69 Cents

I really don't give a shit.  And I find creative ways to entertain myself.  So back in 2014, I was browsing the social feed of venmo to see where my friends were having dinner without me and paying each other back.  I noticed this guy who I thought was pretty cute and interesting based on his ... other payments.  We had one mutual friend.

So like any self respecting gaysian thirsty for friendship, I decided to send him a payment of $0.69 with a few fun emojis.  I never heard from him and just left it as a funny story, making my friends feel uncomfortable that I actually did something like that.  But whatever, this guy was in New York and he took my money.

Fast forward 3 years later to my Tokyo trip with my family in 2018.  I was dying for something that wasn't my family and I found myself at a gay bar.  In the sea of gays I see him and somehow remember his first name.   I never remember names especially this one since I've always referred to him as 69 cents.  I only had two drinks in me, but in addition to desperation for a familiar face I shouted his name.

He didn't hear me and walked on.  So... like a lion to a gazelle, I chased after him. 
"Is your name Jun?!"  I was super excited.  The gears in my psychotic mind were turning.
"yeah.. um... "
"you don't know me, but we have a mutual friend!  How are you?  What are you doing here?"  I talked to him like we had known each other for ages and he followed along.

He told me about quitting his job, how he's been traveling for months.  I think seeing another American was refreshing for him... and then he disappeared after 5 minutes.  That was just the right amount of time to make me feel better and less lost in a foreign place.  I was so exhausted with my family that anything that felt like home aka - gaysian-American, felt nice.

Obviously, I didn't mention the $0.69 part.  I'm sure he knew, but wanted to make myself seem as normal as possible.  Which I thought I was pretty successful in doing.

I send this picture to our mutual friend who was aghast that we "ran into each other."  More like I ran at him.  He then shared his chat with 69 cents.

Glad to see that the story matched up.  But then I noticed that our mutual friend covered some of the text previously.  I can only imagine what was censored.  But you know what... I don't give a fuck.  I'm just here to make people feel uncomfortable while I laugh at myself at my ridiculousness.

How to Find Random Gaysians Online... and Creep on Digital Strangers

The internet makes it too easy to find people.  Just need a first name and you can really go hunting especially gay people.  Why?  Because we're narcissists and need to show the world that we're doing okay by checking in, by oversharing, by posting constantly.

A quick glance at an instagram geo hashtag and you'll find a gay sprinkled in the mix.   But you can also do the reverse if you're looking to "discover."

Tonight's adventure starts on YouTube.

1. Start with popular, but not viral LGBT video on YouTube. Brian Jordan's Gender Fluid Fried video is my current choice.

2.  Scroll the comments and find that gaysian thumbnail.  OH hayyyyyy.

3. Dig into their social media and subscriber list.  Oooo. Cultured.  I like that.

4. Slide into their DMs.  I've decided to go with, "Wow! I've always wanted to go to Italy!"

Bam.  New gaysian friend.

"But Chris, how do you do this without coming off creepy?"

Hate to tell you, but... I'm creepy... and you can be creepy too.  The end.

A Quick Birthday Post a Month After

In your 20s you feel every year.  You're counting down until you reach 30 which seems to be the deadline to achieve all of your goals.  After that, you're just.. "in your 30s."  And that's what it felt like when I turned 33 this year.   

Jimmy truly surprised me for my birthday bringing all our friends into our house for an impromptu party while I was trying to host a game night with new shy faces.  I was thrilled, but not prepared.  As I was frantically pulling out snacks etc. Kevyn whispered to me, "it's okay to not be in control Chris."  And after that I just relaxed and caught up with folks instead of playing with the playlist and lighting.  I got my ube cake and I made new friends and saw old ones.  Jimmy took me out to a nice hidden gem restaurant a week after called Oriel in Chinatown that has become a favorite.

I've noticed that my vision is weakening and I've had my 8th bloody nose yesterday during a client meeting.  I'm seeing a head specialist who will probably cauterize the vessels.  But it was a moment of embarrassment when my clients left me alone in the conference room while I gushed into a trash can for 20 minutes.  I've determined that digesting spicy foods is not the only physical issue to concentrate on.

I had a heavy weekend learning about my friend's drug abuse and trying to properly address it.  I learned about another friend's aunt who's essentially a vegetable because of potential surgery malpractice causing his family severe depression and stress.  It reminded me that our mental health needs to be taken care of along with our physical.

===

In over 10 years we finally took a family vacation to.... TOKYO!

Crammed into a one bedroom was my mom, dad, brother and his girlfriend.  My parents on the bed.  Brother and girlfriend on the floor in the living room and me on the side on a pull out.  Zero privacy for 7 days and it was exhausting.  Especially since I was expected to plan the entire thing minute by minute.  There was a moment I got sick and I had to navigate myself by home because my parents didn't probably know how to use google maps.  I guess, this is the turning point in which I have to be the one to take care of my parents despite how youthful they may seem.  But damn, I thought "family trip" meant that I just had to tag along.

On my actual birthday I again picked the place the eat and navigated everyone there.  It didn't feel special so I decided that not matter what, I was going to go to the gay neighborhood to get myself a birthday drink after ditching the family at the Airbnb.

I was alone at The Eagle, Tokyo in Nichome... a familiar brand, but not an English speaker in sight.  I was hoping to meet up with Ernesto who had stopped responded for a few hours.  He was there taking care of business with his partner, but just landed that afternoon.  I assumed the jetlag got the best of him.

But they arrived and took me to a drag bar which I enjoyed.  I needed some gayness to balance the family time.  Luckily I was able to connect with an instagram friend for another night to give me another needed break.

==

It's already 10PM and I should sleep.

Walk up at 5:20AM, catch the 6AM shuttle, Arrive at work at 7AM, catch the 3PM shuttle, arrive at home by 4:30PM, look up something to eat or cook.

Browse flipped homes in desirable locations.  Compare potential mortgages to current rent control, realize that the investment would make most sense for non existing off spring, close computer.

Repeat.

==

A Different Breed of Gays

We hosted another house party in February for Lunar New Year.   We called it "Year of the Doggy Style," and encouraged people to dress up to their interpretation.  As innocent as Snapchat dog ears to puppy play kink, but you know... our circle of friends, not from Weho went in a few directions as anticipated.

When you think of a dog themed gay party...

EXPECTATION

REALITY

Doge approves.

We we had some leather as well of course!

But that's the idea of creating a safe space.  Be as freaky as you want to be and whatever that means is up to you!

Fur-bulous!

Was laughing at this for 10 minutes.

Jimmy's Vlog:

Two Old Gaysian Short Films that Surprised Me.

With HereTV's Falling for Angels: Koreatown, Chapter II train wreck that showcased a unrealistic interaction between two Gaysians in LA's Koreatown I decided to spend the morning watching some old gaysian shorts and I was pleasantly surprised.


The Golden Pin



This film addresses family obligation with blunt metaphors and good chemistry.  The Mom always knows.  I also love that the main character is a Vietnamese stud and that the white characters are just background.  The focus after all is about the Asian and his family and western elements are "the other."  He's also hot as fuck.

Yellow Fever



This film is SO 90s, but also so UK.  But the racial issues here are relatable.  The main character is intentionally insane.  He's hung up on his identity as a potato queen.  The moral of the story is summed up in this line, "when it comes to relationship, it should be about personality, not nationality."  Which is of course 90s talk for ethnicity.  The film exposes how ridiculous the gay community can be.

Falling for Angels: Koreatown
This was such a missed opportunity to showcase LA Gaysians; it felt like the director interviewed a handful of gaysians and smashed together his observations into one long terrible cringy dialogue.  It felt like it was going through a checkbox of things.  Actual quotes:

• There's this metamorphosis that happens when you'r having sex looking into someone's eyes that look like your own
• I knew that if i could love someone that looked like me, I could love myself
• The [SGV gaysians] who grew here are like a different race, they're self confident and well adjusted and they breakdance.  It's like where's the neuroses of low self esteem? 

All of the issues covered identity issues.  But the gaysian community faces a lot more than just self hate.   They should have just scrapped the script and followed a group of four gaysian friends to Rage in Weho.  And then have them gossip at BCD Tofu house in Koreatown at 3AM featuring the following characters.

• Slutty one who's careless, lonely and parties
• Social Justice Warrior who doesn't practice what he preaches
• Transplant with insecurities that overcompensates
• One that's dating a white guy and addresses sticky-rice hypocrisy 

I can assume that the writer only knows gaysians who live in white spaces, who have and compete for white boyfriends.   These Gaysians, who are the sprinkle of color, struggle with predictable identity and rejection issues as the constant "other"  have been addressed enough.  Falling for Angels: Koreatown had the opportunity to expand outside those themes.Why not feature gaysians who are well adjusted and focus on their LA born/raised here specific lives?  Or is it unfair and alienating to show this utopian where the people you're interested want to date you back and that everything you do and speak is popular thought because both your high school and college were a majority Asian?

The first scene where the condom breaks was ridiculous.  It would have been more realistic if he discovers that the adopted Korean sleeps around A LOT and freaks out because of how nonchalant he is.  

"When was the last time you got test?!?"

"I don't know.. a few months ago.. don't worry about it.."

This would address hook up paranoia + hook up carelessness in two contrasting characters.  

Any way... I just hate missed opportunities.  

Investing in Friendship

A few Fridays ago I stopped by a friends' apartment where I was greeted with sliced oranges seasoned with special salt purchased from their trip to Mexico city as well as a sampling of mezcal.  The mezcal was supposed to be less earthy, but there definitely smoke seeping through my glass.

He put on a record which included some eclectic loungy tunes.  His partner chuckled as I made jabs about the music.  As I sipped, I declared "man, you guys really know how to relax me, this is just what I needed to unwind on Fridays."  Though I declined special espresso beans, I felt my body absorb their good energy.  They were hosts that made sure I was comfortable.  No detail was missed.

After Jimmy arrived, we headed out to Honda-Ya for some izakaya.  Jimmy and I usually avoid izakaya because we're never really satisfied, but we realized we were doing it wrong.  In order to truly enjoy izakaya requires ordering everything and not being concerned about the price tag/value.  Too often, I put "value" or "price" on food/experience.  Noodles should cost this, pizza should cost this, meat on sticks should cost this, but what I didn't account for was the value of company. 

Our friends ordered everything that sounded delicious.  The plates stacked up.  Jimmy and I watched them bicker about ordering California Rolls.   Jimmy and I laughed nervously, but as always the bickering turned into teasing, turned into affection.  This couple in front of us argue so much, but it's because they're honest with each other.   And the honesty surpasses the criticism of food or music preference.

We got the group together to sing karaoke after dinner in our usual VIP room- a playlist that included high school rock, Japanese pop, Bjork and Rihanna.  At the end of the night it clicked...

...that I need to invest in friendship the way these guys do.  By hosting, by caring, by being honest, by putting value on good company.  I want to be less calculated with my generosity.

2018, I told myself that I want to be better.  I've already failed in a few ways, but it's a work in progress.

Ridesharing Stories

I enjoy this forced interaction with strangers when taking Uber / Lyft.  Something about learning about what people are up to and broadening my understanding of this complex, yet simple city I live in.  And they don't mind talking usually.  My questions are structured:

• How's your day going?
• Been driving for a while?
• What neighborhood do you live in?
• Is this your full time gig or are do you have other projects?

People in LA love talking about where they live.  This is how I learn about back lounges, restaurants, and venues and quickly bookmark if it's interesting.  They also have other projects and don't mind talking about them since Uber/Lyft is just a way to get some cash while they work towards something bigger.  These four questions are sufficient in getting a good conversation going.  And my rides are that much more pleasant.  Here are a few stories I shared on Facebook, but I want to continue to blog about them here.

January 2018

My driver this week told me that he managed the popular Nick's Cafe in Chinatown for two years. The owner told him to count every raisin that he gave the customers and would close the store randomly when the venue was used for filming. This is where most of the revenue comes from. The owner hated him and told him that she didn't need him. So he quite and the store remained closed for three months. "What? she said she didn't need me," he was sassy. "Any way, I'm going to open my own restaurant called 'Frit-Ta-Tas'. Everything will look like boobies...the eggs will have nipples."

December 2017 - Various

Today's driver told me about her Mac and Cheese recipe, her late ex-husband who's best friends with Muhammad Ali, and her sisters who love to drink. At the end she gave me a candy cane. <3 span="">.

Last week my driver told me how he worked in Office rental sales and how burnt out he became.

Another guy was a rapper and was interested in how I think cool neighborhoods die once they become wealthy and popular.

A passenger in a shared ride told me he owned two LA bars. Another passenger was an extra and was heading to film a train scene.

Another was a mom looking for a new place to live while going to school.

Another guy told me that he worked for movie studios in set design and that the hand on the volleyball (Wilson) from Castaway was actually his.

In LA, getting from here to there is a struggle, and for me story telling makes the journey more pleasant.

More stories to come.