Soul Searching

Next to Joe's bed is a 10 gallon water cooler jug filled 1/20 the way with coins. "Whatchu saving up for Joe?" "A house!" He responded. He wasn't kidding, he plans to making that investment in his 20s.

Yesterday, I bought some yogurt with Smyr (who loves Taro, weird) and I was given change. Later in the day, I got an Italian Soda and to my surprise the change from the yogurt was the exact change for the Italian Soda: 64cents.

I love shit like that.
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I went out of the way to get cheap gas. To my horror, the tank did not last. I calculated 14 miles a gallon on that tank! ARE THEY DILUTING THE GAS?!!

Yesterday I filled my tank: $70

I hate shit like that.
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D.U.I. Class Was Interesting

The theme was "Communication."

What I like about the class is a lot of psychology/sociology basics are covered, I guess, in hopes that we psycho-analyze ourselves and adjust our behavior and become better citizens (who don't break the law)

We reviewed the roles that are assigned to children in the dysfunctional home and then moved on to communication.

"What you say is just a footnote of what you communicate." Of course, this is just another way of saying that "actions speak louder than words."

We spent the majority of the class discussing styles of communication as opposed to watching a video on cholesterol (thank goodness).

And I examined my communication behavior. I concluded that I'm aggressive. I dominate conversations because I'm looking out for "ME." I talk a lot and test people. Initially, I thought I was passive; I accommodate because I'm afraid of rejection. But I'm NOT afraid of rejection. I am afraid of getting hurt.

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I asked a boy from DUI class to dinner. I knew him from before and we headed to Japantown. I thought he was cute and tried to send signals while trying to read signals. After dinner, it felt like he was uninterested. You can just tell. And we split the bill down the center. I also felt like I've lost my game. But what was I initially after?

During our conversation, I examined him. His voice was cute, he has some goals... but as a person, can I imagine myself with him? How about, can I imagine myself sleeping with him?

No and yes. And I examined myself: How desperate.

After the ordeal, I called Joe. By the time Joe called me back I had already gotten over it.
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I feel as though I am not as confidence as I used to be. But I haven't lost optimism. Darnell (my blog's biggest fan) pointed that out to me. "How do you stay so positive?" Because that's important to me.
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You guys may be wondering what I'm doing with my life right now.
My answer is Soul Searching.. and hunting giraffes.

Life is Passing Me By

4 Weeks since getting laid off
2 Weeks since getting arrested

Days have been flying by and I'm starting to panic because I feel like LIFE is passing me by. Mony told me that people who are BUMS are unattractive. He said that it doesn't matter if you're hot, if you aren't doing anything with your life then there's NO point in trying to date you. I started to stress. I felt further undesirable!

These pass weeks have been interesting... and the stories have been piling up.

June 1-7: Learning about the Law
I ended up hiring the "good guy." But I'm worried, because after he got my money, he has been less responsive to my calls. My mom told me that I may have hired a crook. I know it's worse than that, I hired a LAWYER!

In my calendar I marked "One Year Since Really Bad Skin." To my depression, my skin in one week shifted back to it's original state one year ago. I'm talking about a HUGE break out that I haven't seen since last year in June. It made me wonder if it was because "every JUNE i have bad skin" or it was because of all this stress and my face fell victim. Purely frustrating, in a matter of ONE week, I was back to where I started. And my once awesome regime is now subject to question... it doesn't matter that I'm taking the right pill, or using the right creme; if Im stressed OR if it's June... I will break out regardless.. BAH

June 8-11: Emotional Recovery
Everyday I went swimming for half an hour then lift weights.
I get home and walk around shirtless after a quick shower. Heh he. I should keep this up.

June 10: DUI School
Every week there's a cheesy title. This week was the "family system." I learned how alcohol can affect the family structure. I learned about the punnet square of alcoholism in genetics. I watch a video about finding the source of addition through adolescent trauma.

Interesting. The teacher was passionate, so I was glad. And the class itself was made of 10 white people, 9 Asians, 8 Latinos and 1 Black person.... and one cute boy. Cough* To my luck, I ran into a friend there. LoL. Yay! And two hours of DUI class, didn't seem SO bad.

June 12: Downtown... already?
I've been hanging with my friend's EX, Anthony. We click very well. It felt like a date only because the conversation was so fluid and there were no awkward moments, but rather a lot of feel good moments. But of course, I wouldn't date the guy anyway because he's my friend's EX.

I met this girl Ada at my birthday. I fell in love with her the minute I met her and if I were straight, I would date her. She invited me and Anthony to Motif downtown which sucked according to them because the music was so bad. Even though it was too soon be going out to downtown again, I figured that I needed to remind myself how to interact with straight people and I wasn't planning on drinking PERIOD! This is my adventure in summary:

1. Can't find Passport (My ID was confiscated by SJPD)
2. Drove to Downtown to meet Mony hoping that I left it in his car (it wasn't)
3. Drove back home to search my house again. Passport was under the passenger seat the entire time.
4. Drive back downtown, parked and got a call from Ada, "we are in front of the line! HURRY!"
5. Run to Motif, handed passport to bouncer. Bouncer explained, "I can't accept this, it's easy to fake, and there is no description." GAH!

It's official. God hates me. I am being punished with every breath I take.

I figured that he wasn't bending the rules because it was already a meat factory up in Motif and I was an easy number to turn down. Anthony and I checked out SJ Bar and Grill, Koji Sake Lounge and Dive Bar (it was 80's night!). We managed to have a great time anyway, just talking about life. And I met up with Ada's group after at LaVics. Good times.

June 13: The WORST Movie Ever and June Dragon
I missed May Dragon and Joe convinced me to go, plus it was a friend's birthday. After watching The Happening which I highly recommend because it was SO bad that the audience booed, we headed to the City. There was nothing new. Dragon was Dragon. Though there was this shirtless train wreck 50 year old go-go dancer wearing bad hot pants that made me embarrassed of being gay and Asian.

I talked to a friend from Berkeley who told me a lot of personal things. "To be honest with you... the sex is horrible...we are BOTH bottoms. But that doesn't matter because I LOVE him! We've been dating for 2 YEARS! If it were up to me, I WANT him to go fuck around, I WANT him to have good SEX! It's JUST SEX! What we have is MORE than SEX." What he was saying resonated in my head. I wish that others were capable of being so honest.

I tried to dance with a couple of new people. Try to be more aggressive (like I wasn't already). But it felt awkward. Maybe because I was sober... but for some reason, I felt unwanted. Eh, I didn't let that bother me... at least I was out and about.

I talked to the birthday boy and he was oddly comforting in his drunken state. "How are you doing Chris... no really HOW are you doing?" I felt that he was being sincere and confided in him a little. "Chris... you deserve a lot better." His words echoed in my head and continued his response, "Im sorry... I was in a weak state." I forgave the birthday boy for what happened a long while back... like I forgave half the community for its definition. Because, we all find ourselves "in a weak state" and we hurt each other... endlessly. I realized this the next day.

"You know, your friend is so cute.. I just want to take care of him." I knew for a fact that my friend didn't have feelings for the birthday boy... but was it my place to tell him? I made it my place, "actually, he only thinks of you as a friend." "Oh... thanks for telling me, I won't waste my time." He was crushed. I kissed him on the cheek and walked away.

Why did I do that? I justified my actions: because I was looking out for my friend; it was what my friend wanted me to do. I concluded with further analysis the real reason: because the birthday boy hurt me in the past. So I felt justified to lightly jab at his heart. This of course was subconscious and only realized after the fact. Like Mean Girls, Mean Gays are so mean to each other.



(Notice MoAny's Fuck-Me Face in the picture on the right.)

The next day was my long awaited Safari Adventure! That deserves it's OWN blog entry!


Protect Every Kiss:

Hot Mess

A couple of people told me that they read my blog... and they said, "yeah.. and you post pictures of your hair or something!!"

Haha, I guess that's all yall care about! So back by popular demand is another Hairchive!

The Hot Mess (in 6 Parts):

The Windy Comb Over:

The Mohawk turned Mullet:

The Laid Off:

The Subtle Faux Hawk:

Equiped with Szeto's thinning sheers and buzzer, MoAny undid the mullet last weekend. The puckered lips are for effect. (The thing attached to my camera is Szeto's tripod he gave me for Christmas :))

The Shirt Spoke to Me

Yesterday at the mall I walked into Banana Republic.

I immediately gravitated to a button up shirt that had orange, brown and yellow stripes. The shirt in front of me was the perfect size and when I put it on I felt like a million bucks.

I looked at the price tag: $69.00. That would make it the most expensive shirt that I own. I looked at Mony for advice. "Don't get it." "But I like it." "Then get it, done."

I was only mildly hesitant and examined the shirt. I found a loose thread. If I'm going to drop 70 bucks, it has to be perfect. I went to find another shirt, but the one in my hand was the LAST small.

I went to the register to pay. "$54." I was confused.
"Hey guys! It was 20 bucks off!" Apparently there was a sale...

it was meant to be.

(Trying out the goatee look.. and I still have a subtle faux hawk)
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It's rare that I find clothes that I see and immediately like.

I realize that I go through phases

Tie Phase- Back in high school... I have like 30 ties, most of which are hideous
Bermuda Shorts Phase- They are SO ugly, I must have them
Board Shorts Phase- I have a full rainbow (minus orange, and my green went missing)
Cool Socks Phase- Why neglect my feet? And Szeto impresses me with his footwear
White Jeans Phase- Jackie Chan can pull it off, why not me?
Basket Ball Shorts Phase- I like looking sporty.

I realize though, that I'm impressionable when it comes to clothes. If someone says it looks good on me, I'll buy it (if the price is right). My cousin got me a shirt from H&M that she loves. ALL my boys thought I looked like a hot tranny mess. I bought a shirt that TonyIDM liked... and no one else really liked it either. Hmm, and I was starting to believe that I have NO taste is clothes what so ever... besides the clothes from Middle school that I still wear. But this Banana Republic Shirt proves otherwise.

I feel sexy in it.

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Below are my favorite articles of clothes.
Shorts from Target.
The Shirt from Banana
Shorts from Aeropostle (I wore them out so much there are holes in the ass = x)
Tshirt from Vietnam

Amazing

My favorite minority couple:



Conviction in movement.
Chemistry, emotion... perfection.

Strong, solid. Beautiful.

This girl made ma cry a little.
She's so pure:

Tila Tequila Makes My Life Easy

My mom asked me to pick up my 16 year old brother from school. Then she told me about the argument she had with him last night regarding the show, "A Shot At Love" with Tila Tequila. Before she could elaborate she had to go.

I picked up my little brother.

"So I heard you had an argument with mom and dad last night. What happened?"
"... well Mom doesn't want me to watch the show 'a shot at love.'"
"right... well, it's really sexual"
"Yeah... I think dad has something against gay people."
"why do you say that?"
"cuz.. he said he didn't want me to watch girls kissing girls or guys kissing guys. And I asked what about girls kissing guys... and he said that's fine."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah. I was like, 'are you worried I may be gay?"
"And what did dad say?"
"I told him that I know I'm straight and this show doesn't affect me..."
"Well.. I dunno, TV shows always affect people."
"Even IF i was gay.. that would be okay, you know?"

"Um... I think that he's concerned because, I'm gay..."
"you are.. "
"yeah"
"oh.. I sort of knew"
"Yeah.. well, I'm obvious"
"But... no, it's cool!"
"yeah.. well dad doesn't know, well, I'm sure he knows, but I haven't told him to confirm anything. You know? He would cry for days. So that's why he's just worried about this show."

Heh. That was easy. Thanks Tila for helping me come out to my brother.

Tila is so useful:


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Regarding the argument that I was not able to participate in.
My brother told me that Mom got all up in his face. He reasoned that it was because he was rude. I told him that these types of arguments you can't win. So why even talk back and dig yourself a "crater" (as he put it).

Then he told me the ridiculous things that my mom and dad told him:
-He can't watch anyone who's over 21
-TV should be for educational purposes

This is ridiculous because my parents diliberately put the big screen TV in his room... WHAT do they expect?!

RIDICULOUS!

YAY! 23!

The following video is dedicated to everyone who made my birthday something to remember; Especially California Highway Patrol.