Tuesday, February 1, 2011

You're More Likable if You're Single

I've been single for 3 years and getting into a relationship has not been a smooth transition as I thought it would be.  But why would it be considering the circumstances?

I met someone from OkCupid and thought it would be a good idea to bring the boy along to meet him. I figured that if we were to both meet the OkCupid guy at the same time, it was as if we were BOTH making a new friend... expand our circle.  Too bad I failed to mention to the boy that we were meeting up with someone from OkCupid... the dating site... not the friendship site. (Shit, my bad).

"I feel like I'm a third wheel on your date with this guy," the boy said over the live jazz music.  I thought this was ridiculous, I knew as little about the OkCupid guy as he did. If anything, the OkCupid guy should have felt like a third wheel.  In my mind, we were both making an effort to make a new friend.  The OkCupid guy was trying to make conversation with the boy, but was quickly shot down with one word answers.  I didn't understand what the problem was. If I was the boy I would have done my best to interrogate this stranger from this random site and tell him to get off of my MAN's balls.  We left early, the boy was hurt, the mood was killed.  But I loved the jazz club... and couldn't enjoy it.

"You didn't introduce me as your boyfriend," the boy added.  I stumbled to explain myself, but then the boy told to me what my subconscious was thinking.  "Chris, you didn't introduce me as your bf because you wanted to seem single.  People think they are likeable when they are single."

I thought about it.  It was true.

When you're single you are free to meet random boys and experience random things.  Whether it turned into something, into nothing, it doesn't matter.  You tag along to their daily life and discover more about your city.  When you're single you can explore other people without feeling guilty because you should be home with your man.  You discover new foods, new venues... a random Live Jazz Jam session in Chinatown!!!  So I felt like I needed to come off as single in order to not miss out on any of these things.

For the sake of new friends or not, it doesn't matter - the boy knew it and explained my actions negating my justifications immediately.  I wanted to be single... I've been doing it for so long.

Before I continue, if you're my friend, don't tell me you read this blog because this is my therapist and I refuse to start an anonymous blog.  Acknowledge the blog wall, I'm tired of inhibited writing. 


Last night we got into another spat that was related.  I questioned whether or not I wanted this-  The stress, expectation, insecurities, obligations of being in a relationship.  I had forgotten about all of this having been gallivanting for so long.

It made me realize that you can't just jump into a relationship.  It made me realize that "In a Relationship," carries a lot of weight that people in general are not willing to accept so they make other categories:

But it also made me realize the people are too eager to jump ship when they hit a hurdle.

I am in a relationship and that means I am willing to work on developing something that can potentially become amazing and fulfilling.

You don't just get into a relationship, you work on a relationship.  And that's what I agreed to when he asked me to be my boyfriend.  So we did just that - worked it out.  Communicated. Understood.

You feel so good in my arms.  I will always introduce you as my boyfriend and any "opportunity" I miss because of it wouldn't feel as good without you there.


HD G Vid said...

lol, love the relationship status pic :D

Will said...

So I have been pretty active in my company's gay pride network- they're a fun group; they participate in some really exciting events with other large firms and non-profits; they sponsor events with local charities; it's just a great group and I really enjoy it.

Some of the people there know I have a bf, but it's not like the first thing I tell people there. I didn't really think much of it until recently when one of the other guys there added me on facebook and sent me a message saying he thought I was cute. First of all, I thought that was kinda inappropriate cause it is a work-related acquaintance, but then again I don't think that hookups within this network are THAT uncommon so I guess I should stop clutching pearls about that. I told him that I have a bf, and that was that. It wasn't that awkward after all.

But I did start to think about why I hadn't been more open about my relationship status in that group, and I think a part of me guiltily does like the ego boost when someone hits on me, even though I'm not gonna act on it. It's kinda irrational, but I also worry that people aren't going to invite me out to bars and clubs if they know I have a boyfriend, just cause they might think I'm all settled down.

P. said...

1. You brought your BF to meet a guy you met from a dating site.
2. You don't understand why your BF was mad about this.

What's wrong with you?

Even if you were to introduce the boy as your boyfriend to the OKCupid boy, you don't bring your BF to meet a random guy from a dating site, period.

And why you are still looking for boys on the dating site when you already start a relationship?

Lastly, didn't you read the gay covenant: Thou shall not date thy friend's ex. Again, what's wrong with you?

Finally, your life seems to be interesting again.

letopho said...

@HD G VID: I do too! Got it off tumblr

@Will I feel you completely. Folks will still invite us even though we are taken... right?!?

@P I enjoy being interesting