and grin without teeth (that's key)... like you're hiding drugs in your mouth... pedophilic drugs/roofies.

But I think I got it. I feel like you can give these guys quotes like...

• "I like donuts and testicles.. heh heh"
• "I'll buy you a drink, if you let me guess your sexual position preference"
• "...but my friends call me AnGeLstar, because that's the name I gave my avatar"
• "How about we take a ride in my mom's Prius?"

Smile with your eyes? How about unwelcome-touching with your eyes? Rawr.

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I like your hair long and gross because other boys will think you're dirty and you will be unwanted except for by me. *Paparazzi.*