Yes, I Am a Homosexual

"Yo, Gay Club. You IN?"
"...hmm.. yeah okay, I'll pick you up in a few"

Smyr is my straight homeboy. I was surprised he was so willing to hit Hunter's with me so I bought him two drinks. I rewarded the straight man for being open minded. And to relieve him of so much suffering when girls take advantage of his wallet and run away without even dancing with him.

As I sat there waiting to be picked up, I made myself a Gin and Sprite. Smyr called me, "I'm here!" I ask him, "Am I an alcoholic?" Smyr says, "no, you don't go out often enough."

Good.

==

I complimented the girl next to me at the bar "I like your necklace!" I picked it up from her chest and she smiled. She proceeded to tell me about her friend's Cajun restaurant and of course, I gotta check that out.

I danced with another girl who had perfect rhythm. I mean it was like a the missing puzzle piece from my body. "Girl, are you trying to convert me... cuz it's working!" I realize how smooth I am talking to women. And I'm extra sassy.

There was this group of Asian guys that I wanted to talk to, but I got HELLA shy. Dang. But luckily I knew one of them... they were dancing in a circle and I felt like a creepy drunk dude latching on like an appendage.

==

Time for Cinebar... and there he was.
A boy.

Not just any boy, but with my beer goggles, a tall, handsome boy at the bar. He was with his homies.

"Smyr... look at him! He's so HOT!"
"Um.. he's aiight."
"I gotta talk to him"
"DUDE! He's so straight! And he's with his crew, what would you even say."
"I'd say, Yo, I wanna suck your cock." Okay, I was drunk, Cinebar was a Monday empty and I'm a loud person in general. The boy looks in our direction and dashes to the restroom. Smyr started to laugh.

When he came back, I sat at the bar next to him. Okay more like I started to rub my arm up against him. We made eye contact about 3 times before he said something. Which is good, because I would have been like. "DURRRCOCKDURRRYOULOOKGOODO"

He said, "whatchu drinking?" His homies started to laugh uncontrollably, I think he was dared to talk to me.
"Kettle Vodka"
"What?"
"Oh shit, I mean Kettle Sprite" I was soo giddy, I was retarded
"Whered you guys just come from?"
"Hunters"
"Isn't that a homosexual club?"
"yup."
"Yo.. are YOU a homosexual?"
"yup"
"Oh that's cool, we are not homosexuals."
"Aiight"

I was humored, "a homosexual," I don't know if he was trying to be P.C. or funny or was imitating what he heard from his priest. It's like saying Caucasian.. it does't exactly flow naturally across your tongue.

I continued to flirt despite that. And then he bounced. I needed 10 more minutes to get his number. I should have slipped him mine. I'm SOOOOOOO disappointed in myself. God, all that wasted smooth talking on girls.

==

Next time, I ask for their name FIRST. In the words of Mama-san "I am bisexual, I like both gay men and straight men."