Highway 680

Exit Stoneridge
I met up with Tofu at Stoneridge Shopping Center in Dublin off 680.

It was a compromise location: 38 minutes from Vallejo, 38 minutes from Santa Clara. He was always mad because I would never visit him. But when I did, I remember the 60 minute drive on the windy road of 680 North, through San Jose, Milpitas, Fremont...Shit in between then Vallejo.

He gave me his gifts from Japan, we took pictures and we checked out this random mall that is supposedly between us. I only had an hour before he leaves for Japan for another year and then grad school internationally or on the east coast... and then... who knows. I sat in the parking lot after I hugged him good bye for a lonely minute and I started my car. I knew the route home: 680 South through Fremont. .. but it was as if I got lost, distracted on the way.

Right on Scotts Creek
I approached the last Fremont exit: Scotts Creek. This was the exit I took to get to my first boyfriend's house....

In high school, after my first boyfriend visited me we chatted and he sounded stressed. He was caught in traffic driving up 680 and he was late for dinner or something. He made it seem like I lived so far from him.. well because I did.

Even though the relationship ended, during the winter we still met up. This time I drove 20 minutes in the dark to see him at night. He snuck out of his parents' home and we would drive somewhere to mess around. Eventually, I just drove him back to my house to cuddle then drive him back where he'd have to sneak back in.. not to wake his parents. 20 miles up, 20 down, 20 up.. 20 back down.

I did this for 14 days with the same CD playing in my stereo to keep me company before I picked him up. "Baby boy you stay on my mind full fill my fantasy..." On one of the last days we were in my truck bed with some blankets looking at the stars. I told him I still loved him and he said, "i don't know Chris..." he put his face in his hands. He listened to his brain. "I don't think I would get back with you." He was smart, I was hurt.

I wondered if I should take that exit to see if he's home. I imagined him seeing my truck, coming out of his house yelling at me as if I were a crazy stalker. I decided to continue on 680 toward Milpitas.

Left into the Golfland Parking Lot
A friend of mine contacted me earlier in the day to hang out. He was visiting from So Cal and I promised to call back. I parked at Golfland off Jacklin and he took me to get snacks and talk about random things. When he visited me before, we cuddled. We didn't kiss, we didn't touch... we just held each other until we fell asleep. It was innocent. Tonight for some reason, he looked cuter and I told him that. He responded very suavely, I smiled, gave him a hug and pointed my car back onto the highway, 680 South toward East San Jose... it started to rain.

Pass McKee
Monyrith lives off McKee so I gave him a call to visit him at his place. A couple of days back his sister (who he lives with) asked if I was going to his company dinner.
I responded, "Yeah, I guess I'm his date."
"I didn't know Mony Dated GUYS NOW!!" I smiled and saw Mony dash into his room beet red. When he saw me, he pointed his finger. I gave him the same smile I gave his sister.

Monyrith picked up his phone, apparently, he was out with my friends.
"Oh what are they doing there?"
"What do you mean? They are going to Borders with me"
"Oh.. i mean, it's raining and such."
"And your point being?"
I passed McKee... and it rained a little harder.

He text messaged me, apologizing for sounding mean.
With no invitation to Borders, I switched highways to get home.

Merge on 87 South
The guy that I was sort of interested in me called me back. I was going to visit him after I visited my Milpitas friend, but finally realized that HOME was where I was originally heading. Over the phone, he comforted me. His voice was nice. He flirted and talked to me, he complimented me... and ... I was honest.

"I like you, but I can't commit and I don't want to hurt your feelings."
He was thankful I took his feelings into consideration which is more that I can say about others. "Just do what makes you happy," he advised me.

Hurting people does not make me happy.

Home
I thought about my route... I was looking for a destination because I didn't want to be alone at home. I spent Thursday night on highway 680 reflecting on where I've been, where I am and where I need to go... but it was raining and the highway was dark, windy and dangerous... more than usual.