Monday, August 25, 2008

Community Service Day One: A Greater Appreciation for Highway Clean Up

I had everything planned.
One week at the Glendale "Correctional Facility" next to the Great Mall. I would crash at my cousin's place and conveniently take the lightrail in the morning then back.

I biked and got lost, but found my way.

Ridiculously Unclear Rules
My cellphone was confiscated.
"Didn't you read the rules and regulations?"
"Yes, I don't recall seeing 'no cell phones.'" I whipped out the sheet to show that I read it.
"Right here." The lady cop pointed to the word cellphone under, "contraband." It was neither bold, highlighted nor underlined. Something as important as No Cellphones should have it's own section. By the look of the pile of cellphones that she had already collected, the rules were obviously not clear.
"We'll hold it as a courtesy, since it's your first day." How about you fix the rule sheet so that NO CELL Phones isn't buried next to NO DRUGS and WEAPONS?!? Normal people skip that section.


Some People Have it Worse
I was assigned an orange van. I got an orange hat, orange vest, gloves and safety goggles to match and I started to make friends.

This 18 year old girl had 3 days and an 800 dolla fine for stealing from Kohls. Apparently they had undercover lost prevention people posing as shoppers. Her friend that provoked her to do it got off scot-free.

This cocktail waitress from Britannia Arms drove into a tree. With out a lawyer, her punishment/fines were the same as mine. GAH. I guess, I really didn't need one. Two weeks before her boyfriend also got a DUI. Heh, I guess like-minds... hook up.

This guy from LA was refused the privelgded of doing his community service in LA. So he had to fly/drive back and forth to get his DUI shit done.


The people around me started to talk about the lice that might be in the hard hats and how they brought caps to avoid any infestation. Their intellectual action was denied, "no hats under your hard hat.. the layer actually makes the hard hat not as safe." WTF BULLSHIT WAS THAT?

This girl behind me was a chatter box.
"Like, I had all these songs in my head, like 'Macho Man' because of all the guys wearing hard hats." I snickered. If only I was a member of the Village People instead of serving time.

The group of 40 was divided. Highway clean up!
The van smelled like body odor. Not BO, but ... 24 Hour fitness locker room body odor. Ugh.

We parked and the driver emphasized safety, "Do NOT go behind the van... pickup trash in front of the van, it is here to protect you." As we picked up trash, he would drive along side us so that if a car were to come at us because they changed their mind about the exit (you know you've done that)... we would be shielded.


"We are cleaning a Cupertino high way." Cupertino!?! there's trash there? When we parked.. it was a land fill and it smelled like urine. I was handed an orange bag to match my outfit and a claw thing. As I picked up trash I thought to myself. This is fun.

After doing that for 5 hours in 3 different Cupertino locations. I didn't think it was fun anymore.

We took numerous breaks and I was able to nap in the car.
I began to appreciate clean highways. I thought to myself, WHO throws trash outside their window? People need to have class. I picked up McDonalds, Starbucks...actually it was a lot of McDonald's. "Of course, trashy people who eat at McDonalds litter."

Lunch time. As I was eating my pizza, I realized that the bag that contained my pizza was a McDonald's bag.

It hit me. I am low class. My college degree, my super star veneer, my pride, my confidence... was pretty much cancelled out by drinking and driving. Because people who get DUIs don't make good decisions in life.... and I've made plenty of bad decisions.

One of the guys picked up a Canon Powershot G9. This 12 megapixel camera was in fair condition since it was protect from impact by its case. It came with a 4 gig SD card. Lucky bastard. All I found was grocery bags and shame.

"Okay, don't go in the foresty areas. I have to check if there are any homeless people or if it's a fresh Meth lab. Those fuels are toxic." He was dead serious. I was learning so much about highways.

4 More Days
I was relocated to the Main Jail for the rest of the week. I was told that sometimes, they let us watch movies, but the catch is we have to stay awake. If you fall asleep, you are sent back to court. It is a challenge because it's 3 movies straight on VHS in a really dark and stuffy room.

God, the California Law System is so Cruel.

My forearms are a feel-good sore and if you drive 85 south bound and exit toward 280 near De Anza. You'll see a fucking clean divide that I did. YEAH MOTHAH FUCKAH!


dannie said...

that's so trashy! the other day i was driving and i saw the car in front of me throw his cigarette bud on to the freeway. Another car threw a napkin out the window. So sad...

Stanza said...

got an orange hat, orange vest, gloves and safety goggles to match

Pics or STFU ! =P

Man I got a $800 fine ($682 USD) for getting caught doing a piss in a restricted parking lot. How ridiculous is that? It was late at night and all the toilets were closed.

What the fuck is the world coming to when you get fined cos you can't supress some involuntary bodily functions?