Sunday, January 30, 2011

Seasons Greetings

Look what I got from Vanessa today!  LOL "All I want for Christmas... is youuuuuuu"

Saturday, January 29, 2011

In Search of Swag

Last time I was in West Hollywood I made a skeptical of my real and online self by shamelessly complaining about the place that my friends choose to haunt for party life.  Drunk sarcastic WeHo hate tweets.

I think this is the night I lost followers and when people blocked me from their Facebook feed.  #DeservedIt

There has to be somewhere in LA where I love the music, fit in with the people and feel comfortable enough to let loose.  (So far.. Cherry Pop and MJs come very close).

My problem was I am looking in WEST Hollywood... WeHo is too "west" for any ghetto community.

As I ventured East of West Hollywood, I was hopping to find the bay area swag that I have been looking for.  The only hip hop West Hollywood offered was on the obscure weekday of Wednesday.

Wednesday is when you cook dinner for yourself, watch TV and cruise Grindr.  Not when you put on your LID, jeans and take patron shots to get crunk.


Circus Disco
 Circus Disco is this huge warehouse on Santa Monica EAST of La Brea. There yah go.  On Friday is Club Machoman; if you are straight you go to the adjacent club: Circus Arena Cafe; Circus DISCO for the alternative.  And with this text I got all my friends in free:
This text message came straight out of someone's Myspace wall... obnoxious, all in CAPS, ridiculous shorthand writing.  It was ghetto, it was PERFECT.  This MUST be the party scene I was looking for, the opposite of WeHo... no more house remixes.  The line to get in was long and everyone got a nice frisking from TSA before getting in. Good thing I left my switch blade in the car.

Three dance floors:

Pop mixed with Latin hits, Salsa room and Hip Hop which was upstairs.

Anywhere I go, hip hop is upstairs - Rage, Dragon, Mickeys and now Circus.  It's as if you have to elevated to be able to play hip hop music.

After doing some gay partnered salsa in the side room that was set up like a quinceaƱera (I felt like I was celebrating the ripening of a Latino girl's eggs), I realized that I had entered a community that I was more out of place with than WeHo, even when I was in the elevated room with stripper poles.   We were among LA's homothugs and more than likely east side downe low community.

...and there was actually too much swag for me to handle... and folks were still as unapproachable as they are West of La Brea.  Put one of these folks at Rage/Dragon and they would feel the same.

While I felt alien, Jimmy felt like he was reliving a piece of his early gay days.

It just donned on me.  That what I was looking for in the LA gay scene is somewhere I felt comfortable. It's not that music or people are better in the bay - People in the bay are approachable because I am comfortable to approach them.  The music is better in the bay because that what was playing on my radio when I lived there for 24 years.

So this ends my search. When I wonder why my friends go to WeHo so much, the answer is the same:  it's a community that they identify with and it will take me more than just a year of living in LA to accept it as mine. (Though everything else about LA I've acclimated with in the short period of time.)

Instead of starting over at Circus, I should work on being comfortable in WeHo as that's where all my friends love to be.

 Must accept it for what it is... Yay .. House-a-fied Willow Smith....

God, this remix is offensively terrible.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Keep it Quiet

I turn to my coworkers because they are disconnected to my friends for advice. 

Me: Would you let your friends date people you've dated?
Coworker: Sure!
Me: How about your ex?
Coworker:  NO!  My friends know NOT to go near that territory!!! (Her eyes became sharp) 

She was curt as if this was an agreement she made with her friends as blood sisters in middle school, but then she added something really insightful -

Coworker:  You wouldn't be dating someone who rejected them.  You would be dating someone who they were in love with.  You'd be dealing with your friend's broken heart.


I've been in this situation before.  I thought that because I know how it feels, I should be capable of doing what I think is right in this situation... this was my opportunity to put experience into practice.

To put it simply: I am dating my friend's ex.  And they just broke up a month ago.  Yes.  I am that person.

Boy I'm Dating: I'll tell him [my ex] when I'm ready
Me: He needs to know
Boy I'm Dating: I haven't even spoken to him in weeks
Me:  As a friend, we have to tell him because we respect him

The boy I'm dating was content on not saying anything for at least a month as "healing time."  I became frustrated.  I told him that dating him didn't feel right until we told his ex, my friend.... but I took him on dates anyway... because I wike him.

A couple of years back, my ex dated my friend after we broke up.  I would have appreciated if I was told off the bat so that I could be hurt, raise hell and then move on instead of being in the dark for 6 months... missing my ex like the biggest idiot in my circle of friends who all knew. (But we were all young no one really knew what the right thing to do was).

I didn't want my friend to feel like that idiot, to feel so disrespected.  If the boy I'm dating wasn't going to say anything, I was.. over the phone... like a grown up with lots of experience and knowledge... good idea right?


Coworker #1:  What good will you do telling your friend?  If all it does it relieve you of guilt, then why let him know?  I wouldn't say anything right now.  What is your motive?
Me: You're right.. what is my motive?  Yes I would feel less guilty.. but ... No... it's because I respect him and I want him to know... and I know how it feels to be him.  That's what makes it so important.
Coworker #2: mmm, if it doesn't do any good, but hurt him. then why?  Keep it quiet.
Me: I... still think that he should know what's going on directly from us and not from someone random


Maybe healing time makes sense... but I want him to know because he is an adult and he should know that his friend (me) is dating his ex .. he should appreciate my honesty right?  right?

I picked up the phone...

Me:  I just wanted to see how you were doing
Friend: Aw, thanks Chris.  Things are good... you're so sweet (I didn't feel sweet)
Me: I just wanted to check up on you since we never really talked since your break up
Friend:  I'm doing fine actually.  Really busy.  I have good and bad days.  Wake up fine one day.  Not so much another.  I do miss is the group of friends...
Me: What do you mean?
Friend: Well.. it was just convenient to hang out with you and him and not really having to plan anything and just kick it.... it's funny, when I told my other friends, they thought it was weird that I didn't act like I missed him, but moreover I missed the hanging out with his friends... which I guess maybe true?

He went on and on about how he missed the convenience of hanging out because his ex had a nice network of gay fun friends...which made me feel that I can quickly rip off this bandaid.

20 minutes later he finally he got to this...

Friend:  Though, when people asked me if I would be okay with him dating other people I realized that I would not be okay with that.  That's how I know that I'm not over it.  I told my friends that I was surprised that I was still sad after a couple of weeks.  I thought I'd be cool by now. So I guess... I really am not over him.

This is where I threw my phone across the room and died for 5 minutes... not really, but almost.

I actually said this:  This is what I wanted to hear.  It sounded like initially you didn't even miss him at all...  just the friends.   He was someone special to you, this makes sense.  But I'm home now, I have to go.
Friend:  Ok ok.  Chris, thanks so much for calling me.  I really appreciate it. Talk to you soon okay?

I felt:  Defeated.


I flashed back to when I hung out with my ex during Christmas at a mall.  It felt good to see him.  He told me later on that he tried really hard to tell me right then and there that he was dating our friend.  But just couldn't do it.  It was already 4 months in for them(?)

...and now I know.  NOW I know how hard it is to tell a friend something that would hurt him.

So I didn't say anything on the phone call, I just hung my head low because while I was experiencing happiness, I couldn't fully appreciate it because I was hurting someone along the way.  And keeping it quiet seemed like the only way.  But keeping quiet about something so important to me was absolutely killing me...softly.

Sweaty Sundays - You and I

Took another Sweaty Sunday's dance class!  This time we got a picture of Ryan Heffington!  Check out the group photo (scary photo bomber.)

Probably the only time I get to wear my overpriced booty shorts.

Too embarrassed to record myself, but this was the group before.  Best feel good thing to do on Sunday mornings.

Monday, January 24, 2011


He told me he likes my cheeks.
I told him I like his nose.

We baby talk and it's wonderfully disgusting.  Everything we say to each other starts with W's like -

"Wow was war way Boo boo?"  God, its adorably revolting. 

I told him that I knew that I like him because I let his feet touch my body.  I think feet are disgusting... unless it belongs to someone I'm dating.  If it's someone I'm just sleeping with, when their feet touch my calves I jolt away.... it's gross. 

When I see him, I put my arms around his shoulders then lift one leg at a time onto his hips until he is forced to carry me.  "KOALA!" I scream.

When ever I kiss him, he makes this face that I can recognize immediately.

I don't have to do much to get to know him because well... he's a friend.  A friend that I've always had a crush on.  I like staring into his eyes until he gets embarrassed and looks away or leans forward for a kiss.

When we were cuddling the other night he turned to me in mid-sleep and said, "i love you" and started to snore.  I told him in the morning and he was embarrassed.  "You must have been 'WTF'" he proclaimed. 

I responded, "actually I held you tighter... and said it back."  But then I realized that I could have dreamt the entire thing. I just became the first person to consciously say/admit to the "l" word.  "I really like you" was sufficient.  Great... I was hopping to say it on more of an occasion.

He's helped me keep my New Years resolution of cooking more by essentially cooking for me and as I'm writing this all out I'm beginning how typically fast this is going. 

I am more excited than anything to change my facebook relationship status for the first time ever....  I WANT A FUCKING HEART TO SHOW UP NEXT TO MY NAME ON YOUR FACEBOOK FEED!

Ern said to me, "you guys went straight to domestic." I'm a U-Haul Lesbian apparently.

I guess, when everything just feels right, you just go at gay-warp speed and hope everything works out.  Cuz feeling "right" is hard to come by.  So frustrated with the dating pool and frustrated with ourselves that we become...
  • Serial Daters
  • Mega Sluts
  • Introverted
 ...and when something that "feels right" comes along you hold onto it as tight as possible like a Koala on Eucalyptus.  

But I didn't initially feel this way especially since I've been a proponent of "free love."  AKA  Dating/Whoring around for the sake of gaining different experience from different people.

Finally Closing December

I had a entire week off from work and I was mad at myself for not really planning a trip far far away.  But it was nice to catch up on sleep I suppose.

Took sexy Norris, Katrina and Carlo to my favorite Thai place - Thai Patio.  The effects you are seeing are due to a dirty lens.   What I will always remember about Norris is how he knows how to speak so many languages... jizzzzzzzzzz.

@Libertine with the old team
 God, I miss hanging out with these people

White Elephant with the current team
 God, I participated in so many white elephants.

Heheh, this vat of Vaseline looks familiar.  Hmmm was it from the 321 holiday party?  Oops.

In my neighborhood is also Carroll Ave.  This is where I found the Charmed House.

I'm trying to go through my photos to see if I missed anything else in December, but that seems to be all.  I think this photo is hilarious.  It's as if I can picture "hope" in the clouds and I'm walking towards it.  Diana got me those mitten gloves from the Ignia Christmas party.


Shit, January 24?!?!?  fack.

Sunday, January 23, 2011


For a while now I've felt suffocated.

Stifled and inhibited from expressing how I feel because I'm trying my best to figure it all out.

Popular blogs stray away from personal life.  And as of late, that's what my personal blog has become - without personal thoughts superseded with an overwhelming amount of pictures and nothing else. But I'm an honest person - unafraid to express to anyone who asks how I feel.  But for the past few months, I've kept it to myself. And as a result, I've felt that I haven't been myself.  I am not a private person and to be so silent is painful.

Today I feel like celebrating because everything seems to have worked out... and I can finally tell you about what I've been thinking about for a while now.


...he asked me to be his boyfriend.

8th Annual Ignia Christmas Party

Every year I've gotten together with my high school group for our annual Ignia Christmas party!  2010's Christmas party was no different from our 7th at my house, 6th in Reno and our 5th at Smyr's apartment.

Caitlin hosted 2010!

We had some home made poutine, king egg roll and pasta!

We had a couple of guest stop by to join the 8+ years of friendship. makes gift giving easy!  Diana got me this awesome sweater, gloves with mitten covers and a "real" four loko.

Some how Alysia got a tick in her abdomen that was removed earlier that day.  While trying to "pretend" to punch Alysia, Aaron hit Alysia in the abdomen for real.  That's genuine pain!!

We are growing up pretty fast
But not that fast
And gathering more friends on the way
White elephant highlights -
- Plate set
- Bread Box
- Scarf
- Reboxed lotion (shhhh)
- Frozen Salmon
- The Human Centipede DVD

It was amazing to see who wanted what.  I got the bread box that has been very useful at 321.
After we played games

A little Craninum and creepster dad in the background

Mmmmm Pancake and Sausage breakfast.

Next year we are talking about doing the Christmas party in PAris.  That would be quite pleasant.

Simple Wedding

My cousin Natassia got married this weekend! 

One hour before the wedding, I went crazy at Bed Bath and Beyond.  Three small kitchen appliance and we are good to go.  Wrap that shiz, I have a wedding to attend at the Irvine Regional Park!!!

Natassia wanted a simple wedding with cupcakes and tacos.  I absolutely loved it.  It was all about the couple and the friends and family who love them.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Holidays in the Bay - Misc.

This is my dog MiLou he is the stinkiest dog in the world.  He's also a coward.

My family at Orenchi Ramen.  My parents told me that they love when I visit because I take them to really cool places to eat... in San Jose... because they are not capable of discovering their own neighborhood outside of Cheesecake factory.

Had a coffee date with Sean Paul.  He gave me a snickerdoodle mix and recipe!  What a great idea!

Saw these divas.  Had dim sum then I kicked their asses at Scrabble.  It was the first time I had to share a table at Dim Sum.  It was okay because there were two other groups and the lazy susan stayed stationary.   Joe told me about one time where they had to share a table for Dim Sum with an entire family.  It was him and Eric and and a family that adopted them.  Amazingly awkward.

Got to visit Szeto's new place in Oakland!! The street he lived on reminded me of New York...especially the part with all the cars broken into.  And he got me that fancy pants watch!  :D

Also Saw Huan.  He moved down the street from my folks' place.  I helped him make peppermint bark.  Gosh, I had such the munchies that night (dot dot dot).

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Family Christmas 2010 - We Are Attention Whores

My dad sent out this email to the family list serv:

Family Christmas tree
As for the gifts, since we've never had a chance to draw names, I suggest that we do this:
Each one of us gets a gift, (best if it's unisex. If not, that's fine too).
Put a number on each gift. And then draw numbers to see who will get what.

To this I responded:
I was sad when the Aunts/Uncles stopped playing the white elephant gift exchange game but I guess pulling numbers for gender neutral gifts is fun too.  (It's like the same thing but without the game part of it.)

My dad confirmed that the white elephant game was on:
OK. Per Christopher's request, let's do white elephant gift exchange. Let's have fun again.
I suggest that whoever that would like to participate gets a gift that's about $20 (or whatever you can afford).

Christmas at my house is routine.  Christmas Eve, the house goes to dinner, goes to church and then open gifts with grandpa on my mom's side.  My mom is an only child so Christmas Eve is calm.  We take tons of family pictures and exchange gifts.  I sucked this year and didn't get my folks anything worth mentioning, but thanks to Tumblr, I got my little bro a pretty awesome Glee-Inspired shirt:

Christmas day dinner is at our house since we have the biggest.  Grandma sits somewhere while we all eat a potluck style dinner.

My marinara sauce was a bust, but I delivered some pretty awesome appetizers.

Grandma on my Dad's side.  She had 8 kids and remembers all their birthdays as well as her grand kids' birthdays.

Adult table and kids table.

Gifts are exchanged and we finally get to play the white elephant game.  I got a steamer!  And my cousin Michele LOVVVED my box of cleaning supplies! LOL My auntie got gypped because she got a $10 bill when the gifts were supposed to be of $20 value.  But it's okay, that Uncle just got in a divorce and lost his house... :[

Cousin Picture
My dad was really excited for this "Theme from a Hat" game.  He mixed up the title from Whose Line is it Anyway, but the point was you had to act out characters based on the hat that you are given.  Essentially, it was our opportunity to reinforce stereotypes.

I love being a part of a family of attention whores.  Everyone took the stage!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Vision Insurance

Like Auto Insurrance, you have to do the research.

My optomitrist told me my benefits before starting the exam because this morning one of his patients accused him of cheating her.  He explained, "Its not us, its you're insurance, black and white... we are just following instructions"

He did the math for me - $140 out of pocket which includes exam, contact lens fitting and 1 year supply.  Something was fishy and I told him that I would like to reschedule.

"Sure!  Do your research!  But I know you love those glasses we got you last year!"  He pats me on the back like a creepy uncle.

At my cube I called my mom to compare my family plan, called my insurance and found my contacts online.

Spent about 2 hours on this and discovered that my LA (Beverly Hills) optometrist was in fact cheating me.  For the same services and contacts, my optometrist at home would charge me only $25 (the co-payment) as it should be!!

God, I wonder how much money I would have saved on my glasses last year.

When you do your vision insurance look for a few things:
  • From your Doctor: Contact lens fitting fees lowered with a co payment ($100 in LA, $30 from the bay)
  • From your insurance: Reimbursement from vendors out of your network (I found contacts for $60 cheaper online which will be covered by my insurance, the "fitting" is covered too!)

Now you know.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Mary's Cherry Pop

Don't worry Bien, you are not late to the party!

We created a facebook to secure a date, but then panicked when one of our friends sent out an invite.  OH HELL NO!  "I told you we needed to reserve it!" proclaimed Ern.  Even though we had made the event on FB, we didnt sent out invites.

Quick - Event Picture and clever name and send send send!

Black Swan tree, home made snacks and apparently only a couple of our friends know how to wrap gifts

Mary's Cherry Pop topped last year's 321 Christmas party.  More food, more people MORE PRESENTS!


But first some egg nog.
"I'm starting to feel it Ern, how much rum did you put in there?"
"There's no rum Sam, you have to add it yourself."

Old roommate Kevin
New roommate Jimmy.. 1, 2, 3....

There were so many folks this year that we had to move the gift exchange into the Ern's attic space.

Alysia made out big with a vat of petroleum jelly and umbrella which I stole and regift for my work's gift exchange.  Work didn't find petroleum as funny as a group of gay guys.

Our white elephant had a twist:  Bring TWO gifts that add up to a $25 value.  So we can have TWO rounds of gift unwrapping.  You could end up with two awesome gifts or a pack of gum and notebook.  I had my eye on the Roscoes gift certificate, but it was stolen.

Gift Highlights
-Charlie Brown Christmas Tree
-2 H&M Gift Cards
-Coffee/Tea Sets
-Tons of Porn

Everyone seems to be happy with their gifts especially the two on the left.

The only thing left to do is... another Christmas Photoshoot!!!  But this time Bien directed us.

Yes, there was a shake weight.. but luckily only one.  Last year there were 3 SNUGGIES!!!

In case you missed it....