Monday, March 26, 2012

Liquid Diet


I have to drink one gallon of laxatives to clear my system before my colonoscopy today.  This liquid diet isn't for vanity ... it's for health.

Looks like Jimmy and I are becoming old men really fast.  The waiting room was full of old people.  Apparently pooping problems is an old person issue.

Have you ever heard a girl go pee?  They make... SHHHHHH sounds.  My guess is instead of a smooth stream it's like someone set the hose nozzle to mist.  Anyway, I was experiencing that after my first 2 pints of liquid hell.  I was also starving.  I don't know why I was reading food blogs when I wasn't allowed to eat anything by chicken broth for 24+ hours.  Complete self inflicted torture.  Things that I normally find revolting like pastries in the morning or Cheesecake Factory was making my mouth water.


For years upon years, I've had hemorrhoid issues.  They come and go and I go on with my life.  My lack of fiber could be to blame, but it's come to a point where I really really hurts to shat.  Like, dude, something is wrong.  Maybe it was how I was sitting instead of squatting.

I've put it off, but thankfully my coworker has his checked without any shame sending a mass email to everyone.

"I'll be out of office today for a Colonoscopy.  Let me know of any projects beforehand."  This email elicited some hilarious feedback such as:

"Can't you just take this during your lunch?"

With that, I sat down with him, asked him about his experience and went to his recommended doctor.  Lucky for me I was able to get in appointments by stating the emergency: Rectal Bleeding.  Apparently you can get to see the doctor the next day if you're having a period through your butt.  And the next weekend, I'm scheduled to have a camera go up my butt.

"What if I have booty hole cancer?" I asked Jimmy.
 He responded, "you don't have cancer.  One of the main symptoms is weight loss... you DEFINITELY don't have that."  #rude.  His response made me feel fat... but better about the situation.  Especially since WebMD was telling me that I had 6 months to live.

It all has been a joke at 321 - Jimmy taking pictures of me drinking laxatives.  Telling me, "don't worry baby, I'll turn the music on really loud so we don't hear you."  Yeah. Hilarious.

Everyone having a good time


Another coworker pulled me to the side and asked me, "could you tell me why you're going to the doctor... if you don't mind?  I'm curious."  In a whisper tone in her cube, I told her what was up and she was thankful because she was experiencing the same things.  Her biggest question, "so what made you decide to go to the doctor?  At what point did you say that this needed to be checked."

And to be honest, it was because of the first coworker who spoke so candidly about it made me feel like this needed to get done so that I know that everything is okay with my body.  That I wasn't the only one with a hemmy problem that needed to be checked out.


I guess that's the problem with feeling "alone" so to speak.  It prevents you from taking the necessary steps to resolving it with your body, your mind, your spirit.. whatever.  But the fact is.. there are billions of people in the world and you're not the only one a "problem."  This can be applied to anything I guess.

In a couple of hours, I will have this checked off my to-do list and I can concentrate on other life things with out struggling with this one hurdle which is costing me $450 btw.  Thank you insurance (ugh).  That's how much my flight to Asia was (with years of rewards points.)

I'll tell you how it goes. ... and after this, I have to figure out how to file my own taxes.  #firstworldproblems

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