Monday, September 1, 2008

Question: What Do Gay People Do on Sunday Night?

Dance shirtless to bad techno music while rubbing up on people they don't know.

Specifically at this Club called FRESH at Ruby Skye in the city.

With cover at $27 and closing at midnight on a Sunday, I was skeptical ... but it's one of those try-it-once thing.


Body Worship
This place was a live stereotype. I was informed that tickets were presold at Gold's Gym in the Castro. Once again, brilliant marketing. Gym bunnies and body worshipers filled the club despite its price, time and day.If I were to take a straight person gay clubbing... this is the place to take them so that their fears and preconceived notions about what "GAY-Clubbing" is can come true. Man on man, rubbing muscles and walls bleeding with un-apologizing sex. Maybe that's why I don't have any more straight guy friends.

The Non-Dragon Asian guys that were there were hot, everyone was buff or in decent condition. Before heading to the club, Z, Moan and Joe went on an adventure to find a 24 hour fitness to quickly bulk up before we got eaten and spit out at Fresh. Bench, Curls and weighted crunches. It was a game to fulfill gay stereotypes, it was fun. Still scrawny with a tummy, but more confident- I'm READY!

The place was packed, the walls sweating with body heat (not so 'Fresh'). The stuffy atmosphere screamed, "STRIP OFF YOUR SHIRT!" Or was that the echos from the 400 already nude strangers that surrounded me?

Within a couple of hours, I took off my shirt. =X
It felt appropriate. It's like being at a pool party... sort of.

When I'm really drunk, I appreciate gay music because I can't hear it.
After two shots of Patron (ooo, that hit me hard) the predictable music (music that's not played on the radio, music that no one downloads, music that people can't distinguish one song from the other) started to blend away. NO ONE DANCED. They just shook their shoulders back and forth EYE fucking each other. Seriously, like.. there was so much EYE fucking that I could feel the chafing.

I got into it. Me and my BOyz added our hip hop moves and those rhythm-less gays were impressed. Yeah, there is more to dancing that just one two step. Variety people!

More alcohol please, the drinks were weak and over priced. What really pissed me off was an LC that was literally a sip as opposed to a shot.

I ran into a guy from my DUI class! HAHAH

I saw a guy by himself and started to talk to him.
"are you by yourself?"
"yeah, my friends went home"
"aww, then why are you still here?"
"i dunno, I like it here."
"cool... well, if you see me, let's dance.."
"by the way, how old are you?"

OMG OMG OMG WHY! Then I looked around at the faces at Fresh. I was too distracted by pecs and abs that I didn't realize that EVERYONE WAS at LEAST 30!!!!!!!! That's why they come here... cuz they can afford it and because they didn't have wives to go back to. For gay people... the party doesn't stop at 30... it just starts and doesn't end until they die. No one was thinking about work the next day.

Patron Talking
I was obnoxious, waving my arms around like a flag in the wind and knocked someones drink over.

"OMG! I'm SO SORRY!" He was a little sad
"let me buy you that drink.. what was it?"
"Vodka Red bull." He was a cute white guy...

He told me was visiting from Boston. I asked him what he did and he said he was a prostitute... and I was like. O. Then he smiled and said... just kidding, I'm a hair stylist. Cool. This time, I didn't ask for his age, I didn't want to know. I ditched him when he had to go to the bathroom. Oh well.

There were about 5 girls there and I told each one that I thought they were hot. "What are you doing here?" The girl responded, "hanging out with you!!!"
I was broke and amused.
I touch some strangers' tummy's. I think the whole dancing shirtless is an interesting experience that everyone should try.

When 11:50 rolled around we bounced and I wandered Union Square because I was nauseous. I gave a dollar to a street performer and I took deep breathes. I looked up at the tall buildings and returned to the car while my friends were in a diner.

The car was left unlocked and the lights were on. But nothing was taken. We were lucky bastards.
My notion of Sundays has completely changed.
On Sunday nights, gays put Jesus aside and worship MAN, Muscle and Ass grabbing.


mich said...

but it was a special sunday! labor day weekend.

Stanza said...

You seem to be using techno as a generalisation of anything that resembles club music and electronic dance music. I’m sorry to say this but this is most common for people who don’t really have much of an idea on edm in general . I doubt that you would of heard what real edm sounds like..

I’m not sure about the party that you went to which seems to be playing music that deserves its place at the bottom of the barrel, but Ruby Skye is well known for holding quality events that are frequented by many top international dj’s.

I have downloaded a shitload of livesets from events held at this place and they have been nothing short of spectacular. There was party on Saturday that had one my favourite DJ’s playing and I would been there if it wasn’t for the fact that I had to start my new job :(