I Am Not My Hair...

I've been a little obsessed with trying to a achieve the thick bang look that seems to be catching wind in the trend books. But my stringy Asian hair makes it a challenge... I even bought a flat iron to further manipulate the genes handed to me.



Oh How I Long to have white hair with subtle textures that allow for thickness and volume to cover my Tyra Banks forehead. And how I'm so tired of spikes that have folks mistaken me for DragonballZ... even though it's cool at times.

But then I found this-
Normal White Guy


Normal white guy with Asian Hair.


And I can only feel robbed because I assume that he has a yearning to be Asian ... that he doesn't like his roots and culture and goes the distance to manipulate his look so that he could feel welcome in a culture that he feels is better than his... I assume.

And now, I can only feel silly for wanting... for yearning, for showing hairdressers a picture a white guy in hopes that they can manage and manipulate the hair on my head so that I can look like the picture in my hand.

==

I am Asian, I have Asian hair... and spending more than 5 minutes to achieve some look that is not mine seems to be very ridiculous.

It's Whatever

So, I've been seeing the 19 year old behaviorist on a regular basis.

The other day he asked me if I could be his "adult" to get into Dave & Busters. God, I'm not THAT old.

He seems to be emotionally mature, unclingy and good company. He squeezes my cheeks and tells me I'm cute.

I'm understanding why folks enjoy the beginning parts of dating/talking/whatevering. It's all the attention, passion, mystery and no commitment.

There's this other boy off a4a that's my age who works in at a restaurant that I'm also interested in. Is it bad that I want to see him at the same time? Though I think he's only interested in messing around. Actually, no, he definitely is ONLY interested in messing around; he told me direct.


Even my dog is giving me the judgmental eye... or tooth.
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The other night I went to Billy DeFrank's 20 Something Coffee Social met some very nice and friendly gays from San Jose. They were mostly White and Asian. Neil over here told everyone I was speed dating and I got the most judgemental eye from ThE ever.

If I were to see these white dudes on the street... I would have a hunch a few of them were a little gay. (Pink shirt and makeup). But some of the Asian guys were just Asian. Remember Gay or Asian? And man, white gays like to throw around the word faggot a lot. I know it's "reclaiming a derogatory term" but... ugh. I use it sometimes to be funny... but they use it too nonchalantly, "you know fags, always late! Yeah we fags love coffee." When I use it it's funny like... hi Joe, did you plucked your eyebrows? FAG!!" *audience laughter*

==

*edit*
I just had an online hookup. (Even though I spoke against it.)

I have a lot of pride in being able to say I haven't done this, I haven't done that... Chris is pure, what a turn on. But I'm getting old enough where I want to say that I've tried it at least once (I tell straight guys they have to think the same way too. heh heh)

So. The boy mentioned above... what nickname should I give him? He's a waiter. So The Waiter came over to hook up in the middle of the day. We're facebook friends and we've chatted on the phone so I figure that's a green light. He asked me to come out in a towel, I asked him to come out in a batman costume. This is my way of saying no because I was still self conscious of my shingle scars.

He comes into my room and sits on the bed. He is adorable...this is the first time meeting and he is definitely my type.

I figure, he's here for sex so lets cut that chit chat bull shit and before he could say, "nice room" I pounce him like a lioness on Pumba.

We go at it and I'm impressed at myself for being able to perform, but then realized that I had a problem staying excited. He was an amazing kisser and really modest. "You're really cute." "Don't say that.. I'm awkward with compliments." That turned me on a lot.

He finished, we didn't do anything too intense. Cuddled for 5 minutes and he left. It all felt rushed.

==

What I learned:

I feel like there are five reasons for hooking up:
1. Horny. Duh.
2. Wanting to gain experience
3. Being curious
4. Wanting to get back at someone. Sha BAM!
5. Someone slipped you a ruphie!

I wasn't horny enough, nor did I feel like I gained any sexual experience, but I was curious to what it was like to just cut to the chase. (I blame Nip/Tuck and other tv shows that promote this)

Joe reminded me that I did gain something: my confidence level.
Which I was seriously lacking as of late.

I learned that I still believe that "I'd rather have tea and coffee with you before I have tea and coffee with your penis" because I feel like that's the reason why I couldn't stay excited- I knew jack shit about the guy and I only had his cute face to maintain my interest.

I think I depend on mystery and uncertainty; slow moving hands and testing boundaries into the night (what I've been doing with the 19 year old... we haven't even messed around yet).

Handing me the raincheck slip to collect his hook up on layaway in the middle of the day is not hot.

BUT at least I tried it before I continue to knock it (as suggested by one of my readers). Right?

==

So what now?

Well, I said to the waiter, "it's too bad you're only interested in messing around" so he knows I'm interested in other things... but it's his move. And what sort of relationship would that be when it started off purely physical? Short lived?

My relationship with the 19 year old behaviorist has yet to develop into something for me to be "playing" him... I like him, but I'll let it take its natural course. And I'm glad I tried this planned hooking up thing, before/if we get serious.

I do still think about James. I realize while seeing these other boys that I didn't like James. I depended on him... in the most unhealthy manner possible and finally I'm dating without dependency.

And no more online hook ups. Coffee and tea first, rendezvous later.

...so this is what it means to be single and mingling healthily... shamelessly. I like.

EPIC WIN!

My Party Games Genes Came from my Dad

I came home and I felt like I was at Grand Century Mall. Dang, who the fuck parks like that? My Drive way was full and so was the edge of the court because my parents' friends had perpendicularly parked in a court. Vietnamese magic?

Anyway.

I opened to the door to find my folks parents playing a Questions only, Scenes from a Hat and Props... party games inspired by Whose Line is it Anyway that my dad insisted his friends to play in Vietnamese.

Everyone was as red as the wine they were drinking. 10 couples for dinner, potluck style. Goodness. And the laughter could be heard down the street.

My parents are ridiculous. Remember when my mom texted me?

==

Heh, they're pretty cool. Don't you think?

Not That Creative.

The article: http://www.ivygateblog.com/2009/03/yale-group-releases-racy-or-ist-single-asians-video/

Maybe I've become an "angry Asian Man" to find this funny. Yeah yeah.. yellow fever.. blah blah...slurp my sushi.. haha.... (not really) though I do like the line, "If You Like it Than You Should Have Gotten An A on it." Clever.

I dunno... I feel at times when folks are sensitive with Race it makes it even more of a problem. When you can just laugh about it... then really there's no issue. But... this isn't funny at all or clever.

I guess.. it depends on what we are sensitive to such as the Desperate Housewives Filipino Nurse remark really didn't bother me nor did Mylie Cyrus' Slant-Eye picture thing. But this Single Asians thing makes me feel weird 'cuz I didn't think it was that funny nor does a good job at "making fun of stereotypes" so it claims.

Maybe.. it's all a question of how it's done and these youtube songs about "being Asian" are just stupid and overdone. Good job Yale A Capella, you are not creative, these songs have all been done before and I prefer listening to harmonic vocal talent over a poor attempt at racial humor, but at least they danced well......... enough. I guess?

You Can Braid that Shit!

While Carl talks about Racial Labels, I'm going to talk about Pubes.

Muff Maddness
One of my blog readers asked me for advice on shaving his balls.

Apparently he hasn't shaven his face before either so taking a blade to the sensitives does sound horrifying.

Asians.. or rather folks in general need to control that madness. My friend said he doesn't like it clean shaven cuz it looks child-like and he feels like a pedophile looking at it. I concur.

Some hair is nice, but when it's like Medusa's snake hair slithering all over the place, we've got a problem. If you watch Asian porn from Asia there are some problems: the goggles, the pixelated penis, the whining (my friend has to turn off the sound cuz it's so ugly) and the uncontrolled pubes!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously guys... hot date = cologne, nice shirt and shaved balls. Especially when the hairs get longer than your penis =X. Like a mushroom in a brush of grass.... no oral for you.

I wish I had curlier pubes that stay close to my body, but no.. i have the same type of hair that's on my head so with some pomade I can make my penis look emo. OMG. I'M SO KIDDING.

My advice to you - shave the balls, shaft, taint, butt hole in the shower with body soap. DO NOT ATTEMPT Shaving cream, good lord. And then trim the rest slowly with scissors by pulling it from your body and trimming examining the perfered length. Play barber for a day. It's fun. And if you fuck up. Whatever, it grows back hella fast. If you cut yourself... then.. call your mom.

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Subtleties are not my Strength

I feel like I state a lot of the obvious on this blog and talk like it's some amazing epiphany.

Like..
no shit gay people like to hook up though there are a lot who don't
no shit people come and go from your life
no shit you have to love yourself because you are the only one you depend on
no shit everyone is self conscious about something

... but I think it's because I think out loud. Thank you for listening.

==

Last night I saw Fruit Fly. I love the films by H.P. Mendoza because I can relate, things are subtle and it's a freaking musical.

Carl, HP and Me as a bum:

The film reminded me why I love the bay, how I consider it my home. It also made me realize the subtle flaws and fantastics of my life because the characters were like my friends.

There were scenes that emphasized that life shouldn't be spent being mad or prideful. That being able to look past annoyances and accepting people for what makes them good is a part of being a grown up.

Yes, I am working on this.

==

It was also amazing to me how two characters after an argument gave each other an apologetic hug with out saying anything, ... but this actually said a lot - that their friendship was above pettiness and pride; I almost teared up. I think you can tell a lot about your relationship with someone by how they hug you.

Was that a one arm Dragon hug? or an I actually care about you hug?

==

The 19 year old Behaviorist came over.
We watched a movie about a girl with TEETH in her VAG then skipped to Role Models. We kissed I was scared his lip ring would hurt me, but it didn't. He told me I was cute. And all of a sudden my shingles and acne and strange weight and bump on my nose and bad hair disappeared... or they were all still there and it was just dark and his glasses were off.

I told him I thought he was cute and he responded, "no, I'm not." His modesty made him more attractive.

"I'm a good boy,"he told me and I was thrown for a loop because when I was 19.. I was FAR from being a "good boy."

So he left me at 3AM... and yay intimate friendship... or is this what people call early stages of dating? or "talking?"

EPIC WIN!

Asian Americans in Entertainment

I love that shit.

My number 1 blog reader invited me to go to the International Secret Agents Concert sponsored by Wong Fu productions in San Francisco.


I was in love, empowered and moved.




Passion
Paul Dateh
Far East Movement
Jin the MC

I didn't feel like waiting in line to meet them, seeing them perform live was good enough!
I wanted to buy Paul Dateh's CD, but I didn't have enough cash. He was particularly inspiring, adorable and talented. I loved him so much.

Hip-hop Violin and pure vocals. I heart you.


==

And of course Asian talent trying to penetrate the western market (instead of the reverse).
Utada - Come Back to Me is a great ballad (she's actually Asian Am with 3 American albums)
Boa - Improved her accent, but some songs are like pouring acid into your ear to hear (oh well)
Se7en - Who I think is too Asian metro to be popular among westerners.

Keep it up!!

Carl reminded me about Utada's Devil Inside song that hit the charts back in 2004. YAY! And Girls on the Dance floor by Far East Movement is #4 club hit in LA? Pretty sweet if you ask me.

Other interesting things stolen from a friends blog:

The first Asian artists ever to have a number one US single, was Jpop singer was Koda Kumi, with, Trust Your Love, in 2001. She was followed by Jpop singer Utada with, Devil Inside, in 2004, and then Korean Jpop singer Mink in 2006 with her single, Glory To Life. Though these females did have number one singles, their singles only reached number one on the US Billboard Hot Club Charts. They never managed to cross over into mainstream American radio. Jpop singer, Tanaka Roma, also released an English language single stateside titled, Addicted.

==

Tonight I'm going to see Fruit Fly which is an independent musical about a fag hag. The movie is based in the bay and is a part of a film festival that's going on.

Empowered to the MAX!