Overweight

Dinner

I knew I was in trouble when it was uncomfortable to sit down.  There's always going to be a little pudge on your tummy because you're pushing down on it while sitting, but on top of the flat tire was ... an additional roll.

That's right, I hit the second roll mark and that's when I realized I needed an intervention.  Those of you who have not experienced aquiring a second roll do not understand - it feels like there is more weight under your arm with no where to go but to sit on top of your love handle.  It's like a HAT for your love handle and you can feel it.. the whole time.  By crossing your arms you can reach around and give it a hand shake.  Disgusting.

The day has come for this fatty to become the type of person that he always criticizes:  people with dietary handicaps.  There is nothing more embarrassing than becoming something you've always made fun of and this is what I have to say - IM ALWAYS HUNGRY!

But now I'm counting calories using the "lose it" app WHICH by the way, is not meant for Asians because I can't plug in dim sum or pho.  There needs to be a Lose It - Orient version.  Along this journey I've received some helpful tips: lunch meat - low cal and great protein.  Ok, so i grab my turkey and dip in hummus.. but I finish the container... both containers.  FUCK.

Oatmeal - keeps you full, start your day with oat meal.  Well  those fibers are making me gassy.

...And that's it.

The good thing is by not eating out I've force myself to eat the things that we have in our pantry resulting in a good clean out.

What else is a good motivator is this Cancun trip I'm taking in mid February for work.  The LA office is getting into shape and I'm feeling the pressures of being LA beautiful while standing adjacent to the flabby Chicago office in group pictures.  On the elliptical I chant "cancun cancun cancun" and I wonder if people can hear me.

Jimmy on the other hand has been working on his weight since October and he is looking fione.  I call him slim jim.  He's on a daytime vegetarian and a eat out once a week plan. There goes my dream of being called the Chub Couple.

Faith in Other Humans

Jimmy posed a question, "if I felt physically threatened by someone what would I do?"  In this scenario, the police are unable to do anything and I have a sense that someone is out to harm me.

In this (extreme) situation would I get a gun as a form of protection? I responded, "no... I would NOT feel safer having a gun in the house." But I was unable to offer any other alternative solution.  The fact is, I have never felt this way so I really don't know how to respond.  Jimmy on the other hand had three black guys (of course they were black.. of course that's relevant) invade his house while he hid in the bathroom back in college.

Is it naive of me to believe that NO one is out to hurt me?  Is it silly to feel that the violence on the news is so far from me that I never feel unsafe?  Is it bad to have the, "it'll never happen to me" mentality?  I guess this ignorance keeps me feeling happy, but maybe one day I will realize that there are people out there who have nothing to lose by hurting me to get what they want... like the keys to my dented Toyota Corolla.

I've held a gun before and played at a shooting range, but even then I having extreme physical anxiety before I could get myself to go to bat. And it was still a game.  I've watched someone from the navy pull out his tool and whirl it around while being buzzed and feeling very uncomfortable. The phrase, "guns don't kill people, people kill people" is utter bull shit.  No one ever said that their 15 year old son found a taser in their nightstand and accidentally killed someone.

Back to the question above, in this extreme scenario I would get a weapon... a bat, a taser... but I will never resort to having in my hands something that can kill.  And I feel like buying a gun for "protection" is like replying ALL to an email chain saying, "please stop replying all."  Does more harm than good.  People are idiots.

I feel people are too eager to "protect themselves" from people that they feel are "dangerous."  Is this me being naive again?  I guess even a kindergartener can be a terrorist!

Pennsylvania kindergartener uses Hello Kitty bubble-gun at school, suspended for "terrorist threat"

Slutty Christmas

We were a bit modest this year.  Our SGV chinese food, echo park taco, little tokyo ramen bodies did not compare to the west siders' salad and gym on every corner bodies.  But we compromised to match the theme of our friend's Christmas party.

Though it was a cold night, the virtual fire on the big screen warmed me some how.  Yeah - we're wearing those American Apparel booty shorts again.  Made good use of those things.

Duck face... i believe thats Jack Frost and a Fawn?    Slut + Theme is actually hard to do... wait, no I take that back, mouse ears and underwear is not hard, but the creativity above is noteworthy!

Sometimes I wonder why the gay community loves to slut it up so much...

Oh yeah, that's why. That reminds me, I need to do my laundry... against your washboard abs.

You mean I have to diet AND exercise?!? Can't I just do one or the other?

Family Dinner with Sandy

Every time Sandy visits LA she offers to cook us a family meal!  To her surprise, some of the ingredients that she had left in our house in 2009 were still there... oops.  Well an expiration date is just a suggestion.  What's on the menu?  Her very own Kung Pao Chicken / Shrimp with some sautéed asparagus.  Tommy made some oden to compliment.  MMM!

Don't mind the guest mattress.

Cards Against Humanity instructed us to create a haiku.  Which one would select as the winner?

A snapping turtle bitting the tip of your Penis.
Poor life choices.
Amputees.

Yellow Playground

Pershing Square in DTLA

Date Night at Bashan

For those who just like looking at food.

Jimmy took me out to Bashan - French American in Glendale.  4 1/2 stars on Yelp! !
Thanks Groupon for the discovery!

Pork Belly 14

Roasted Butternut Squash Soup $12 

Prime Flat Iron Steak 27

Buttermilk Panna Cotta 8

Olive oil Poached King Salmon 27

Chocolate Bread Pudding 8

In Memory of Christine

2010 - Will Rogers Beach

Organic, expressive, bright, Spirited.  These are the words that are often used to describe Christine V. Le.  

I met Christine at a VSA general meeting, I was drawn to her energy and pulled in by her smile.  She joined because she was proud of her heritage.  She became an essential cabinet member and was nominated most spirited.  During Tet I remember how beautiful she looked in an Ao Dai.  She rocked that Ao Dai.

She had huge presence at the annual VSA culture show first dancing, then acting and finally playing a story telling clown in the show Monsoon - Gió Mùa. This was the perfect roll for her because Christine was a story teller.  I remember one time we were resting after a culture show and she fell asleep in my lap at Huan's house.  She murmured, "I love your inner thigh pillows."

Christine made her presence known in other communities - SASC, Dance and her Coop where she proudly displayed her recycled fashion.  Christine was expressive in these spaces and found her identity through culture, dance and poetry where she captivated everyone she performed for.

As we became closer, she would reach out to me, "DANCE WITH ME CHRIS!"  We took pictures together and in everyshot, she had her tongue, goofy.  If she wasn't goofy she would snuggle up against my body.  And anyone who has been touched my Christines can contest that her touch was electric.

I remember seeing her bald - shocked, "MY PARENTS ARE SO MAD, BUT I HAD TO DO IT!"  It became clear that her body and the world around it suffocated her spirit.  Her hair, her shoes, her clothes all had to be stripped away in order for her to feel like she can breathe in order to feel her surroundings.  Christine wanted to feel and experience everything.  Her hands callaused by touch, her feet rough from walkng bare foot.

After college, she accompanied me on a road trip down to LA.  She invited me into her home where she proudly excalimed, "do you want Buon Cuon!? my mom picked it up from the OC!"  On this road trip we talked about love, privilege and relationships.  Her mind was always on overdrive - digesting ideas and trying to understand the world.

We met up again - she carried a nalgene water bottle that looked like it had been run over, but she was very attached to it.  THough it served no practical use, it had become a part of her as it went along with her on every experience.   She showed me her binder full of ideas written on scraps of paper. a collection of her thoughts on colorful pieces of paper.  She wanted to open up a dance school. 

We went to the beach where she rolled around in the sand proclaiming that she can feel each grain on her skin.  "CHRIS! I LOVE THE SUN!"  She screamed.

I saw her in downtown LA.  She was in a car and screamed my name one last time with such enthusiasm and life.  Her voice echos in my mind.  

The last thing that she said to me was through a facebook message, through a poetic conversation

November 23, 2011

im ready for a performance chris

like

nasty everything packed

and fantastic

spastic

blast it

the lyrics

and movements

bloody secrets

please

i need it

sheeez

help me

pleaswe

when

can we be 

freeeee

so necessary

for meeee

to releease

these things

but maybe

it'll take some time

its always

its constant

marvelous

no stoppin it

pero

es muy necesario por

todos

to slowly

tu tu

gap nhau

trong

mot noi

"Tu tu gap nhau tron mot noi"

Which means - Eventually we will meet again in one place, in heaven.

I believe in heaven, Christine has found the freedom she was looking for.  This earth, this world could no longer contain her spirit that was meant to fly.

Dim Sum before her funeral - CAL VSA

Before entrance - suit is bursting at the seams

Tearing up during Eulogy

Amazing art piece

Highschool Tribute

Around her art

A couple of folks came up to me to tell me that my eulogy greatly captured how they felt about Christine.  This was important to me.  The speakers before me reflected on her high school life and I hoped that what I presented as her college life was a fair representation.  I prepared for my speech by light-heartedly pulling 5 pieces of tissue at the podium.  I was doing well until I teared up and delivered the rest of the speech with a strange frog in my throat.  Unlike my cousin Michelle's funeral in 2009 where I downed a beer before speaking, I was able to continue without experiencing painful heartburn and heartache.

Every time I think about Christine I murmur, "im mad at you."  Mad at her for not reaching out.  Mad at her for not properly saying good bye.  Mad at her for not responding to my text to her wishing her a happy birthday a year ago.  

I imagine myself intervening ... somehow... just being there at the right time to stop her from taking a route that she believed was the only way.  I've heard so many stories that end in, "...and thanks to so-and-so, I'm still here today."  And I wish I could step back in time to find her to make her understand that her life is worth living.  That many more people need to watch her dance, that she needs to create more art and experience everything this earth has to offer.  I'm mad at you Christine for not letting me show you and I'm mad at myself for not finding you in time.