Sunday, September 30, 2007

Church Boys

Today I went to Church with my family and I lectured my brother about how important it was that he go. I chose my words carefully so not to sound like a hypocrite and emphasized that it was just something mom and dad wants him to do. He kept arguing, but I reasoned with him.

When we got there, I was astounded by the Vietnamese eye candy. To my left and to my right were hot hot hot Vietnamese boys around my age. And what made them hot was that they were off limits.

But it doesn't hurt to look. No wonder JV is so religious. ;D

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Hitting on Girls is Hard

I'm fat, I'm gross and I have a rotting gym membership. So instead of going to a romantic park with Mony and friends I went to 24 hour to work on my fitness. She's my witness.. WOoo HOO!

And there she was, Stephanie from elementary and high school. I didn't remember her being so skinny, but I remember getting a card from her. I think it was a Christmas card during senior year. I was taken back because I didn't think she thought enough about me to get me a card. I always thought she was pretty. I remember her friends in elementary school threw rocks at me. JK, there were three of them including her. Erica and Amanda. They were always on the top of the jungle gym as if they were Mean Girls searching for little nerds to tease. I remember Amanda saying, "let's see what a nerd can do for a project." I opened my shoe box and there was my bomb ass Magic School bus Diorama that took all night. It had planets, and stars made from various things around the house. The 3-d school bus was held up by a metal wire and looked like it was really floating in space. I looked at her box and there were magazine cut outs that probably took 10 minutes. I snickered. LAME! I wondered if my hex on her ever worked. That was at Allen before I transferred to Randol, you can look them up here. Stephanie is the cute girl; second row, third in line. Yes, I have good taste.

I have been thinking about her lately since I'm trying to get in touch with old friends through the facebook. And of course she didn't have an account. While riding my elliptical, I could not believe my eyes. There she was in red workout shorts. Was it really her? I stare intensely, yes! I must get her attention. I continue to stare through the mirror while she treadmills. I smile cheesy when I think she sees me, but she doesn't respond. I casually go to the water fountain and look her way. She's on her cell phone. I recognize her voice. I remember when she worked at Little Cesar's I asked her for a free soda and she smiled with her braces and said, "of course." I remember it exactly the way I think it happened. "Of course," the words rolled out of her mouth gently and sweet.

I feel like a straight guy at a San Jose night club, so I stop being creepy and try to approach her. Damn it, she has her mp3 player on. She's getting sweaty, I'm already sweaty, I don't think she wants to talk. Fine, whatever, I do sit ups. And work on my shoulders. Dips and curls. And I head to the StairMaster to work my ass because my mom says it's getting huge. She's still on the tread mill. Look over, please! She does, I wave like a mad man. She looks away like nothing happened. Maybe she forgot who I was, I feel rejected and out of breath. I go to the free weights, I pass her, one yard away from her machine, I don't look up, I pray she says something, I'm embarrassed. Whatever.

Almost 10pm, all done with my work out, wonder if she's... She's on the ab machine! I can talk to her there. I slickly sit on the machine next her. She's in her groove. I do more sit ups than I planned. And I thought about what I was going to say. "So are you here every Wednesday?" Stupid. "Hey, how are you!?" Lame. My imagination goes wild. What if her big burly boyfriend comes and threatens to kick my ass. "IM GAY IM GAY! She's an old friend! Don't hurt me!" I raise my arms like he's going to arrest me. "I hate Fags!" he responds. I'm amused at the sitcom playing in my mind. Fuck, she's leaving. I sit up and put my face in my hands pretending to recuperate from working out, but actually I was stressed because I don't have the balls to say hi to a girl that I already know; but she probably forgot me anyway, but how could she?! She got me a card and gave me a free soda! Damn it damn it. Ok, last chance. She's on other machine, okay, now or never. I wish I had a shot of vodka. I wish I was as confident without alcohol. Okay, I'm going for it... she's not even looking at me.. Fuck it. I run to the exit with my head down.

Fuck, I have no game.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Living in Excess

I got my 3rd paycheck and I'm considering buying a 19-20 inch flat panel monitor for home; possibly with a wall mounted arm. It's not expensive, I could easy spend 250, but I'm holding back for some reason. Maybe because I keep asking myself, "do I really need this?"

Well, do I really need anything? It's funny how value is placed differently based on your own belief's and of course society's.

Recently, I would easily drop around $50 buying drinks, but rarely would I buy a t-shirt that costs more than $13. Is it because fashion isn't on top of my list? Probably since I still have clothes from middle school hanging in my closet. And I'm never impressed by clothes, like how I'm never impressed with movies enough to buy them. Is having a collection of your favorite DVDs excessive? I figure you only need to watch a movie once, especially since there's millions of things available. OR it's because I really am narcoleptic and fall asleep often while watching things longer than an hour.

It makes me wonder if I'm living out my life to the fullest. That's why we have credit cards, so we can be American and enjoy life for the now. Maybe I should consider that sort of life style and buy clothes that's not on clearance and start a collection of things just for the hell of it. And pay that extra 5 dollars instead of dealing with the stress of bidding online. But it's hard to make that switch.

This weekend I went shopping with my gay boys and they picked out cute things that I would have never found. We concluded I look great in white because of the contrast and I handed the lady my credit card. Brilliant. And the clothing has more value because now they are attached to friends. So if your my friend, please come shopping with me and help me spend my money because I grew up only buying what I "needed."

While you're at it, please make me a playlist for my car so I don't fall asleep while driving.

I Honestly Think I'm Narcoleptic

11:00 am- Looking through sales folder. Open the first file....
11:02 am- Shit, I dozed off. Readjust myself, skim file...
11:05 am- FUCK, why am I so tired? Ok ok, I can do this, close file, double cli...
11:07 am- Wake up! Damn it, release index finger so file can actually open
11:10 am- Lord, okay, maybe if I take a nap is the storage room. Walk to storage room. Should I leave the lights on? If I leave them on I can fake it that I'm looking through papers. But if I leave it off, no one will come in thinking someone left the lights on... what the hell am I thinking? I can take a nap during my lunch.
11:14 am- I need to eat, yes, Ill cut an apple. How do you cut an apple? Whatever.
11:18 am- Sit back comfortably chewing on appl....
11:20 am- Footsteps. Shit, I hope no one saw me. Ok ok, bathroom break number 5. Good plan.


This morning, I was singing along to my CDs... and I dozed off in midtune! Concentrating on the car in front of me.. bright red lights, he's breaking. Must brake too.. wake up!

OMG! This is how I'll die:
1. Heart Attack from all the Cholesterol I consume
2. Car Accident because I fell asleep driving from South San Jose to East San Jose at the late hours of Midnight.
3. Cancer. It runs in my family.

Monday, September 24, 2007


The last time I went to Dragon I ran into DuHoss. Tofu and I have known him since the beginning and every time we run into him, there is a sense of comfort and familiarity. We never hang out, we never plan lunch or outings, but seeing him at gay clubs from time to time is enough of a reminder that he is our friend.

He asked me how Tofu was and I responded great. He assumed we were still together. I debated whether to tell him or not. A couple of months back when I ran into him on the same dance floor, I told him we broke up and his jaw dropped. Satisfied by his reaction, I told him I was kidding. And with a smile he showed relief. It was evident that we represent something important to him. We represent something important to a lot of people that know about us. We represent something that is seemingly unreachable to a community based on hook ups and facades. And to say that we don't exist anymore is to confirm assumptions that gay people, gay Asian people in college, can't stay in a relationship for more than six months.

So I didn't tell him. He probably found out by some other means. But after saying all that I realize that people that do know aren't as affected as I make them out to be. It's as if they were thinking, "I knew it wouldn't last," "finally," or "makes sense." Is it because we graduated and it does "make sense" that we grow a part? Is it because that people expected and waited for it to end like it's supposed to? Or maybe people figure we'll get back together because our love story merely hit a hiatus and won't come back until next season. I find myself explaining more than people care to hear. "Oh we need to grow as individuals." They smile and nod. I wish I could read their minds. But I'm probably thinking about it more than anyone else because it gives value to my relationship.

By declaring confidently that we represent something is to make a audacious claim. And whether it's true or not I know I didn't stay in a 3.5 year relationship just for the kids. But now I'm single and I really don't know what to do or how to feel.

Sure I have a couple of small crushes on people but only because I think that I'm supposed to. I don't flirt any more or any less than when I was with Tofu. And I do think about hooking up from time to time. But why not date someone new? Am I waiting? Am I holding my breath for one, two years for him to return to me? And can people smell that? See it in my eyes and proceed to stay clear from me because my baggage is placed in front of me instead of behind?


I miss him, that's for sure. But I'm making due by finding comfort the single way: through friends- dancing with Monyrith at straight clubs, calling Kevin every Thursday before he volunteers, or watching Queer As Folk with Gabe before I go to bed.

Tofu calls me about once a week or two before he goes to bed. Sends me emails with pictures that remind him of me. He's a good friend and as long as he's a part of my life.... being single isn't too bad. And maybe, this time around, we can represent something else that's equally important to the community.

BTW. I'm having a great hair day.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Straight People - 1, Me - 0

le tO Pho: are u still into girls
Straight Friend: lol yes
le tO Pho: too bad
Straight Friend: haha so random
le tO Pho: you're too cute to be wasting your time with such heartbreakers
Straight Friend: haha, thanks, but i think they're worth it
Straight Friend: =s
le tO Pho: UH HUH!
le tO Pho: their demons
le tO Pho: those girls are... tempting you with their Booobies
Straight Friend: mmm boobies
le tO Pho: haha, gross
le tO Pho: question
Straight Friend: yah =\
le tO Pho: have you ever made out with a guy
Straight Friend: nope, never
le tO Pho: then, youre not straight
Straight Friend: lol, how so?
le tO Pho: cuz, you need to confirm it
le tO Pho: like.. Dude.. this is really disgusting, I really AM straight!
Straight Friend: lol i dont need to confirm stuff i already know
Straight Friend: like for example
Straight Friend: you dont need to actually hit your nuts with a hammer to know its gonna hurt
Straight Friend: or to know you wont like it
Straight Friend: you just know!

Well there you go.

Hairchive: The Spikey Work Do

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


For All the Commuters Out There

My company feeds me breakfast:

Here are a couple of tips for saving gas!

1. Fill up your car or truck in the morning when the temperature is still cool. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground; and the colder the ground, the denser the gasoline. When it get s warmer gasoline expands, so if you're filling up in the afternoon or in the evening, what should be a gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and temperature of the fuel (gasoline, diesel, jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products) are significant. Every truckload that we load is temperature--compensated so that the indicated gallonage is actually the amount pumped. A one-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for businesses, but service stations don't have temperature compensation at their pumps .

2. If a tanker truck is filling the station's tank at the time you want to buy gas, do not fill up; most likely dirt and sludge in the tank is being stirred up when gas is being delivered, and you might be transferring that dirt from the bottom of their tank into your car's tank.

3. Fill up when your gas tank is half-full (or half-empty), because the more gas you have in your tank the less air there is and gasoline evaporates rapidly, especially when it's warm. (Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating 'roof' membrane to act as a barrier between the gas and the atmosphere, thereby minimizing evaporation .)

4. If you look at the trigger you'll see that it has three delivery settings: slow, medium and high. When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to the high setting. You should be pumping at the slow setting, thereby minimizing vapors created while you are pumping. Hoses at the pump are corrugated; the corrugations act as a return path for vapor recovery from gas that already has been metered. If you are pumping at the high setting, the agitated gasoline contains more vapor, which is being sucked back into the underground tank so you're getting less gas for your money.

September is Almost Over

This week has been crazy as well. But it's the last week before Diana goes back to SD and so more things need to be planned (e.g. Sushi/Cooking Night.) Here's what I have been up to with a couple of thoughts and pictures to come.

Wed, Sept12: Wholesome Cooking
I had dinner with Madeline and I ordered the Hot Beef Noodle Soup. This is what it tasted like: water... then BAMN! Spicy! I couldn't eat it, but with Madeline's help, I managed to salvage some of the meat. Aftward Diana came to Madeline's to bake cookies! Madeline's mommy gave me some of her famous Cheese buns and I was sent home happy. Two of my favorite things: Cheese and Buns in one! If only they were in a shape of a giraffe.

Thurs, Sept13: Extreme Downtown!
Two hot girls, two gay guys. The night was ours. And I was ready to be the best CockBlock in the world. At Cinebar we knocked out 3 drinks in half an hour. I was feeling generous since I just got paid and I realized that I can now associate people with drinks:

Caitlin: Blueberry Stoli & Sprite
Diana: Long Island, Margaritas
Monyrith: Washington Apple
Eric: Scooby Snack, Silverback
Alysia: AMF
Tofu: LC
Aaron: Jager Bomb

Caitlin introduced us to a couple of new drinks: Brain Hemorage, Oat Meal Cookie, Rumblemint. I was very hung over the next day, but I had a fantastic time confusing the downtown people by dancing with Monyrith then dancing with Caitlin. Diana did the same and it was as if we had no cares in the world. Monyrith noted a cute guy at Temple and I proceeded to dance 1 inch away from his back side. I believe his friends pulled him away to protect his virgin ass. Cinebar-> Hunters -> Temple -> Tiki -> Splash -> Toons-> Voodoo (sort of) -> Mission Ale? (Maybe) But every spot was hot. I also ran into Sean Paul and I believed he was amused at my lack of concern of being gay bashed while dancing so wildly with Mony at the Tiki Lounge. I enjoyed putting on a show and I hoped I sparked some curiousity among those straight guys with facades and compensating masculinity. The girls treated us to LaVics where we ran into Sarong! Alysia's ex LOOOOVER!

Fri, Sept14: Murphy Street
I treated my older cousin's out at Murphy street in Sunnyvale. We talked about family issues and that's when I realized that 2007 has been a horrible year for us. They enjoyed the event and I'm glad I could do something special for people I looked up to. Afterward, in my work clothes I attended FUZ which is also in the same area. 18+ means ghetto, immature, and classless. Even with a separate 21+ section I left at 12:30. Good thing, I didn't have to pay the $15 cover! But if I tried harder, I could have had a better time.

Sat, Sept15: Brunch
I suggested a good bye brunch for Caitlin and Diana suggested Cailtin's family make us pancakes and.. BAM! All of us including Smyr! Engaged in a pancake brunch with delicious sausages! We are a family. Caitlin only visited us for a week, but we milked that week baby! She makes me realize that we represent home and that no matter where we go, we'll return to each other from time to time. At night, I treated out my immediate family to Black Angus. I met up with everyone after. The night was calm at Smyr's apartment, but could have been wild. For some reason we were just enjoying company instead of getting shitfaced.

Sun, Sept16: The Nools, the Hollands, and Ignian Families in General.
I helped Ariane move her bed and I suggest she name her unborn child: Fandango Mango Nool-Yango. Her parents bought me In&Out for helping and I sat and watched Aaron's crazy mom scream at the football game. She offered me her home made salsa, which I gladly took. That night I had dinner at the Hollands and I felt very welcomed. I was told I should visit them even when Diana leaves, the Ehrharts told me the same. I felt very welcome and obliged to return the generosity. Perhaps a thank you card? I guess visiting them like they asked should be good enough. I also must call up the Bosworth's to see how they are doing. I am very lucky to be welcomed at my friends homes.

Mon, Sept17: Rainbows Emitted from My Body
I ran into Mony inadvertently at Target. He apparently saw the rainbow shooting out from my body. He told me about all sorts of skin products. He is all sorts of knowledge! Afterward was Billiards and Karaoke. In the Rite Aid plaza is a shady small bar with Karaoke. Diana and I sang Flavor of the Week and my name got lost in the pile for the second song so we left. But it was fun no less and I ran into a middle school friend. It made me appreciate the hidden excitement of San Jose. You really should give it a chance.

I have also added a July and August Recap with Stolen Pictures. Please refer to them:

Monday, September 17, 2007

Another Entry about My Skin...

Digital Camera's are usually nice to me.
So if you've never met me or haven't seen me in years, you wouldn't know that I have severe scarring on my face.

My mom told me that when I came home from Berkeley her "mother's heart was pained to see so many marks on my face." (In Vietnamese of course.) When I got a haircut, I told the lady that I enjoyed Bun Bo Hue. She proclaimed, "that's why you have so many pimples, you like spicy food." The stranger meant to make conversation, not to be rude. Sometimes, being honest is good, but maybe pretending that I am worthy of being remembered as attractive will prevent me from thinking that I am worthless. I'm pretty confident, outgoing, you would think that I have more things going for me that I don't let superficial issues bog me down. Please continue to think that about me because that's nice. But I do think about stuff like this because everyone else does.

I remember Christmas when I was given Pore Clarifying Gel as a present. I remember playing Scattegories and someone saying, "Acne medicine? Chris should know ALL about that!"

Every night I yell at myself if I fall asleep without using RetinA as if I were an alcoholic: dependant on a substance that provides momentary hope... or at least covers up dispair for the time being.


yuck, what a weakness. please don't let this entry let you think less of me. I have a lot going for me and I have a lot to offer where other's lack. That's enough for people to remember me by. And maybe the only person that let's my scars define me is ... myself. (LOL) If only I could read your mind.

The Anatomy of Humor 6: "A guy walks into a bar . . ."

This is my favorite "A guy walks into a bar..." joke from the link below. Heheh

A guy walks into a bar with a German shepherd dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign--I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the man tells his friend about it: "I told him I was blind, and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down. The bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"


BTW: We hit the 1000 Views Mark! 500 of those are mine, but we can still celebrate! YAY Blogging!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

I Want This Hair

I want to try this style. But when I do it, it'll be considered "Asian."


Ain't No Other Man Video Interpretation

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Life is Short

I drove by Mr. Santamoore's house and thought about the conversation I had with his wife about the history of the court. I haven't seen him in a while and wondered if he was okay. I saw an unfamiliar truck in front of his house and thought how horrible it would be if he passed away.

As I came home from getting a snack, my dad told me that he just got a call from our neighbors. This morning what I worried about was true. I remembered when I was in high school he would pay me 5 dollars to get his mail when he went on vacation. Every morning for a very long time he would put up the American flag in a slot by his garage door. And every night he would take it down.

My family stopped by to pay condolences and I visited after. Ms. Santamoore was in good spirits. She said he was 91 and passed away quickly. There were no tears in her eyes, rather gratefulness for our presence. Her son had been with her all day and at night he left her to be alone, probably for the first time in a long time. That made me sad. Once again I thought about my grandpa at his apartment alone. He prefers it that way. I looked at the pictures on Ms. Santamoore's walls. She had black and white pictures/portraits of her family. One was of her grandfather who was born in the 1850s. I can't even fathom how much of history lesson she could give me that would more valuable than a class.

I thought: 91? That's such a short period of time, but it's longer than most people in this world. My aunt's cancer came back at a level 4. My cousin's 24 year old girlfriend contracted leukemia. My other Aunt needs a pacemaker. My mom took off a week because her back pain prevented her from moving normally. It's just not a good year.

I need to do something amazing before I die and I should visit my grandpa and Ms. Santamoore

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Multiple Topics for two Busy Weeks With Friends

Just for the record, this is what I've been up to with Pictures from Dholla:

Thurs, Aug30: The Blank Club
I was surprised with the presence of Michelle Wall! But with no camera, I can only write down the date to keep record. I owe a lot to her and I was great to see her in the Nightlife, but as we danced, it was like we were back in high school at convention; young at heart. At midnight, I said good bye to my friend and wandered the streets on my usual path with Mony and Diana and discovered Hunters. The best part is just walking and talking. The cold air is unmatched by the warmth of huddling friends.

Fri, Aug31: Hooters Really Scare me.
Szeto's birthday was celebrated at Hooters. I thought I could handle it, but I got so embarrassed when all this skin was flashed at me. I was looking at the cleavage, and I think I was a bit curious, but looked away quickly. So strange, so alien. Once again in downtown San Jose, a bigger group and more bars. Smyr's curious straight friend asked me about the gay scene. His curiosity made him cuter. Poor Smyr, always ends up at a Gay club but no longer protests. He realizes he is out numbered even when he brings out his teacher friends. Szeto threw up after 10 or so drinks purchased for him. And Sandy did not fall asleep!

Sat, Sept1: Party with Teachers? No, Stanfurd People.
Smyr invited us to party with his teachers, let's give them a chance. We offered Sandy's sister's Jello shots to the group of strangers as conversation starters, but no one seemed to be interested in making new friends. We followed the trend by staying amongst ourselves. At the end of the night was a bad version of KINGS (I wasn’t one to argue, but House rules win, but these were bad rules) where instead of a Kings Cup you play 5 fingers. Instead of 10 to the Men 6 to the Chicks, it was 4 to the Whores, 6 to the Dicks. AND there were no reaction cards like Ace to the Face. So it went very slowly. No worries, we had free margaritas and boogie Cheese and Strawberries dipped in chocolate.

Sun, Sept2: Whhhhhat? A Labor Day BBQ With No Parents
Very last minute, but very successful. The more fun part of the evening happened in the pool when Smyr's charismatic friends talked about random topics like how the proper way to say What is to emphasize the WHHHH. We had a lot of fun with that one. We let Smyr do his work and came back to watch a chill movie that everyone enjoyed. Though I fell asleep.

Mon, Sept3: Last Visit Before Sandy Left
Smyr's roommate opened the door, stared at us for 10 seconds and then shouted, "CHRIS! Your friends are here." Smyr's cooler/gayer roommate said, "Don’t be so mean, they could be YOUR friends too." She responded with her eyes that THAT wasn't going to happen. A couple of words later, we left the awkward condo to let Smyr go back to work and I realized that his new condo wasn't really an Ignian condo as I had hoped because of other people living there that I should respect. So no playing after work, Smyr is exhausted by then anyway.

Wed, Sept5: Painting with Different Chapters
In a previous entry I talked about different chapters in my life in one room. It was cute, everyone was painting and the conversation was fluid. I'm trying really hard to integrate my friends and to learn not to put everything into distinct categories.

Thurs, Sept6: Grandpa
Finally, I visited my Grandpa. He was pleased to see me. Old people make me sad and I hope that when I'm old, my friends will be with me in the same nursing home. My grandpa seems so lonely. But I hope to visit him whenever my mom goes.

Fri, Sept7: DRAGON
I respect Monyrith's Active approach on life. "hey, I haven’t been in while, want to go?" And we did. Up 101N and to the Gay Asian Paradise South of Market. I made a list of all the people I ran into on a napkin at the end of the night: DuHoss, Sole, Earl, Jenny, TonyIDM, Thomas, Jesse, Wilfred, Matt, Andrew, and Moises. A couple of shared dances and quick catch up words was enough for me. I miss these people and even though I'll only see them at places like these, its good to see familiar faces and to dance with people you know. I also creeped out a boy because I was staring at him. I could tell because his friends cockblocked me. Once again, no camera.

Sat, Sept8: Hot Girls Get Us in Free
We owe it to Janelle to try her cooking and finally we visited her. She made amazing chicken. Before dinner, we efficiently hit up Height & Ashbury and Chinatown for lunch. At night Smyr and Caitlin drove up and after Jager, Rum, and Tequila, I packed some in thermoses, we drove out to the Marina (Marine?) District and to the Castro. But before we left Janelle's apartment we ran into my other ex-girlfriend Myla in the elevator! Smyr said I had good taste. I was flattered. Towards the late part of the night, we decided that we had spent too much and wanted free things. At the Castro, they asked for 3 bucks admission, I immediately turned around and said, let’s go somewhere else. The bouncer said, "Wait wait wait, just come in, how many of you are there?" We felt good and danced to bad electronic dance music. "One Long Song" as Diana claims it to be. Janelle was being a great sport about it. Her anxiety hit and she maturely step aside for an hour to ensure that she didn't ruin our fun. Mad props, but I talked to her for about 4 minutes in a ghetto accent to make sure she was okay.

Sun, Sept9: Take the Offer
Poor Smyr drove us back late into the night. I crashed at Caitlin’s and shared her small twin bed. Maybe because I stunk, or maybe because I was gay, we did not cuddle much. I realized that there was role reversal. I felt like Straight guy in a gay situation. If I had maybe 3 more shoots and if Caitlin wanted me, I would give it to her. Curious-er and curious-er. Interesting. Her parents took me to the Renaissance Fair. There were crazy people in crazy outfits. I bought a necklace for too much and watch some funny shows. I was offered a ball to throw at a target and I threw it hard and it flung to the ground. I ran away embarrassed. I realized that I offend Caitlin’s parents by refusing offers. So at dinner I was firm and confident when they asked me what dish I wanted. I could tell they liked that. But I found myself being silly again when I had order one shrimp dish too many. In response her mom said, “NO Chris, it’s okay.” Sigh, I’ll never win. At night, Diana, Caitlin and I went to 300, the bowling alley for a couple of drinks.

Mon, Sept10: Silly Errands
I took half day off to visit the dermatologist and get my oil changed. I concluded that if my skin does not get better by December (6months of Retina, pills, and sun block) I’m going to invest in laser. Why? Because… I feel like it’s affecting my confidence. After my oil change, I started my car and there was a song from the Willy Wonka soundtrack playing from Jon’s CD he made for us. “Come with me, and you’ll be, in a WORLD of pure imagination!” The people changing my oil must have thought I was crazy! That night was a chill Starbucks evening with Monyrith, Neil, and Diana.

Tues, Sept11: Tuesday Night Life and Lessons in Cockblocking
Caitlin rolled her eyes when I told her we were going to play Cranium. Even though we were talking over the phone, I could hear the sound of rolling quite clearly. But it was fun! We played with some new people and as the teachers left because they had to get up early, we headed downtown! Smyr, stopped by for literally 10 minutes dressed in his work clothes. Poor boy doesn’t have time to get comfortable and immediately he’s on call from his friends. He has enough pressure.

After finding perfect parking and wandering the streets, we decided on Mission Ale. The music was perfect and even Diana enjoyed the hip hoppiness. I love songs that tell you how to move. I was especially impressed by this guy named Ryan who proceeded to talk to our group of three gays and two hot girls asking us if we were dog or cat people. On the dance floor he was a predator and I could not tell if Diana enjoyed dancing with him. I tried to read her body language, but her smiles and unaffected dancing made me believe she was having a good time. Caitlin cut in to save her and I tried to read Caitlin. She did the same. A couple of minutes in she shouts in my ear, "YOURE so Mean! you're supposed to protect us!" Well, shit, I couldnt tell, I didnt know these rules. Ryan got the hint and walked away unaccomplished. I failed again later that night when I left the ladies alone for two seconds only for them to be attacked by cat calls and boys getting jiggy toward them. I didn't realize how aggressive straight people were, but now i know to protect my Ignian girls and to read their body language better. Oh and Mony says I look fat in this tshirt:

Wed, Sept12: I Drink Coffee Through a Straw so it Doesn't Stain my Teeth
I don't want to drink coffee because there's a million other things I could consume that won't stain my teeth and is better for my body, but in this situation, drinking coffee is probably best for my health over all. Plus, I fall asleep during meetings. How am I supposed to get promoted if my mind keeps wandering away from my body?

This morning I fell asleep driving to work and swerved a little into right lane. And that morning, I drank a cup, but my body rejected it.

The rest of the week: Like with Sandy, with Caitlin in town, we must show her a good time: more downtown on Thursday, FUZ with Monyrith on Friday, and Chinatown Bar hoping with Smyr and Diana on Saturday; more pictures and more stories of my life with plenty of work and fun to match. More Pictures to come

Monday, September 10, 2007

Target Witchcraft

This is a map of the Targets in South San Jose.
They are building a 6th target... that's right, ON Tully in the middle.
I think when it's completed the big earthquake everyone has been anticipating will hit.

A Quick History Lesson

I stepped outside and noticed my brother talking to our retired neighbors.

I greeted them with an evening smile and they asked me what I was up to. After I told them that I was working and living at home, the woman that lived across the street told me about her two sons that didn't move out until they were married. And that was completely normal at that time. She said this in her Irish accent.

Ms.Santamoore lives next to me. Her hair is pure white and face is unaffected by the strain of age. She told me about how my court was filled with boys. All the garages were open and everyday was a picnic. One home had air hockey table, another a pachinko machine. At night all the neighborhood kids would lay down on the newly paved streets and gaze at the stars unpolluted by city lights. On the forth of July the street was closed off and everyone gathered to eat together. It was like a village. The streets ended early and end of the court used to a be a farm where they shot of firecrackers. I point to the large tree and ask her if it had been here that long. She responds that it was fairly new even though it stood miles high.

Her stories were simple but my imagination ran wild. I examined her face and translated her voice into a picture of what the court where I live on used to be. The sky turned dark and my brother was antsy and I excused myself to do chores. She told me it was nice to talk to me and I returned the gratitude. I wanted to ask her more because she took her stories with her never to be shared again.

Friday, September 7, 2007

This is as funny as work will get

During the sales meeting, the VP asked, "are we still up shit creek with these people?!"

Love it.

Wednesday Night, Diana, Madeline, and Monyrith came to my house to paint. It was three parts of my life in one room. All that was missing was Miwa or Sally and Thuy or Peter.

Being Selfish is very Un-sexy

Last weekend was amazing. It’s possible that it was amazing because work has consumed my life and I look forward to these mini-vacations. Or it could be because of a BBQ, bar hopping, and a certain visit from someone from out of town. I think I went out with Diana 4 nights in a row! And it’s great that I can finally treat my friends out.

This week also made me realize what sort of investments we make as people, interacting and depending on others.

Case 1: My friend told me about his lavish birthday. Leather jacket, MP3 player, and basically a shopping spree were on his gift list. He reasoned that he took care of his friends. Anything they needed he would do without question. I see that; many times he has offered a drink, a ride and never hesitates to give me a bite of his meal. Giving expensive gifts doesn't mean they're good friends to him, but shows that they realizes that he's good to them.

But at times, people aren’t as generous or investing. It could be because they are tight on cash or because they are based on numbers. You pay here, I pay there. Or maybe they feel like nothing with be returned to them.

It makes me question what is better. Should we play the “you pay this time, I pay that time game?” Or should we always split it down the middle? In terms of friends, it’s important not expect anything in return because if they are your friend, their appreciation is good enough… well maybe in my ideal world.

Case 2: Among my group of friends we rarely ask for money from each other unless it’s for gas for a long trip and even then, I’ve gone to SoCal without having to give my fair share. But regardless, if my friends need me, they know I’ll be there for them and as long as everyone understands that, no one feels taken advantage of and the important thing is we are all having a good time. That’s an investment with high return. (I’m also researching credit cards.)

Case 3: This weekend’s BBQ was fully provided by Sandy’s sister who didn’t even attend. If we were able to scrounge up some money, it’s just awkward to give her an envelope for her services. She put in time to make food and as friends, we’ll remember and when she needs help, we are there. She was investing in people who she cares about or may need in the future.

I have a list in my mind of people who I feel as though I am indebted to because of their tangible and intangible gifts… and because I am aware, I’m trying my best to repay them. Not because they expect it, not to even the playing field, but to make sure they realize that I appreciate them and I’m not trying to take advantage of anyone.

It is important to be fair, but it’s also important to realize that someday it will all come back in the end when you least expect it. And I have to remind myself that everyday because being selfish is very un-sexy.