Wednesday, July 15, 2015

My Coming Out Story - Fourth of July Weekend

I planned a pretty elaborate weekend for my parents.  I had to, I guilt tripped them to visit me in Los Angeles so I'd better have something good prepared.  And it all just worked out that I suddenly felt the need to come out...in person.  This is how the weekend went.

FRIDAY

Echo Park Lake
My parents took the Vietnamese bus which turned out to be a bumpy ride for them.  Good thing there was a free Banh Mi.  I found them at the Chinatown metro stop where they told me that every Viet person calls So Cal, Los Angeles.  When they said they wanted to get off in LA the driver asked back, which part?  LA Chinatown or LA Westminster?  Westminster is in Orange County.

My parents arrived at 3PM so I took them to a park for a snack and a stroll.




I wanted to show them my neighborhood and despite how run down my house is, I live in a pretty nice community.


We had time to kill so I took my parents to the Charmed House.  Oddly, Charmed was one of my dad's favorite shows.  He was pretty excited to see it and the rest of Carroll Avenue.


I checked my parent into their AirBnB where they were greeted by an artist.  A yoga instructor - fire dancer host who paints and gardens and has a very tastefully decorated apartment.  My dad played a fews songs for him and the host said that he has been inspired to pick up playing the piano again.  The funny part is that the host lives with his partner.  It just happened to be that the nicest most affordable place near my house along the 101 was owned by gays.

Griffith Observatory
It's not a trip to LA without traffic.  It was a bit of a challenge getting up the mountain with a concert happening at the Greek Theater, but we made it.   I was getting pretty frustrated because the last time my parents visited we couldn't find parking, this time we struggled with parking AND someone pulled the fire alarm.


We waited patiently observing the sunsetting sky for patrons to be let back in.


We got i after waiting 20 minutes!  We took some nice shots of the city which everyone has seen before.  We also watched a video on how the observatory was built which was pretty compelling to my dad who originally wanted to be an architect when he was a teenager.

Ruen Pair

For dinner I took them to my favorite Thai restaurant in Thai Town.  They were impressed - nothing like the Thai food they were used to.  Duck, Noodles, Fried Fish, Meat dish that tasted like papya salad.  There were NO leftovers!

And I dropped them off for the evening.


SATURDAY

Portos
I was really stressed out about how I was going to get to the Westside, but it worked out that there was no freeway traffic that day.  Took them to Porto's in Burbank where we over-ordered, but we took the left overs for lunch.





The Getty left
I was worried that I didn't have enough things for my parents to do, but as it turns out my mom and dad loved the Getty so much that we stayed until 4PM.  The Getty was also pretty empty while we were there.




My parents were examining every art piece.  Some of my dad's favorite artists had their work up.  Golly it took a while to go through the collection.


My parents got security nervous taking this picture.  Almost fell on the statue.


There was a family area where they allowed people to draw.  My dad was so excited, my mom and I left him for 20 minutes so that he could have personal time.



The staff as so impressed that they pinned my dad's art piece on the wall.  My dad hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and told me that it was one of his dreams to paint in a museum.  He was so happy.  I didn't even know that was on his bucket list.




The gardens of course.  A treat for my mom who loved the lavender.

Coming Out
The original plan was to tell my parents at the Hollywood Bowl.  I joked with my friends that I would time it with Fourth of July Fireworks, but Andrew advised against all of that even if I was joking.  He said they would have questions, it should be done in private and I'm thankful that I talked to him because I basically fell a part when I told them.

I was laying down in the fetal position while Netflix was playing a zombie movie after we came home from the Getty left.  My dad was rearranging the luggage while my mom sat next to me on the bed.  When there was a break in the conversation; I spoke up.

"Are you guys having fun?"
"YES! Of course!  We're glad we're here to see you."
"I'm really glad you're here too.. because... I'm 30 now and I love you very much.. and I just wanted to say..."

And I started crying.  My mom responded, "i know what you're going to say."

And as if I was speaking a foreign language I struggled with the words and said it quickly "I'm gay."   My dad held me and started to cry... "I love you so much Christopher."  They told me they knew, aunts and uncles knew and that they just didn't know how to bring it up and just waited for me.  They said that a lot of pressure has also been released from their bodies and that they are happy with me and love me no matter what.

And my mom said she would like to learn and understand, but she was still confused about gender roles and sexuality.  She said that her friend had a trans-son and I explained that's a different situation.

My mom told me that if I do marry Jimmy that she only asks him to take care of her... because that's what a daughter in-law would traditionally do.  Oh dear.  That's a lot of pressure.


Here we are right after - I'm crying more than either of them... and I recorded the who thing on the Voice Recorder App, but I don't want to listen to it.. I'm too embarrassed.  Maybe one day.  With that we're on our way to the next adventure.  Everyone feeling relieved and thankful.

I'm pretty lucky to have such understanding parents.  I can't say that enough.

Hollywood Bowl
I put together a picnic basket full of random finger foods from Trader Joes for our dinner before the show.  We found a table at my hidden area and enjoyed the random meal of pate and grapes, crackers and bread.




My mom wanted a Corona.


Just kidding, she wanted the wine too.


Perfect seats!  Hollywood sign was in view and Smokey Robinson killed it.  My parents were in shock at how many people were there.


The fireworks show was spectacular and meant a lot more this time around because it represented freedom from being silent.  Freedom to be who I am without fear.  And of course freedom to marry.

I talk to my parents once a week on the phone while in traffic. It's amazing how we've able to "not talk about it" for so long, but now with the elephant in the room deflated, they can ask me about my boyfriend and about my romantic future.


While looking for a Lyft home, my dad took a picture with this street musician sitting the a tunnel near the Bowl.  My dad loves taking pictures with street musicians.


SUNDAY

Grand Central Market / Bradbury Building
We had just enough time to stop by the Grand Central Market where my mom got really excited about cheap produce.  She bought 4 boxes of cherries and 4 boxes of other berries to bring to San Jose.  Jimmy joined us for breakfast and they got to know him a little more as my boyfriend.



My mom asking Jimmy which one is the girl in the relationship. 


In between attractions, my parents went looking for a bathroom.  At this moment I really understood what it meant to be my parent's son.  Because I use the bathroom everyone and anywhere I go!

We made it in time to catch their bus.  They saw a short woman collecting money.  "WHERE YOU GOING? SAN JOSE!?  $40!! GET ON!"

This must be it!  My mom got in and my dad yelled at her in Vietnamese.  "Say bye to your son!" They hugged me good bye and they were off to NorCal.




For me it's important that people I love visit me as much as I visit them.  I want to welcome my home and my space especially to family.  And I couldn't have imagined a more perfect weekend with my parents.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

LoveWins


I've decided that it's time to tell my dad that I'm gay.  I announced this decision on Facebook and received so much support especially from my older cousins; maybe because I expressed how difficult it felt to do.  I could hear Joe in my head saying, what have you been waiting for?  The answer is that it just never felt right... until now.

Right at this moment, the spirit of love has finally overshadowed all the wrong in the world currently. That right now people are celebrating, people are happy, people are TALKING about gay rights.    People are thinking... "oh maybe this is a good thing."  Right now feels just right.

I just turned 30.  I can get married.  And I don't want to continue to be silent anymore about such a large piece of my life.  I'm not scared of my dad disowning me.  The other day we got into a small argument and resolved it by saying that that we love each other unconditionally.

I was jealous of my lesbian coworker whose mom called her when she heard the news about gay marriage.  I wanted that call...  I was hoping for a call, but my dad liking the new profile picture of me holding a rainbow flag is the best I could ask for.  And it's a perfect starting point.

It's time to put it into words, but how do you say it?  How do you stop from crying?  How do you say, "dad, I'm gay... I know you love me regardless, but this is who I am and one day I'll be okay not being the son that I think you want me to be."

So this is how it's going to happen - My parents are coming to Los Angeles this 4th of July weekend to visit me after I gave them a guilt trip.  I'm putting them in an AirBnB and picked the restaurants.  I bought tickets to a fireworks show at Hollywood Bowl and in between acts I will say, "Dad... I noticed that you liked my profile picture... I'm going to get married one day and I hope you're okay with that."

And... then who knows what he'll say, but I hope that the warm LA night and light from the fireworks will help make this moment feel positive... because it is.

I told my coworker my plan and she started tearing up.  I was surprised that she was so empathetic.  How is it possibly for a straight person to understand the emotions of coming out to their parents.  But then I realize that people are willing to listen, understand and support their LGBT friends and family.  And because of this we're not alone anymore because we have visibility.

Dad, I'm here.  I'm Queer.  And you already know that...  but now we can talk about it.

Desert Adventure

It only took an hour and a half to get to Palm Springs which makes me wonder why we don't go more often.  Something about that desert heat that's so relaxing.

I was excited to use my car because I changed the wind shield wipers and got an oil change.  It was time to use the car that's been so reliable to me.

Before heading out we grabbed a banh mi from Banh Mi Che Cali for breakfast.  On the way to the freeway I thought I tossed my sunglasses in the garbage and made Charles and Phil fish it out of the trash.  They passed the test of friendship and I passed the test of idiocy when I pulled them out of my pant pocket.  Oops.

First stop, Bombay Beach.  A post apocalyptic town of 300 sitting next to the Salton Sea which was essentially sitting water with rotting fish and sulfur.




There was also a piano that could be found on the beach sludge, but it disappeared before we could find it.  Check out this erie video:

A video posted by @yanntiersen on


Next 30 minutes from Bombay Beach was Salvation Mountain.  A structure built from adobe and paint sits randomly in the desert.


I thought the view from the top back was the most interesting because you could see how it was made and how fragile it is.  I wanted to pose with the rainbow flag, but it took away from the colors of the mountain.


We forgot to pack water.  Which is quite dangerous.  Made taking pictures really difficult because we were so uncomfortable.  Thankfully there was a convenient store at the corning of the town near by.


We decided to be frugal on the trip and split a Travelodge among the four of us.  They had a pool, not bad.


That evening we went out to Hunters to celebrate love and it was surprisingly happening.  Four rounds of drinks later and I was happy.



The next day we explored Joshua Tree which was a familiar place since I've been there twice before.


Took some pictures for Jimmy's "Shirtless in National Parks" photo series


Looks at these two creatives.


We conquered it all!  Key's View is wonderful.

Friday, May 29, 2015

Is There a Particular Cake?

My manager asked me today about where I see myself... career-wise.  I told her that my new multi-million dollar accounts that I've acquired present enough of a challenge that I feel engaged in the job and I'm happy with where I am now.  Though with layoffs and friends quitting, the company really wasn't as great as it used to be.  I couldn't answer her; I don't know what my future looks like.  I don't know what the next steps are career wise or even personal.


I'm 30 in a few days and I guess the main question is am I happy with who I am?

Maybe not.  But that's expected, we're not perfect.  

I find myself petty.  
I find myself selfish.
I find myself obnoxious.

And I can tell that Jimmy struggles with trying to handle me.  Handle my energy and expectations.  The other night he told me that he felt guilty for not giving me the attention that I was pining for.  So I just apologized, told him not to feel guilty and left the bedroom because I didn't know what else to do.  He came to the living room and gave me the warmest hug and told me to come back up.

This is a portrait that Jimmy took of me early this month before I cut off 3 inches on the top.  The hair wave is cool, but it was getting heavy and wild and I'm glad Jimmy captured it in a photo.  He captures and remembers everything positive and negative about life, about me.

20 minutes ago Jimmy caught me chatting with someone about not trusting him to get my birthday cake in time.  I was mortified that he saw it. My body got hot.   He was hurt that I felt that way.  And though I explained why.. that I would have ordered the cake a week ago and that I was worried ... it didn't stop him from feeling shitty.  So we're just sitting here in silence while he downloads songs for my party this weekend and I get pensive about what just happened.

I feel selfish.  Selfish for not being able to appreciate him and trust him to do things for me just because he does them differently.  It must be really difficult to date someone who's so particular about random things.... like ordering cake.

One year I told my parents that I wanted a strawberry birthday cake, but they got me a rectangular cake with other fruits... I remember being really upset.  I think I was... 11.  Wow.

I'm thinking about other things that I'm particular about.  One year Jimmy bought me a Moleskine for Christmas and it was the Peanuts edition.  I couldn't just appreciate it because it was not the plain design that I liked.  But I used it any way because it was from him.  But not before inadvertently making him feel bad about it.

And it's painfully ironic because I take pride in being easy going and low maintenance... but birthday cake and moleskine are two things I'm very particular about.... and music at night clubs, haircuts, wasted food, driving to certain places.  Oh gawd....

I'm turning 30 and I could be happier with who I am, but for now I'm just trying to understand who I am and being completely self aware.  I'm quite lucky to have someone who puts up with me... I'm going to go give him a hug now and tell him I'm sorry again...but that's hard to do because he's particular about his personal space.  I guess that's the challenge of trying to fit together.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

DadBod

Everyone is a little body conscious, but to what degree?

I look at this photo posted a few days ago from a Malibu beach trip and say... not bad.  #dadbod.

A slimmer gut which can be achieved by a few visits to the gym and some shoulder presses for a stronger frame.  I flirt with the idea of having an awesome ripped body for my 30th birthday via trainer, but that's all it was - flirting with the idea.

Because.. the gym is hell, working out is hell, exercise is hell and I'm not happy when I'm there.  For Jimmy, for others it's therapy, it's stress release, it's satisfaction.  For me.. it's something to do to wait out traffic.

Take a spin class?  Or sit in traffic.  Okay, you got me there.  I did enjoy swimming in the morning, but it's been so difficult to wake up.

I made this realization when I hung out with a cute couple in the swimming pool.  They both had dadbods with big bellies and they didn't give a fuck.  They didn't make compensating body jokes, they didn't get embarrassed.. they just took their shirt off and jumped in.  And that's what I did at Malibu.  Why should I give a fuck, ya'll my friends.

I guess the point is... I should remind myself to exercise for happiness and health, but to control the spillover and pant tightness. And never to keep myself from what I enjoy in life which is.. eating amazing foods. And moderate the things that aren't that great for me.   I guess, I'm on the right track.

#almost30






Coachella 2015 - Blurry Selfies

Preparing for Coachella was a bit more stressful this year.  Last year was a breeze since we were just tag-a-longs, but long story short, we paid a lot more housing than we needed to, but I need to focus on the fact that it worked out in the end and everyone was comfortable.  Though $1,000 is a lot to spend for a music festival 3 hours away.  (This includes food, housing etc.)  I also didn't know any of the bands which is why I wasn't too excited about it.


But when we finally got there, it was an amazing time learning about new bands being in the desert. I love heat.

We stayed at the Sonoran Suites about 10 minutes from the Tennis Gardens in Indian Wells shuttle stop.  We decided this is the best shuttle stop - low stress, ample parking and quick access.

We had a good group of 9.


I spent two weeks before Coachella figuring out what our group totem was going to be, but at the very last minute I found inflatable noodles in my beach bag.  It was so perfect, no one else had them, they were easy to see and compact.  They stated on the site: no totems this year and people were very well behaved.  I guess no one wanted to spend time and money on things that would just get taken away.  But people snuck some stuff in - nothing as interesting and amusing as last year though.  These things were so necessary to find each other especially since we broke off to see other bands.


I was really excited about transitioning from day time Coachella to night time Coachella.  Something about wiping off layers of sunscreen and looking at the sunset. Something about switching from hot to cool and watching everything light up. This year I brought tons of glow sticks and bought LED lights.  Security made a comment, "you're carrying uranium!"  I laughed.  The goal was to glow like the art installations.  I wanted us to be a rainbow coalition, but only one set of LEDs actually worked in the end.  I used the yellow led rope to tie around the totem which made it stand out even more.  People were so curious.. they thought it was a bong and kept grabbing them.   I had to chase this girl down when she took it from my hands and ran.  I grabbed her by the waist like a fireman while Jimmy called her a cunt.  lol.

I also bought these cute lanterns from the dollar store to try to imitate last years guiding light that Ernesto and Erik brought.

A photo posted by Christopho (@letopho) on



Music highlights:
Yelle - amazing performance!  
Marina and the Diamonds - so fun
Kygo - Charles introduced me to them.  Sad that we caught only the last two songs since we were waiting for Drake who turned out to be a buzz kill

I Saw: Kimbra, Azealia, Ryan Hemsworth, Lykke Li, Clean Bandit, Toro Y moi, Yellow Claw, Duke Dumont, FKA Twigs, SBTRKT, Flosstradamus, The Weekend, RAC, Kaskade, and David Guetta.

It was disappointed to see some of these DJs "perform."  It's like that SNL skit, they are just pressing buttons.  I want singers!!


I wish I saw Stromae, Odesza, Jennifer Hudson during Gorgon City Set), Jack White, Florence, Chet Faker




On the second day we spent the morning exploring sponsored tents.  No spotify tent to recharge your phone, but they had charging stations everywhere.  Instead there was the JBL tent which had this great underwater photobooth!  Other booths included massages, virtual reality, and face masks.


One of the exciting things is running into people organically.  It's impossible to meet up, but it feels so great to stumble upon other friends since so many people go.   When I ran into Sunny she picked me up and spun me around.  My camelbak shot out water from the excitement!




Charles had such an amazing time.  I told him that he's gonna have to plan next year.  As for me and Jimmy, we're still on the fence since it's so expensive and Jimmy wants to save his money to travel.




Though it would be really great to do a 2016 version of this picture.  It was so dusty in 2014 and green in 2015 #whatdrought

Other highlights:

  • Pool time at the hotel
  • Enjoying Hendrix and grapefruit soda
  • Making jello shots (should have made more to share with shuttle friends)
  • Eating at Pho Vu to get our Asian cravings out of the way for breakfast
  • Getting a good nights rest at the hotel vs. camping


Sunday, May 3, 2015

Sunday Thoughts


What's new with me?

Nothing really.  Trying to figure out my 30th birthday.  Party favors, food... time coordination.  It's less work than usual since I'm letting this charter boat take care of some of the stuff.

My mood last week was a low, is it residual Coachella withdrawals?  Is it that my company which was seemingly doing very well decided to do mass layoffs.  But I was spared, but have a lot more work on my plate.  Work that is more challenging.  But we moved into a bigger nicer office with standing desks which I love since I dreading getting the sit line; the crease on your stomach for sitting for too long.

I've been blogging a bit less because it seems that being more hidden about my life seems more appealing, but with my low energy and general dissatisfaction with weekday life, I feel like I need to return to my therapeutic hobby.  Also, I'm hosting my pictures on flickr.  My retina display is making the pixelation in compressed photos more obvious.  I suddenly have a thirst for sharp images that cannot be found if pictures are hosted through blogger or facebook... and now picasa which was never updated.  The entire interface of this neglected photo organizing software is pixelated on retina and the Photos App isn't doing it for me without real file control.

Last weekend was fun.  We did a handful of things and the weather was perfect.

N.A.O Ramen



Before we visited the "art piece" we had ramen and pleasantly found that the ramen was "on the house" because we had inadvertently came during a soft opening.


Vincent Lugo Park


After the ramen, we grabbed some boba at Factory Tea and goofed around the monster park.  I love these play structures.




An artist covered the Bate's Motel in Silverlake all white which made for good photos.  This building was such an eye sore since it was abandoned and tagged up.  Many squatters were found here.  They are finally demolishing it ... probably turning it into a mix use building.

Photo courtesy of Mitch

The weather was perfect.  That day was full of sunday funday drinking at the Eagle which was surprisingly fun.  Dinner at Sunset triangle and a movie at the Vista.  Never had I ever enjoyed walking around Silverlake, but it could be the 4 shots of Jameson talking.



This Sunday funday is spent at TomNtom.  With my roommates.  We're resting from a wonderful beach day for Charles' 32 birthday at Malibu.