Dangerous yet Desirable

Dangerous
I saw the boy that I had been crushing on for a year now. The boy that I avoided because... he was just a boy and at that time, I didn't want to "corrupt him."

He finally came out. While others stood shocked, I smiled and said, "I knew it all a long...after all he was flirting with me" I ended up in his in room, jet lagged, wanting to nap, but then talking about what was going on in his mind.

"You are a newb, you are dangerous"
"What does that mean?" He was very curious
"It means, that you're in a stage where you can't commit your emotions because everything is new and exciting and you just want to explore.. and have fun with your sexuality. And at the same time, others desire you because you have yet to be tainted by the 'community.' You are dangerous" Because I was desiring him for that very reason. Because kissing him did not mean kissing 100 other nameless "mistakes."
"I shouldn't be telling you this, you ought to be figuring this out on your own." I was jealous that he had someone to explain what typically happens... but by merely telling him won't prevent him from making mistakes, hurting others, getting hurt. All of which are necessary anyway.

He came close to my body. I held him tight. "You are dangerous." We tangled our limbs. I wanted to kiss him really badly, but I let him make the moves to remove me from responsibility. And while in my arms he came in for a kiss and we made out. I was reminded of when I was new to all of this; back when I was very aggressive and easily excited.

2nd Base
I wondered if he was paranoid that his roommates would walk in, he wasn't. He kissed as if he'd never kissed before, but as we went on he got the hang of it. He told me that he had already kissed one other boy. And no longer did I feel guilty. As long as I didn't have to take responsibility for being his first. I was careful, we were fully clothed the entire time. I looked at his face... he was just a kid.

I had to go. I felt bad because I felt like I took something away from him- innocence. Maybe I gave him "experience," but unlike my first or second time... there was no intention from either sides of commitment; how could there be? I had demonstrated exactly what I had said minutes before, "desirable...dangerous."

I left saying, "Im sorry if I left you more confused."
To this he responded, "no.. you didn't." And he closed the door because we both knew that we were just... messing around. I let him experiment on me... while he let me relive the excitement of being new to all of this.

I came home and saw Caitlin. She shouted, "OMG, your neck!!!!" I rushed to the mirror. The boy had left marks on my skin. Several, dark hickeys on my neck from his inexperienced lips. OMG. I had forgotten what it felt like to get a hickey and did not stop him. The last time I had a hickey was Freshman/Sophomore year. A time that I was new and having fun with my newly discovered sexuality or rather newly discovered unashamed sexcapades, ... marking others and then putting their name down on my resume in my black book as I was" gaining experience."

I took part of his innocence, but I didn't allow myself to get far, I assure you that I kept my boundaries. He retaliated by marking me... No turtle neck or scarf can hide the fact that I had fallen into temptation...

Untainted boys are dangerous...yet utterly desirable

The Prop 8 Convo with My Mom

"I'm not prejudice, but Marriage should be between a man and a woman. To me, God created man and woman blah blah blah ignorance blah blah more ignorance blah blah." (That's like saying, I'm a Vegetarian, but I sure love veal!)

"It's about equality, mom" my voice got loud.

"I know it's a sensitive issue. Maybe it's my generation. But it's difficult for me to see same sex couples get married. I mean, they can be best friends... but to get married? It's only in the US that they would even think to allow.."

"no mom, in some countries in Europe and Canada, same sex marriages are recognized."

"Really? well, I didn't vote anyway, I was busy watching Korean dramas and politics has been pissing me off lately.

Perfect.

==

In the end she said she's trying to understand... that's all I can really ask for.

I'm so Proud of My Brother

He's representing the Asians at his Spirit Rally!

Check it!
He's break dancing at 1:04



And here's my dad singing Monster Mash for Halloween. It sort of sounds like Cantonese. My mom is the hot pirate.

In Search of Vietnamese Food

I yelped Vietnamese food in my area and found 3 terrible pho places and an eggroll stop.

Fuck, I'm so hungry.

Coming Home

Five hour flight to Korea
Eight hour layover in a terrible country where people are rude.
(JK, well.... the ppl in the Airport were rude)
Ten hour flight to San Francisco


I highly recommend flying Asiana. They gave me slippers, sleeping mask and toothbrush/paste. I watched 3 or 4 movies straight on my 10 hour ride. Maybe that wasn't smart, but now I can tell you that I like the concept of Mamma Mia the Musical, but wish they chose different actors instead of Meryl Streep and Pierce Bronson. Terrible terrible singers. It also wasn't very Greek at all. I also had fun checking out this 5'10 Korean Man-love steward(ess.) Mmm I bet his Kim Chi is very spicy. More peanuts please!

I made friends with this really cute energetic Vietnamese grandma. She was so charming and had a cute smile. She wanted me to go on the City Tour with her, but I already got a hotel to rest up. Aw man. She was very adorable and made my flight from Vietnam to Korea really pleasant. My ten hour flight from Korea to the US was spent next to this middle aged Korean woman who looked like she beat school children because she was the head of discipline. There were also a lot of Indian folk on the flight. Suddenly I had a day dream that I would be sandwiched between two people who did not believe in antiperspirant. At that point, I realized that I was very racist.

I had no problems re-entering the country even though I had smuggled in an orphan, pirated movies and the bird flu. I turned on my phone expecting 2 months worth of text/voice messages ... I had a total of 1.

Thanks guys. ;) haha. jk.




The first thing I did when I landed:
--Had sushi- MMmmm. Though I was craving Vietnamese food.
--Went to Walmart- I filed a complaint because I couldn't get anyone to help me for 20 minutes. No one smiled and everyone was morbidly obese. If I was in Vietnam I would had 4 cute servant girls quickly finding the products that I need as if by providing me with good service, I would buy them a ticket out of the country.
--Visited my Grandma on my dad's side and held an interesting conversation
--Napped
--Gave my family presents
--At night, I shivered my ass off.

So I realized that chopsticks may not be the best souvenir presents to give by the reaction on some of my friends' faces. I thought they were practical. Maybe you guys want magnets instead?

Oops.

BTW: Sally Corrupted my Family in Vietnam by Teaching them Thizz Face



Hairchive:
The Urban Vietnamese Man (I like the whoosh effect caused by wearing a helmet. My hairdresser only used thinning sheers!)



In Contrast:
The Would you Date me for 1000000000 dong?

Tu tu

In Vietnam, you do simple things to make money to survive. You work retail for 3 dollars a day, you work corporate for 500 a month. And then you use it on gifts and good meals.

Why save your money? Save for what? For later? What about now?

In theory, I should have been applying for jobs this week so that when I come back, I would have a whole bunch of interviews lined up so that I waste no more time. I have run out of excuses: no more unemployment checks, and I basically have my license back in a couple of weeks.

I have run out of excuses to be irresponsible. Has Vietnam taught me that I need to get shit done? No, Vietnam has taught me that I need to "let the ice melt" before I drink my Vietnamese Iced Coffee. "Tu tu" means... hold on, relax, take your time.

And I will. I'm in such a hurry to grow up that it has the opposite effect. I'm under a lot of pressure to compete with my peers and have a nice job before I hit my mid 20s so that I can have a nice apartment to myself and buy expensive furniture so that I can show off to my friends how BOMB ass I am. And then when they leave I can sit at my computer and watch porn to keep my mind off my stressful job.

Sounds like so much fun right? Ugh.

Tu tu... being with my Vietnam family has made me miss my family at home. It's time to come back. It's time to let go of things that have been holding me back, but there is no rush. No rush at all.

And you Thought Black people Talk a lot in the Theatre...

My last Friday night in Vietnam was spent watching a professional theatre performance of a ghost story!

My cousins were late, so I left their tickets in the front. My cousin yelled at me, "DONT DO THAT!! THAT HOW YOU LOSE A TICKET!!" I scoffed. Um... how? Vietnamese people don't trust each other.

Okay. So I don't think Vietnamese people know what "inside voice" is. EVERYONE was talking during the performance as if they were talking over traffic. EVERYONE! Even if you had no one to talk to, you were talking loudly. People were reacting to the show, asking questions and explaining the story to eachother.

EVEN the guy on my RIGHT was explaining the story to me; nudging me every 10 minutes. "Oh.. that must be the mom!" "Oooo that was good" "Did you see that?" Apparently I have a new best friend.

The guy next to the Left of me was on his cell phone, shamelessly.

UGH. I might as well have been at United Artist theatre on Shattack. People would NOT shut up. "OooH, the lights turned off, that must mean a ghost is coming out!"

No shit, shut up! AHHH!!!

I think it's because Vietnamese people have short attention spans (like me). They have to be doing something with their hands like: picking fruit, playing cards, or cheating you; otherwise they would be napping or drinking coffee on the street. It must be torture to sit in the theatre quietly... absolute torture.

==

After I got over it. The show was great! There were some amazing scenes where the stage caught fire and the main actors were breath takingly brilliant.

There were some scary parts and some teenagers who sat in the front row moved farther back because they were freaked out.

The stage itself was very elaborate, like a public college play. (Nothing like Wicked) and the story was simple (like Vietnamese people) that I was able to appreciate it.

I should have taken a picture of the set, but I didn't want them to take my camera away, so here's what it looks like after the show. LOL!
==

Final thoughts

==

Before the show, I had one more meal with my grandpa's younger brother. He told me how he would find me a nice Vietnamese girl with a wealthy family when I was ready. In fact, there was a cute girl who worked at the coffee shop down the street. Haha. He also told me that for 30,000USD, I can marry some stranger to make them a US citizen. How temptinging.

==

The girls at the stores love me.
So the girl I bought my swimsuit from, the girl I bought a tshirt from, and the girl I bought a vase from all wanted my number. They all wanted me to "teach them English" and in return they would "teach me Vietnamese."

Oh.. I'm not falling for that one. I know about you tricky tricky aggressive Saigon Girls.

==

I parited the night before, so I stayed in tonight packing my belongings.. shit.. I bought a lot of junk. It was fun, I had some Indian food in the Backpack district (who does that?) and then went to a bar and sat right next a singer! She was so good!

My friends were making fun of me because I sat there in awe with my mouth open. I could have touched her if I wanted.

That's when I realized that Saigon was like being in LA. In a sense that there is always something to do and someone to run into. I ran into an actor and 3 singers on the street. Though they weren't famous to me.. my cousins pointed them out. Saigon is the place to be if you're famous and I don't think it's that hard to get into that "crowd." Heh.

==

My aunt and cousins stayed up all night talking to each other. They're really close to each other because they depend on each other. Everyday they are reminded that family is all they have.

Here's a picture of my cousins sleeping while their mom paints their grandma's nails. I love it.

==

I got a traditional outfit made for my dad. I picked it up, put it on and stood next to the street waving to people. My cousins thought I was crazy. "I AM VIETNAMESE!!!" I shouted.

Because I am! Biiiiiiaatch. And not one thinks otherwise, until I try to speak. Then they think I'm a retard.