Why do we take pictures of ourselves? I think it's an affirmation thing. With the perfect lighting and angle we can essentially transform ourselves to become more of what we think we look like for the second we take a photo.
Smiling with our eyes, making cute goofy faces...
Is it vanity? Partially... maybe it's insecurities. What do you think?
Maybe it's a reminder that "hey... out of the 86,400 seconds of the day... for ONE of those seconds, I look.. alright" in a picture. *post*
And it's enough to go out in the world without a bag over my head. But right now... I feel so ugly.
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I was walking from my truck to the elevator going to work and I thought to myself... I'm pretty secure with myself... I think I come off very confident... but I wonder if I really do. Maybe I just have my moments... like most people.
I find that I really like it when I'm with a boy and I tell them they are adorable and they say they're are ugly. I like it when they look at me as if I was blind or retarded for thinking such crazy things.
I think most of the guys I dated had some physically insecurity that I enjoyed... and in the gay world it seems like there are only two sides of the spectrum.. you either think you're a monster or that you're God's gift from the heavens.
*insert Monster sounds*
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Anyway, I went out with my coworkers at the same hipster bar I went Monday, but this time the scene was more San Jose nightclub with slutty girls and douchey guys and everyone too self conscious and enjoy the music (basically the opposite of Monday). Though, the music was pretty terrible to enjoy.
This girl approached my coworker and asked if my coworker and I were gay because she came with gay friends. I went up to the strange girl and said, "I love Cock..y people who ask such direct questions. I'm gay, he's not." After a few moments, her entourage left disinterested with my answer, seemingly.
So was I being hit on or was I being called out for being obviously gay during straight hipster night? I think.. they were more interested in my coworker... yeah makes sense. But it's cool her gay friend looked very miserable.
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I told my coworkers that I have gay voice, at times gay face... and they disagreed. Interesting. They asked about gay walk... and I can see that.. there's some hip rythms and chest elevation in gay walk. I wonder if I have that.
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I'm taking an impromptu trip to San Jose. Will you be around?
Friday, January 15, 2010
Insecurities
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2 comments:
That boy is a monsterr
M-M-M-Monsterr
Maybe you like the certain vulnerability that physically insecure guys have. Your compliments mean twice as much for them lol.
And I don't think you show any obviously gay characteristics from first impression.
lol ChungkingExpressions beat me to it. I prefer to be a m-m-m-mawnsterrr anyway, claws up! Because as cliche as it seems, people will find your imperfections perfect to them. Those who matter, don't mind... those who mind, don't matter.
For me personally, I've been called out, cussed at, people saying I'm self-absorbed for only talking about myself and nothing else, or only use myself in my work... but to me, it's not about narcissism at all, I just want to understand myself better, what i want, don't want, accept my flaws and fears and move forward to create. I mean if they want news about other people, they can go to Perez Hilton, and if they want news about me, then come to by blog. right?! lol... it's a blog for a reason! Plus, in contemporary art, artists always uses themselves in their work, as part of the medium.
either way, I think you are doing fine at being you, I love reading your random trips and encounters. Did that girl wanted to hook up with your coworker, and plan to hook her friend up with you or something? lol crazy!
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