Sunday, August 2, 2009

Thinking About Michelle.

My cousin Natassia offered to drive me to San Jose to go to Michelle's funeral. I took opportunity to reconnect with Natassia and to pay my respect to Michelle.

We left at 9PM from LA and arrived in San Jose at 2 PM. Natassia couldn't sleep because when I took the wheel she was scared for her life. Driving down curving mountains is hard! And the gas petal was so sensitive.

Michelle's funeral was lighthearted. The funeral room was crowded. The words of her mother tore my heart open. Her brother and sisters kept me smiling. During an open mic session I said a few words, but I couldn't keep the celebration of her life positive.

In complete tears I expressed how I wanted to be the one to save her. Yet, the only thing that I could do to make her happy is to offer life to other people. Because it was in Michelle's nature to put others before herself. I ended my emotional rant on how she taught me to be a better person and how much she is a part of my family.

You should have seen me, I was a wreck and experienced a 2 hour heartburn afterward. I thought that beer would have help my nerves, but in retrospect, I realize that it probably made me more unstable.


I didn't tell my coworkers that Michelle had passed, I was trying this whole- filtering what personal information you offer to others thing, but it didn't sit right. I have no reason to hide. I didn't tell folks I drove up to the bay, but I did say hi to those who were around.
I did invite MoAny to the reception. MoAny is connected because of his donation to ProjectMichelle. MoAny is family to me. My family loves MoAny.


Even though I didn't grow up with Michelle, eventhough it was only later that I got to know her,
Michelle touched me. With a couple of memerable phone calls, by being here and there in my life, she has touched me in a way that her absence made me cry for hours.


Today, I had pho with my cousins. One of which is pregnant. I learned that there is superstition that declares that women carrying their first born should not attend a funeral, especially one of a young person. It is believed that the fetus does not have a soul yet and at a funeral the deceased spirit could jump into a developing person.



One thing that was said during the reception that stood out: Michelle was given a mission and finished it early. And she is now on another mission in another world. This idea made me smile, nevertheless, the one thing that she never got to do was become a mother... that was all she ever wanted. and she would have been amazing....


dannie said...

Even though i never met her, i feel touched by the stories i've heard from your blog.

I found an article about Michelle in a Japanese newspaper last week while i was at Roy's station.

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Was Once said...

Your short journey with Michelle will make you a better person. She gave you a gift, don't forget to thank her whenever you have a chance!

letopho said...

Anh said: "this entry made me reminds you that life is too short and you gotta live it to the fullest! "Michelle was given a mission and finished it early. And she is now on another mission in another world." made me smile as well. you are missed chris!"