Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Classy Dinner in the Silverlake Hills

Ern and Jon prepared a fancy pants homemade dinner to celebrate Ern's marathon run the weekend coming. The view from the Silverlake home was spectacular. It was nice to drink wine and be a little classy for once. Though I did miss our beer pong dining table.

But no night is complete without a little indecency. Thanks Jimmy for censoring Jon's ass.

Mustache Mondays - Nerd Attack and Sam Sparrow

We are nerds. Nerds who jump like pencils.

Love candid laughter.

Ongina from RuPaul's drag race.

Some guy named Sam Sparrow who sings some song called Black and Gold.

He sweat on me and spit his water bottle cap into Ern's eyes... good thing Ern had protective glasses.

Mustache Mondays are fun.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Deal Breakers

We went around the circle listing out "deal breakers."

This is what everyone was saying... most I disagreed with:

  • Didn't go to college
  • No aspirations
  • Doesn't make you priority
  • In the closet
  • Never dated before.
I announced that I didn't get why going to college was such a big deal.
"Chris, have you dated anyone who wasn't college educated?"
"...hmm, I guess not"
"Well there you go."

I guess I haven't had the opportunity to. The circles that I have been a part of are all college educated. In a sense, I'm naive to a community that didn't/couldn't choose that path... and privileged to be dating from a privileged pool. But I don't think it's a deal breaker if we click.


Whatever, figure it out later. Geezus, these people want to date entrepreneurs or something. Happiness is sufficient.


I announced that I wouldn't mind dating someone in the closet. In fact, I find it really hot.
"Chris, have you dated anyone who was in the closet?"
"How did that end up?"
"...hmm, it was great while it lasted??"

Okay. Well, in the closet is just a fetish then and as I've learned, not realistic... yet that still won't stop me.


Makes me Priority?
Um. Folks have work, I get it. They have their own friends, they should hang with them without me. They have their own life before I even appeared, they shouldn't change what makes them happy. They should respect their career, their friends, etc. They do NOT need to make me priority... just simply integrate me where it makes sense.


What I did agree with is experience- I prefer to date someone who has dated before because I believe that those with experience/baggage are better for it... that their mistakes were made with someone else before getting to me.


I thought it was an interesting conversation. I could tell that those who agreed passionately with particular deal breakers had experienced something specific (and traumatizing) in the past.

After a couple of days, I've concluded my own deal breakers:

Lacks Modesty/Feels Entitled
- Love yourself, but don't LOOOOVE yourself. LOL.
- Apparent insecurities are beautiful. Buried insecurities protected by cockiness are so unappealing to me.

- I feel like inexperienced boys make mistakes, aren't developed, are on a different page
- And experienced boys make better lovers... even if they are jaded.

Doesn't Communicate
- Call me, beep me.. if you wanna reach me. AIM me too.
- I enjoy sexting. I enjoy being very available in all forms of communication. Let's direct connect.
- "I don't have AIM. I don't have texting. I don't check my email. I don't believe in facebook" UGH... shall I send a messenger pigeon then?

Picky with Food
- Vegetarians are my deal breakers. I'm having a BBQ with lots of meat, get the fuck out of my house if you demand I make you something with plants.
- The animal is already dead... just put it in your mouth!! You're doing more harm by wasting its life.

High Maintenance/High Brow
- Stresses me out man. Live simple. Buy nice things later.
- $200 sunglasses make me vomit
- I like boys who squeeze out every drop of toothpaste, buy things on sale, accepts left over food.

Has a Beautiful Body
- Your muscles intimidate me; have a donut.

Loves House Music (especially with minimal lyrics)
- I'd rather date a closeted jobless bum that doesn't make me priority- FOR REAL.

Smokes and Video Games
- Addictions that eat away at your life. 'nough said.

Interestingly enough, these "deal breakers" are all things that are a reflection of our own values and values we appreciate in others; friends or lovers. So naturally we would already surround ourselves with people who are similar (like high school cliques in Mean Girls.) Thus making the whole "filtering process" very automatic. the same time. We might be going at this the wrong way. Instead of thinking "deal breakers," it should be thought of as "deal challengers" (except house music of course.)


I was thinking about the boy and preferences and I realize that I have an affinity toward the [trimmed] jungles of Southeast Asia.

Maybe I enjoy those humbled by the refugee experience that their parents went through- indulging in conversation about struggle and life appreciation. Maybe because I find it easiest to relate and connect. And in the end all we are trying to do is to connect with one another.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Right Choice

I felt his heart beat fast.


Before the date I looked up his facebook and found this under the info:

4 Ways To Win My Heart:
1. Stroke my hair.
2. Pleasant surprises.
3. Be goofy.
4. Cook for me.

Perfect, a complete guide.


He was wearing a dressy shirt and a tie. I was wearing a t-shirt and flip flops. Oops.

I was originally going to take him to Umami Burger (my favorite burger joint in LA), but he told me he's already been there. Mario's Peruvian was next on my list, but the atmosphere was too grungy. Shik Do Rak? My favorite KBBQ? No, he was dressed too nicely and I didn't want to make his tie smell. Fuck! I was running out of ideas and I really wanted to impress him especially when he drive 40 miles to see me and had to wake for work by 5AM the next day.

I was getting anxiety to pick the perfect dinner place to eat, but nothing felt right until I realized there was a local Thai place that I had enjoyed in the past. I made the choice quick enough and stress was allieviated.

Picking the place to eat is so important. I remember dates that bombed because the wrong restaurant was chosen, but this Thai place was easy, comfortable and good enough.

"It's Thai" has a nice romantic feel, but as more and more white people came in, I was worried that it was not as authentic as it should have been. He reassured me, "as long as the waiters and workers are ethnically correct, I don't mind places that are westernized." Relief once again!

He order this Thai salad called Larb that he claimed to be very particular about. He was excited that they had it on the menu. Please don't fail me restaurant!! Unfortunately the chicken was the wrong texture, but he brushed it off. (I would have been offended for days.)

Taking our order, the waitress asked, "what would you like on your noodle dish? Beef or shrimp?" I quickly responded beef. After the waitress left the boy told me that shrimp was something he didn't really like (due to some childhood trauma). And he was relieved I made the right choice. I smiled.

'Right choice.'

At that point I realized that the first dates/first impressions are all about the 'right choice.' God, it was so stressful. But I'd say it was a great first date preceding the preliminary coffee date screening.

The first date felt like a two way interview- facetiously speaking.
Not really acting different from yourself per say, but rather accentuating your best qualities and hoping it jives.

Though the restaurant wasn't perfect, the conversation was wonderful.


I'm really into him. He's Laos and he gets it. He grew up humbled by financial difficulty and I find him utterly charming and ridiculously handsome.

I don't know if I should play this game and act, "not that interested." But I think hiding that would be very difficult.

I'm writing down everything that I learned about him tonight- a routine that I usually do when I meet boys of interest.

...and yes I also maintained my first date, first base policy though it was really tempting not to. And I completed 'way 1' in the "Four Ways to Win My Heart" manual above... I'm nervous about 'way 4.' He said that he enjoyed my sample platter... and that he'll be coming back for more.

Let's see where this goes.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Gay Code

My coworker told me that he's often in West Hollywood because he has a lot of gay friends.

Last night he was at a table in West Hollywood and hollered at me.
"I was lying.. I'm gay... this is my boyfriend."

Floored me.
"But don't tell the other coworkers, I just came out in August"

Gay Code: You don't out fellow homos because you wouldn't want to be outed yourself or because you've been in the closet and you know how that feels. Or you're an evil bitch you loves to gossip.


Interesting turn of events.

body dysmorphia

I think I've become more self conscious of my body than I ever was before.

I'm just generally disgusted with how my pants fit or how everything isn't as tight as it once was... and I know that I'm not that out of shape; I didn't gain that much weight, but I just feel as though I'm this tub of lard that just rolls around.

Hmmm, what a weird feeling.


Today specifically- food did not look appealing at all and maybe it's because I was wearing those stupid designer jeans that are absurdly uncomfortable around the waist. Maybe because I was just in west Hollywood where an amazing body is a sufficient compensation for an ugly face or a dry personality. Maybe because my supervisor told my director that my fat ass will eat anything.

Ugh. Work out and be healthy- Yes. Feeling disgusting- No. Maybe it's time to escape LA for a little while.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Drunken Mammoth Trip

Five hour bus ride and Jello shots... sort of motion sick =X

"You have a 4K tab that will close"
"Then... we'd like 7 kettle sprites, 7 Irish car bombs and 7 kamikazes"

Lunch... and then happy hour.

Snowmobiling... like Mario Kart except we could have died going 60MPH in this manicured playground.... I felt like I was drunk driving in circles.

Gosh... I was tired, nauseous and freezing cold to actually feel the affects of the alcohol... or my tolerance sky rocketed.

Abrupt Encounter

"I had fun, did you have a good time?"

Boy leans in...
*OMG he's going in to kiss me*


I was forgetting how kisses were initiated. Oh yeah, someone leans in. Got it.


I met a guy during the roller skating event that I had been eyeing (preemptive stalking.) His swag, his voice, his smile all were very attractive to me. I displayed obvious interest in him. The interest was returned. Considering how much innuendo was in our conversations after, I was prepared for a hook up/f-ck buddy.

But then he asked for a coffee date... which floored me. "That makes me happy," I responded.

Casual coffee date. Conversation about board games, swimming, scary movies, work...
And a short make out session in my bedroom until roommates came home...


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I Miss Him

"I Miss Him Chris..."

My friend recently got out of a seemingly casual relationship. He was the "other man"


Last night I dreamt that I was on some campus in some dorm room watching him sleep. He woke up and reached out both arms like a little child for me to sleep next to him. I swooped my arm underneath him and reach around him with my other arm. I am always the big spoon.

I squeezed tightly as he faced away from me. He smiled and our pinky fingers brushed. He smelled good, he felt good and we napped for two seconds.

I found myself on the streets picking up food? meeting a friend? getting some air? I held off on texting him because I knew he wouldn't respond and I returned to the dorm.

On the bed was a dry erase board with a note: "Miss you Chris."


I miss you too.
I'm not a robot after all.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


Five of my coworkers are doing p90x, that workout program as seen on tv. Everytime we miss one day we put a dollar into the loser jar.

On my 3rd day I see my body in a better shape. I slept shirtless because I didn't feel disgusting and I'm pretty impressed with the program. Yoga portion was killer and it's just hard to find time during the week to devote to my body.

I don't need to have abs. I just want to not have lumps of fat in random places. All the food goes straight to my butt and it's so hard to find flattering skinny jeans. Anyone know a good apple bottom skinny Jean brand?


Smaller portions. I need to remind myself. P90x please assist the reshaping of my body.

Cheers to having a nice mid twenties body.


I haven't blogged in about a week. I feel like since being happier and on track with my life, my writing hasn't been as passionate or insightful. This blog has become a collection of fun things that I'm doing rather than an aggregation of rants and emotions, but what's going on in my mind?

Interesting enough, my blog is an honest reflection of my mind: I am distracted. My thoughts are simpler and I am so busy with doing random things that the only thing I am capable of analyzing are very surface level.

It makes sense- once you're older you merely don't have time to think about these things and tweeting is sufficient. But I'd like to remind you, remind myself, that I am still here.


It's been 8 months. Has LA changed me? I think so. I am more guarded, I've mellowed out, I'm more aware of judgments of others as I make them myself. I am engulfed in LA fashion which is - no fashion, just OWN it. Own your suspenders, own your over priced sunglasses, own your slim fit jeans. Look ridiculous, just OWN it while you jugde others for not being as cool as you.

I am involved in LA food... waiting in ridiculous lines, paying ridiculous prices, searching for the next new thing and proud when I find it before anyone else.

I am a part of LA's backwards car culture- paying for valet, always carrying cash and complaining at the same time- understanding that, that's just how it works. I am pretty LA.


Ern and Wirfs are confused at my taste in boys and my flavor of the week crushes. I am interested in boys, then quickly disinterested. Become best friends with them, flirt and forget that I even liked them to begin with...

I... feel emotionless.


I collect friends. I do it well. I will never live alone. I keep meeting new people. I keep reconnecting with old people. I depend on photos/facebook to keep tabs. I welcome you into my home.


I keep doing random shit. I was on a ski trip with coworkers, drunk the whole time... took a shot of Jack for breakfast, stayed sober, went snowmobiling (it felt like Mario Kart- and like Mario Kart I was bad at taking corners)

I saw Sam Sparrow in concert and danced with him when he jumped off stage. Went to the club in "Nerd Chic." Met Ongina from RuPaul's Drag race. I went to the park with Alysia and played with a Foxtail. Watched Where the Wild things are and fell asleep in her lap.

Next week I'm going to Mastro's, an expensive steak place. The week after, horse back riding by the Hollywood sign.

It doesn't stop. I am distracted.


I missed a week of blogging, but all I missed on is uploading pictures and telling stories. Thanks for listening to my stories. I'll probably upload a shit load tonight.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


I'm so lucky to work with people my age. While maintaining professional when it counts, we also have fun in the office.
My supervisor sent out a request to my coworker and my coworker responded with the pictures above.
You could hear a stagger of laughter as folks opened the email at different times.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Happy Birthday Mom

Via Text Message

Letopho: I called you twice last night. No pick up. :[
Mom: Sorry, I was busy. Call me tonight.
Letopho: Going snowboarding. Have a great birthday.
Mom: Thanks, love you.

Gosh, the best way to reach mom to wish her a happy birthday is by text message.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Fill my Life with Color

How about we dress up and skate around in circles?
I invited EVERYONE I knew in LA. I sent personal wall messages and out reached to a shit load of people to come out and have a good time on a random Wednesday. I encouraged everyone to bring their A-list posse, including my coworkers.

I was excited to learn that 30 out of 200 invitees replied yes, but saddened that things came up. At the same time there were folks from Northridge, West side and the OC that made the trek in search of something different to do! We added to the color of the roller rink at Glendale. Good wholesome fun... lots of legs, not enough booty.

God these booty shorts were so comfortable. You can see my panty line.

I met some cool folks and told them to come to our 321 parties. I had a rush of happiest rush through my body. This is what I enjoy doing- being surrounded by people who are willing to have fun.. pushing aside self consciousness, shyness, hesitation.


Afterward we were in search of a bar that would let us in. Only The Roost would accept our athletic wear. We spent the rest of the night throwing popcorn at each other and being Creepsters.

I love it. At the end of the night I asked everyone if they had a good time and they all responded with an enthusiastic yes. I think that planning something that makes people feel unsatisfied, discontent or miserable is one of my worst fears.

And it helps when everyone is into it, excited and willing... best feeling in the world.

I'll buy you more pizza, plan more events, serve more Jello shots if you leave your petty worries at home and put on those booty shorts that I like.

Photos courtesy of Jimmy.