Empty Handed

Yesterday, I was awaken by a phone call from the company I applied for, a small manufacturing firm in Santa Clara for a Sales Associate (Business to Business) job. They asked me if I was available for a phone interview at four in the afternoon. I agreed.

My dad asks me if I wanted to go to the Egyptian Museum with him and I said yes because I never spend time with him. As we took pictures and explored the artifacts that were probably stolen from Egypt by American Archaeologist, I remembered how much my dad LOVES Egypt. He has a couple of pieces decorating the house. It was his birthday the next day and I wanted to find something, but he bought what he wanted from the museum store.

He drove me home for my interview and I prepared myself. Though, I didn't prepare myself too well because I really wanted the CNET job in Project Management over this, but regardless, I NEEDED A JOB. After getting a glass of water, I had my answers ready and locked the office door behind me. They did not call me until an hour later and by then I had gotten really anxious.

When they had finally called, I discovered that I should have prepared better. I was a bit too modest and my answers were shaky. They asked for my GPA, I lied and said 3.2 and immediately gave an excuse about wanting to experience more than just studying all day. The lady on the other end sensed my embarrassment and reassured me that a 3.2 at Berkeley was nothing to be uncertain about. Great, the interview was already going horrible. Then I heard a beeping noise. My dad was trying to call me and I couldn't shut it off. I became distracted and flustered and it probably showed. My answers were all wrong and they didn't cater to the position. Failing to pick up, my dad calls the house phone. It rings off the hook next to me! I become agitated. After only 15 minutes the the recruiters did not need to hear any more from me and told me they'll contact me. I felt like I failed. I yelled to anyone who could hear me. WHY!?! God you knew I had an interview! I probably didn't even make it to the next stage.

My dad came home and asked how my interview went. I said horribly because there was an incessent beeping noise in the background. He nonchalantly said sorry, but made an excuse: no one was picking up their phones and he had figured I had already finished interviewing. He asked me back, isn't there a way to turn it off? I sneered at him, "NO! there isn't!" He said nothing more. No encouraging words to make me feel better. No other words of apology. I did not sense a feeling of remorse. I got more angry that he didn't even care that he fucked up my interview. But in actually I was just blaming him because I probably fucked up regardless of the distraction.

I told my mom that he didn't even feel bad that he ruined my interview and that pissed me off. She reassured me that he felt really bad; she could tell by the way he's moving. She explained that his family was not doing too well. Cancer, divorce, loss... his support from his brothers and sisters was falling apart and I fell into shame because I was so selfish that I didn't pause to think about all the shit that he has to deal with on a regular basis, and tomorrow (now today) is still his birthday and like usual, I am empty handed.