Wedlock

This weekend I attended a cousin's wedding.
My parents were giving them a hard time because they felt the groom was disrespectful- he didn't greet them during holiday parties. Tip: ALWAYS say hi to every family member. But he apologized for the misunderstanding and we attended the wedding at a vineyard.



I hated the priest. He was like Mr.Rogers. After every sentence he would say, "that's awesome, isn't that wonderful? fantastic" He was ridiculous, silly and cheesy and I wanted to shoot him so that his body would fall into the grape vines behind him.

I was sort of awkward around family. My family is a show off family... college degrees, musical talent, aspiring careers. To say the least, the other side of the wedding was a little ghetto and we all judged them for it. I had nothing to report, so I stayed quiet.



Michelle was there and I was happy to see her. She was looking fly! Though I had nothing to say. I did not want to remind her of her chemo coming up, so we just exchanged smiles and dance moves on the dance floor. Her presence warmed my spirit, I wish I could have sent her stay strong vibes.


Stay strong Michelle. Go go go!!!!!!!!!!!

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My mom is lonely. She feels cold when my dad touches her.
What do I say to that?

I was tongue tied. I felt as if I failed at comforting her. Failed to offer any rational reasoning.
And when I hugged her, she didn't really hug back... she just kept crying.

After chatting with her, I felt like Clinical Psychology may not be the right thing to do. I think that I need therapy and I am far from being in control of my thoughts and emotions; getting paid to help others would be disastrous.

In the back of my mind I was thinking, hoping, that my mom was just having an weak moment. If my parents were to divorce, I would be okay because I'm grown up, I think. And the important thing is that they are happy.

I guess, behind every song that they record, every party that they attend, every 'perfect family picture' that we take.. there is a hidden sadness that no one wants to unveil.

==

One of my cousins suggested that I go through therapy. She said that her therapist suggested that she have a picture of herself in her room to remind her to take care of herself.

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It's hard to commit all of yourself for so long. Marriage is a big deal.
When you're committed for so long... sometimes you wish you were selfish and single.