Being Selfish is very Un-sexy

Last weekend was amazing. It’s possible that it was amazing because work has consumed my life and I look forward to these mini-vacations. Or it could be because of a BBQ, bar hopping, and a certain visit from someone from out of town. I think I went out with Diana 4 nights in a row! And it’s great that I can finally treat my friends out.

This week also made me realize what sort of investments we make as people, interacting and depending on others.

Case 1: My friend told me about his lavish birthday. Leather jacket, MP3 player, and basically a shopping spree were on his gift list. He reasoned that he took care of his friends. Anything they needed he would do without question. I see that; many times he has offered a drink, a ride and never hesitates to give me a bite of his meal. Giving expensive gifts doesn't mean they're good friends to him, but shows that they realizes that he's good to them.

But at times, people aren’t as generous or investing. It could be because they are tight on cash or because they are based on numbers. You pay here, I pay there. Or maybe they feel like nothing with be returned to them.

It makes me question what is better. Should we play the “you pay this time, I pay that time game?” Or should we always split it down the middle? In terms of friends, it’s important not expect anything in return because if they are your friend, their appreciation is good enough… well maybe in my ideal world.

Case 2: Among my group of friends we rarely ask for money from each other unless it’s for gas for a long trip and even then, I’ve gone to SoCal without having to give my fair share. But regardless, if my friends need me, they know I’ll be there for them and as long as everyone understands that, no one feels taken advantage of and the important thing is we are all having a good time. That’s an investment with high return. (I’m also researching credit cards.)

Case 3: This weekend’s BBQ was fully provided by Sandy’s sister who didn’t even attend. If we were able to scrounge up some money, it’s just awkward to give her an envelope for her services. She put in time to make food and as friends, we’ll remember and when she needs help, we are there. She was investing in people who she cares about or may need in the future.

I have a list in my mind of people who I feel as though I am indebted to because of their tangible and intangible gifts… and because I am aware, I’m trying my best to repay them. Not because they expect it, not to even the playing field, but to make sure they realize that I appreciate them and I’m not trying to take advantage of anyone.

It is important to be fair, but it’s also important to realize that someday it will all come back in the end when you least expect it. And I have to remind myself that everyday because being selfish is very un-sexy.