April Thus Far

I like April. This is my April Recap thus far.

April 5 Was Nick's Good Bye Party. :( Man. I think it's time I left this place too. It was a good time. We had fun with the panda head mask Chris J. got Nick from Japan.




April 12- Dance Show and Pageant, I am always a Fan
The day started off with some Dim Sum. Peruvian Joe was the first to get there and to OUR surprise he already picked five dishes. One of them was chicken feet. Joe was more Chinese that Eric!

This girl walked pasted our table and a waitress accosted her. "YOU WAIT TWO MORE MINUTES!!!!!!!" In a meek voice she responded, "I just wanted to use the restroom."

I started to burst into laughter. Mony walked out of the bathroom saying, "you know Chris, the bathroom is around the corner and the water was running and I Still heard you laugh!" Man, I'm loud.

We killed some time and got some shaved ice in my hood then headed to the City to see Collaboration, a hip hop show with Main Stacks! Berkeley's first competitive hip hop team!

HOT!

The Palace of Fine Arts. What a hidden SF Treasure! Even though it was under construction, the ruins were still picturesque.


Szeto and MoAny being Gaysha:


The Show was.. okay. LOL.

It was like watching a really long youtube clip without the pause button.

I was of course there to support my boy Huan and others. Out of all 24 hip hop performances, I only enjoyed 4. Especially the ones with children! OMG! THey were so cute and danced better than a lot of the bigger kids! Yeah, Get hiphy! YEAH!


Through out the show, the MC warned that she would call security if she caught anyone recording the show. I got really nervous, but I knew Huan wanted me to record it even though he didn't ask me. Yay! I sent him the video that night and he told me a couple of the dancers cried watching it. AW, I love making people cry.

Cherry Blossom Pageant
My girl Miwa was a contestant in The Cherry Blossom Queen Program! Well, I was there to support her cuz she hot! Right when she did her intro speech, I knew she was going to win!

I didn't know what to expect. But geezus through out the show my heart was racing because the music was so intense. AND the contestants had to do difficult choreography.

Nick motioned to me to be positive during the show. That means not to shit talk about the other contestants.. OH it was sooooo hard! But they all had their strengths. Let's just say it was South Carolina all over for one of the girls and.... oh man, during the talent portion of the show, I was scared for my life for most of the routines. MIWA was hot, she did a hip hop, color guard combo piece and it was sex all over the stage! Tasteful sex of course and when she threw the flag that was twice her size in the air, Nick and I held our breath until she caught it with ease! GO MIWA!

Miwa KICKED ASS! But I was upset because they asked her such dumb questions during the interview portion: what shoes do you have, explain how you fail and what's the most important article of clothing you own. Bah. THough one of the host did give a disclaimer to the judges that some of the questions should be weighted differently.

The girl who won got: "What was the last thing you Googled." To this she responded, "Kristi Yamaguchi dancing with the stars. I find her to be a great role model." GOOD LORD. Someone read answer key before the show.

Miwa, my buddy, got 1st Princesses, which is second place. We were so proud of her. She was so beautiful and the best speaker!





When they announced her name, all of Berkeley stood up and cheered. Nick and I got light headed because we jumped up too fast. :D That's NSU love.

After was a chill celebration at the S&M Apartment. Top Model? ... More like Top psychopath


I made dinobites and reminded everyone that they were an NSU tradition. Like 30 times. I also burnt popcorn. A couple of non-Asian strangers came in and I pointed to their shoes, "OMG, DO THEY STILL HAVE THEIR SHOES ON!!!??" One of the girls flung her shoe off with celerity after my absurd announcement. Oh I'm so obnoxious, but come on, where do you think you are?

I miss these random nights with NSU. :[

April 13- Thai/Cambodian New Years
We had MAX Efficient Saturday/Sunday thanks to Szeto and his amazing driving while tired skills! We managed to check out the Buddhist Thai Temple in Fremont which is gorgeous be the way!


Oh man, the food was so delicious! I think the region of South East Asia has the best food!

MoAny explained that the tiny crab claw was for flavor. It was like sucking on a juicy rock. MoAny also showed us how to properly sit. Ouch! my knees!


After Lunch we did some Buddhist customs. Here we are washing the figures one for each day and putting in a coin. I put in TWO coins for Friday! And you put this gold foil thing on the statue.



I also ran into some friends! And my cousin and Michelle!! She was upset that I didn't think to call her because she was of course Thai. -.- oops!





I love cultures!

After the Temple Szeto, MoAny and I raided Joe's pool and swam for a couple of hours taking very unflattering pictures. =X. Then over to Danster's birthday dinner!

There I met this awesome couple! They made me laugh so hard. Except when the guy made very crude jokes like: I said I like helping the kitchen staff by licking my plate. He responded, "oh so you support immigrant rights?" Man.. That was very awkward. What are you supposed to say?
Bah.

And I found this Video Made me Laugh and the guy is kind of cute:

Please Press Format

I slept at 3am and woke at 6am "naturally."

I heard noises from upstairs. Wow, I never realized how much earlier my family wakes up compared to me. From the bottom of the staircase I spotted my brother blow drying his hair. "Is mom awake?" "yeah" he pointed to the master bedroom. I crept in and see my mom with a tooth brush in her hand.

"Why are you up? Go to sleep"
"Can you come here?"
"Is everything okay?"

I reached for a hug like a 2 year old who fell at a playground. "What happened?" Her hands were wet so she couldn't hug me back. "Everything is okay." I reassured her myself "I just need a hug."

I remember how much I love hugs. I remember in high school how often I would ask for them from friends and family. It's a comfort that I think humans depend on and would die within days if its existence was absent. I remember Smyr giving me the best hugs ever. It's funny because he doesn't wear cologne anymore, but doesn't need to because his skin/clothes is literally permanently fragrant with Anchorblue cologne that he used to permeate his skin with in high school.

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Quite frequently I would would scream that "I wish this day would JUST end." But for what? So I can sleep and do it over again? During sleep, during our dreams and nightmares, our subconscious reorganizes, categorizes useful and useless thoughts that plague our mind...sorts through the reality that has built up through out the day so that we always wake up with a fresh start. Like defragmenting a computer so it could run better the next time you use it.

And without sleep, I'm struggling to organize the files in my mind which exacerbates my pessimistic epiphany that truth is hard to accept:

Take your values. Take everything you believe in and analyze it. Take objects, people, ideas that you base your life around and unravel them; see what's underneath the glory. Expose truth. Open your eyes.

Take your favorite stuffed animal that comforts you and do research. Discover that it was made by children who get pennies a week to make toys they can't hold.

Take your favorite cigarette that calms you down, slims your figure and allows you to be social. And die 30 years earlier than you were supposed to.

Take your favorite fund raiser for Darfur and discover that it went to pay for the War in Iraq.

Take something that you value, love and discover that it was composed of the complete opposite.

It's a reality, it's truth that no one wants to hear because... well ... we live in a please-don't-shit-on-my-ideal-world society. We live in a HOW-ARE-YOU!? That's-GREAT! Bye-NOW! society. And when we realize that every seemingly functional person who is important in our lives is lying through their teeth like the stranger next to them, we sleep it off so that we can plaster a new smile on our face to be appreciated and passed along. "I can't wait for this day to end."
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I feel so naive because it felt so good to live with my eyes closed, refusing to be disillusioned. I didn't realize how idealistic I was. How much faith and value and pride I had for something that was a complete lie. How much I was taken advantaged of. How long I've experienced dishonesty. How I've let it hold me back, because it was the best damn tasting bullshit in the world and I missed it. But from now on I'd like my bullshit on the side, so I don't have to scrap it off with a fork.


Luckily, Danity Kane had a first aid kit handy and Anthony graciously made me a Feel Good Mix at 2am.
http://www.imeem.com/people/ETRuZF/playlist/XvmIp_9q/feel_good_music_playlist/
I love playlists. Please don't take that away from me too.


Last night I only had 3 hours to defragment. And I realize now that I would like to be formatted. No more corrupted files hidden in system folders. Thank you.

Random Thoughts

Target Upsets Me

I was getting pissed. I had only ONE item!!! The "express lane" was everything but. The idiot lady didn't know how to use her credit card. And the next guy used a check book! I scrambled to find a better line to no avail. All 24 registers were full, or slower. I want to suggest to corporate to install a "competent lane" instead of an express lane.

When I finally got there I wanted to show everyone how to be efficient. I placed my item on the counter and was two inches from scanning the thing for him. I shoved my card into the credit card reader and it rejected it! The cashier told me to go slowly and added some advice.

"You know if you force a dog or cat to eat, they will put a fight!"

Who says that kind of stuff?!

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Disney Makes me Feel Dirty

Miley Cyrus from Disney channel is a tween.

Her concert tickets make moms do crazy things!
I made a playlist dedicated to those people who are no longer children, but not yet teens and the hot music that makes me feel guilty.

Other playlists under the MUSIC label.

And from Chris J: http://profile.imeem.com/s6fsMuB/music/wBWUceOt/ryon_lovette_equation_prodby_soundz/

Haha, it's Calculus!

What's On My Mind

Strong

Life's been okay. I realize that emotions are complicated. I realize that people who seem mature and strong aren't better off than anyone else. They just have a different way of approaching life that is seemingly more appealing. And they are constantly playing a game with you; throwing out signs, hoping you can read them. Suppress.. suppress... release. Outlets other than expressing emotions are used because who wants to deal with feelings? Work out, paint, self mutilation... eat. Suppress.

I laugh.

The most inspiring people are probably suppressing a lot of inner turmoil. It's a suppression that's enough that gives them that umph to excel in other things; allows them to be creative and motivated. The only way to resolve hurt is to be awesome.

I want to be strong, I'm trying to be mature... but in the end I'm still sensitive and at times I need someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay. Vulnerable. Heh.

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=7335241
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Hooking Up. Love.

Am I dating anyone right now? Nope.
Do I wish I were? I'm not really looking. And it's funny because out of everyone I know. (Wow so popular). I'm only interested in dating one person... but he's like 12... and haven't really spent much time with him. Oh and everyone else is straight.... darn. But those kids are just objects of my desire o.0. JK. ... ... ..... ..!

My main objective is to be friendly, flirtatious. For what? For fun.
And then what? *blank stare*

Have I been hooking up? No.
Do I want to? Not with gay people. Cuz that involves emotion... if not emotion then dangerous fluids.

I was talking to my friend who gradated from Cal. He told me that he made SO many regrets, I'm thankful I kept my regrets to a minimum. Woot.

Love is Retarded. Non Mutual Love is Retarded and on Crack. Maybe that's why a lot gay people have given up on pursuing love. Wouldn't it be nice to be loved by someone you love. Or even better love someone who loves you back? Wouldn't that be just a perfect world?!? OR OR OR wouldn't it be better if there is NO LOVE just fuck friends and shopping. Oh wait, that's how a lot of gays work anyway!

I have loved and not have it returned. I have been loved and couldn't love them back. That's a lot of suffering if you ask me.

I think I need a vacation from myself. Be someone else who loves and is loved (by the same person!) Or someone who isn't concerned with love at all; just Hip hop dancing... yeah. Boots with the fur...

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Blog Obsession
I've been posting my blog on multiple blog search engines and I think I'm sort of regretting it.

Last night I submitted my site to Best Male Blog. This morning I checked my stats and got 30 hits from that site reference alone from Thailand to the Netherlands. And MAYBE I don't want people to look into my life that much. I do post a lot of personal images.

I mean, it's cool to have people care and read about your life, but from Best Male Blog, a lot of the readers were probably searching for homosexual exotic Asian images or something and unfortunately clicked on my boring link.

Do I want to be an object of gay Asian excitement to strangers from all over the world. After all, we "orientals are so cute!"

Heh, whatever. I'll leave it on for now and change the description to: The Life of Letopho. Not Submissive Asian Fetish Porn. Thank You.
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GIF from Mission Peak Hike in October 2007