Squat Shitting

While (not) sober, I've been having interesting conversations with folks about random things.  
"You know, squatting to shit is more natural."
"But I can't even squat." And every time I see someone squatting I get this urge to push them over.

Huan was in Tanzania for two months where there was no toilet paper and only a hole in the ground to poo into.  He said that the Harvard kids would whine about the next time they would go to big city to buy toilet paper while the Berkeley, Cornell kids became "one with their body" when they had to use their (left) hand to clean their booty after a squat bowel movement.

"It makes sense, when you squat, your butt becomes the lowest part of your body... it prevents hemorrhoids because of the relieved tension.  We are built to squat like dogs, monkeys etc. "
"That makes sense... what about wiping?"
"use your hand."
"...but.."
"when you squat, your ass cheeks are spread so far a part that the poop doesn't smear anyway.  You usually wipe clean." I could only imagine getting intimate with my booty hole in the shower slash non-poop related things... like sex.

I was silenced as if all the answers to the world were just presented to me in the back seat of a car ride after having 4 shots of Skyy Vodka.  After that, Huan taught me a Tanzania kid's' song about simba.

Squat shitting is on my to-do list.  I apologize for the sandal marks on the toilet seat and I hope you have a hook so I can hang my pants because apparently it's no good to have your pantalones around your ankles.  POO will get everywhere!

I'm asking Jimmy about how to use the bucket of water in preparation.  "You're so 1st world," he proclaimed. HOW... exciting.