We went around the circle listing out "deal breakers."
This is what everyone was saying... most I disagreed with:
- Didn't go to college
- No aspirations
- Doesn't make you priority
- In the closet
- Never dated before.
"Chris, have you dated anyone who wasn't college educated?"
"...hmm, I guess not"
"Well there you go."
I guess I haven't had the opportunity to. The circles that I have been a part of are all college educated. In a sense, I'm naive to a community that didn't/couldn't choose that path... and privileged to be dating from a privileged pool. But I don't think it's a deal breaker if we click.
==
Aspirations?
Whatever, figure it out later. Geezus, these people want to date entrepreneurs or something. Happiness is sufficient.
==
I announced that I wouldn't mind dating someone in the closet. In fact, I find it really hot.
"Chris, have you dated anyone who was in the closet?"
"Yes"
"How did that end up?"
"...hmm, it was great while it lasted??"
"exactly"
Okay. Well, in the closet is just a fetish then and as I've learned, not realistic... yet that still won't stop me.
==
Makes me Priority?
Um. Folks have work, I get it. They have their own friends, they should hang with them without me. They have their own life before I even appeared, they shouldn't change what makes them happy. They should respect their career, their friends, etc. They do NOT need to make me priority... just simply integrate me where it makes sense.
==
What I did agree with is experience- I prefer to date someone who has dated before because I believe that those with experience/baggage are better for it... that their mistakes were made with someone else before getting to me.
==
I thought it was an interesting conversation. I could tell that those who agreed passionately with particular deal breakers had experienced something specific (and traumatizing) in the past.
After a couple of days, I've concluded my own deal breakers:
Lacks Modesty/Feels Entitled
- Love yourself, but don't LOOOOVE yourself. LOL.
- Apparent insecurities are beautiful. Buried insecurities protected by cockiness are so unappealing to me.
Inexperienced
- I feel like inexperienced boys make mistakes, aren't developed, are on a different page
- And experienced boys make better lovers... even if they are jaded.
Doesn't Communicate
- Call me, beep me.. if you wanna reach me. AIM me too.
- I enjoy sexting. I enjoy being very available in all forms of communication. Let's direct connect.
- "I don't have AIM. I don't have texting. I don't check my email. I don't believe in facebook" UGH... shall I send a messenger pigeon then?
Picky with Food
- Vegetarians are my deal breakers. I'm having a BBQ with lots of meat, get the fuck out of my house if you demand I make you something with plants.
- The animal is already dead... just put it in your mouth!! You're doing more harm by wasting its life.
High Maintenance/High Brow
- Stresses me out man. Live simple. Buy nice things later.
- $200 sunglasses make me vomit
- I like boys who squeeze out every drop of toothpaste, buy things on sale, accepts left over food.
Has a Beautiful Body
- Your muscles intimidate me; have a donut.
Loves House Music (especially with minimal lyrics)
- OMG FUCK NO. FUCK FUCK FUCK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- I'd rather date a closeted jobless bum that doesn't make me priority- FOR REAL.
Smokes and Video Games
- Addictions that eat away at your life. 'nough said.
Interestingly enough, these "deal breakers" are all things that are a reflection of our own values and values we appreciate in others; friends or lovers. So naturally we would already surround ourselves with people who are similar (like high school cliques in Mean Girls.) Thus making the whole "filtering process" very automatic.
..at the same time. We might be going at this the wrong way. Instead of thinking "deal breakers," it should be thought of as "deal challengers" (except house music of course.)
==
I was thinking about the boy and preferences and I realize that I have an affinity toward the [trimmed] jungles of Southeast Asia.
Maybe I enjoy those humbled by the refugee experience that their parents went through- indulging in conversation about struggle and life appreciation. Maybe because I find it easiest to relate and connect. And in the end all we are trying to do is to connect with one another.
16 comments:
This entry is amazing. I so dig your perspective on dating.
~A
I have to agree with Alex on this one.
I love the fact that House Music is a deal breaker for you! I was laughing...pretty hard.
I think you and I have the same "deal breakers"
I miss you Luver!
disgustingly stereotypical entry. thank god you're asian or I would've added racist to that.
you may have gone to college (didn't your blog say somewhere that it was even UC Berkeley) but you didn't do so well and ended up at mediocre job. Going to college alone (and a competitive college at that) does not qualify someone as successful/with ambitions.
Hey tim and anonymous... while ur opinions and views are valid, I think it's kinda sad to attack my roommate regarding his job and other things. Constructive criticism probably would've been better to start a discussion. And if you don't like what he says, stop reading.
@alex and anhimals: you guys make me want to continue to write nonsense
@Anony & Tim: you guys are so mean... mean mean girls. Thanks for reading my blog though!
:]
yeah @anon and @tim go away mean girls.
lol these comments are so bitter and passive.
"lol these comments are so bitter and passive."
Like a lot of gay men?
I jest! ;-)
waaitttt but arent YOU picky mr. I don't eat vegetables?? Hehehehe :P
This post is so great! However, I disagree with one thing, going to college. I think not going to college is not a deal breaker. You want a hot fireman or sexy police officer, most of these guys didn't go to college. So you guys might be missing out! Anyways more for me I guess! Keep up it Mr. You have a great blog!
haha...love this blog. But ouch to "Vegetarians" as deal breaker.
maybe you should approach guys with a more open mindset. once you get to know anyone, you realize that no one is trying to be a bad person. disney villains and mean girls don't exist. they're just people dealing with their own issues. i mean, calling other people mean girls is fine and okay if you realize that you're picture making fun of anonymous gay-sha at the top is something a mean girl would do too, if you see it from gay-sha's point of view.
bottom line, don't hate because someone is different from you. it's the same as homophobia. no, it is homophobia.
Since when was it considered close minded to have a set of preferences???
Ridiculously awesome entry, Christopher! Power to the House!
bitch please, i didn't say he was close minded. i said he should be more open minded. open his mind a little wider than it already is.
anyway, my question is, if this guy you are very sweetly blogging about, you discover LOVES house music (but is perfect in every other regard), then would that deal breaker really matter?
Yes. Dating Game Over.
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