Hooking Up on Adam4Adam

Adam4Adam (a4a) is a gay hook up site.

I have a profile on there.

Why? I don't know.... but I do get excited when I get a message, only to find that it's from a 40 year old+ bearded over weight predator in search of a twinky oriental boy to be his passive servant. *Shudders*

I found 9 of my friends on the site and I added them to my friends list as if I was on mYspace. Is that strange of me? My friends are very tasteful... and I learned a little bit more about their... penis size. Anyway... am I supposed to be discrete about this shit?

This random guy my age IMs me and we make conversation. He asks me if I wanted to hookup and I go, "um no I've never done that before off a4a.. have you?"

To this he responds, "would you believe me if I said no." Eventually he fesses up and says that he has and I inquire what's it like.

He is confused.

"Is it awkward? What do you do when you get to their house... do they offer you water?" He starts responding as if I am mocking him. "I'm serious, what's it like?"

"What do you think it's like? You've hooked up after parties... is that awkward?"

"Well, no, Im drunk and it's usually not planned... and that was a long time ago."

"Well... Im not that open about my sex life" I thought this was an ironic response as he was chatting with someone he met off a hook up site and SEX is the expected hot topic.

I had so many questions: What if they don't look like the picture? Have you ever been scared? What was the worse thing that happened?

Hooking up with friends after a party, friends of friends after a club... or with someone new after a couple of dates is not alien to me. Meeting up with internet strangers for coffee or a burger in a safe public space is also no horror story. But hooking up off the internet, cutting out the "BS" of dating, meeting and greeting, using the lines: "so do you wanna hook up? when do you want to meet up?" That's like asking me to define football terms. OMG. How risky... and to the point!! You have to be really brave or really trusting to do this.

But I guess it's like making out/rubbing up at the clubs right? As long as it's dark enough and you hide before the ugly lights turn on in which your friends judge you and you judge yourself. You're okay because you got your immediate gratification. Gays are so impatient and unregretful.

Am I a prude because I'd rather have tea and coffee with you before I have tea and coffee your penis?

Troubled - Flow of Thoughts... Pardon Me.

This week I've been having trouble sleeping.
I find myself doing Sudoku or learning vocabulary before I can drift off when usually it takes me nothing at all. BTW, I really hate it when I mess up Sudoku. How do you even fix that?!

My dreams are conflicted.
Yelling at my dad, being jealous, getting lost, traveling, hungry. I close my eyes to dream of something better, but dreams during the mornings are usually worse... and my rapid eye movement quickens.

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Michelle suggested that I go on a couple of dates so that I have something to write about since lately I have been dry. I haven't been thinking... i have discovered: nihilism.

And it shows in my sloppy appearance. What's happening to me?

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I feel tragic: the cut on my nose is the cherry to top my scarred body. I am undesirable. But who am I to complain? I am not a burn victim.

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I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I guess people used to make me feel happy, but in a way, I feel abandoned. And the venture to meet new people that cared for me just the same I would consider a major fail.

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It is HARD to meet new people.

So if I were to get up and leave right now. It would be okay, but where?

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During Watchmen, I wanted to yell, "AWW SHIT, HE's GOING CHRIS BROWN ON HER ASS!" When the Comedian was beating up on a female superhero. Cuz if you're going to shout in the theatre, you have to sound ghetto. I know everyone was thinkin' it. But.. it's too soon?

==

I enjoy a fellow blogger's video on insecurities.



Stripped and vulnerable. But pleasantly attractive, not just cuz I think he's cute, but because I know more about him than a lot of my friends I interact with on a regular basis.

I think that's so attractive. I think insecurities make you human. I hate cockiness, narcissism. Hide your insecurities to strangers, yes. But don't be afraid to reveal yourself to the right people. I think I hide my insecurities very well (at least to those who don't read my blog), but I wouldn't mind sharing them with someone who cared... with someone who asked.

I think that I love insecure boys who aren't afraid to share what they are hiding. I feel like they they don't mind letting you get close to them; in a way I find them stronger than confident boys who burying their insecurities so deep that their attractiveness only exists superficially: looks, intelligence, success. And it takes consistent prying to find out who they really are- good or bad.

I wrote about this before, but he put it in better words.. in his underwear.

Distracting Blue Penis

Watchmen.

It was too long. Fight scenes were great, blue penis swaying in the wind was VERY DISTRACTING.

One of the watchmen shoots a pregnant Vietnamese women.

I felt like I was watching three different movies because the movie was all over the place (which usually happens when you have more than one superhero/villain)

And a sex scene that was basically porn... sort of uncomfortable in the 2 hour and 45 minute movie.

Don't waste your money folks.

Last Night...

I ran into a door, now I have a cut on my nose.

Who does that?

Sexy Car Wash Take II

Antony suggest I used better matching music like Ciara's Work

I think this is actually much more entertaining:

Please subscribe! LOL!
Watch it before copyright takes it down. I tagged it as Ciara's Official Music Video!

Sexy Car Wash

I spent some time putting this together.
SO WATCH IT.



:D

February Recap

Ugh. This month without Szeto has been rainy and nasty.

I haven't been very inspired this month... and equally, I haven't been doing much.
I feel as though I am quite bored with everything right now and I'm just wasting away being so unmotivated.

Feb 1. Szeto takes the opportunity to work abroad, that lucky bitch.



Feb. 6. Madeline in town. We catch up and she gives me some of her CHEESE BUNS! YUMMY!
Such a tradition!


Feb. 14 Weekend in San Diego.
Woot

I love this idea: You bring your friends and I bring my friends and we can all be friends... and sing karaoke. Yes, and we're all gay. Perfect.

Feb.19 - Visited Berkeley

I crashed with JV. The next day I gave him a call, "I have shingles, burn your sheets." Oops. And I LOVE Christine's hair. She lets others cut her hair because she feels it's very intimate. She loves her co-op because they are so touchy-feely. I am a touchy person as well. I feel like the human touch is very valuable should not be so reserved.

Feb. 21 - Clam Chowder Cookoff in Santa Cruz!!! :D I loved it! For 8 bucks we got to sample and rate clam chowders. You really get to appreciate what "good" food is when you are allowed to compare side by side. To me, great clam chowder is creamy!




...

And then I got shingles.

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I hung out with this random guy I met on the web. (Cuz I'm gay and that's how gay people stereotypically make friends.) We met up at inNout for a snack. This guy was so self conscious about his acne. (Though it was very severe). He told me that he was afraid that I would stop talking to him because his acne was "so scary."

No... I wouldn't stop talking to him because of his acne. I would stop talking to him because he was a fob. (jk). I told him that he shouldn't even deal with people who can't look passed his skin problems. I felt for the guy because I too am self conscious about my skin...

But for people who never had to deal with skin problems they really can't understand the insecurities; they poke fun without realizing how much it really damages someone.

He seemed to appreciate my understanding. And I found him to be more attractive than a lot of gay bitches who are so full of themselves, so in love with themselves... their "confidence" that proves to be cover for unknown insecurities is so much uglier than someone who can't hide from severe acne.

I feel like when I know about someone's insecurity, I know who they actually are. HmmMmm.