Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Stimulate 10% of My Body

Yesterday's DUI Class was, again, interesting.

We watched a really cheesy British video on how alcohol affects our mind. It was a very biological/psychology approach that intrigued me. I took notes.

Here is a review for those of you who took "Drugs and the Brain."

"Candy is Dandy, but liquor is quicker." In other's words if you want some booty, consider using alcohol. Why? Because of its affects. I've talked and experienced alcohol's magical affects and come to understand that people use it hook up with people they wouldn't usually hook up with. (Or get kisses from straight boys.. heh heh heh). It's not because it allows you to be more confident, but in addition, alcohol helps to make you horny.

I'm going to skip all the chemical science and go to the important stuff. When we are drunk, our higher brain is impaired (that's why we do stupid things when we are drunk) and our primal brain turns on making us behave like animals... animals that need to survive... animals that need to fuck.

So it explains all the regretful AND/OR unapologetic make out sessions and hookups after/during a party or night club after a few drinks. But that's okay because alcohol is cultural, a social lubricant, but also a scapegoat. Let me buy you a drink. Let me loosen you up. Let me help you have fun. Don't worry, it's not like I slipped you a roofie. (Though that would be faster). Ultimately, it's still your choice to say/act without being inhibited by your higher brain.

According to the video, making out stimulates 10% of the body all at once. This is why kissing is very important during sex people! Can you imagine how much stimulation you are giving someone when you are messing around AND making out. That's like an explosion of goodness! (So please kiss while doing it.) That video was making really horny... and desiring alcohol, ironically.

Anyway, I thought to myself, what about me? I was in a situation where the cutest boy at the club invited me to his hotel room for some hanky panky (That I haven't had in a LONG time). He was by far one of the BEST kissers I have ever had... and I had a considerable amount of alcohol in my system so the beast in me can come out from hibernation.

But... I chose to walk out.

Because he told me he had a boyfriend. And I was that disgusted.
He wasn't guilty. He wasn't going to tell the person he 'loved' that he made a mistake. He was just going to have fun. And to top it off, he told me he was sober.


My higher brain took control. And my penis was shut down for another eon.

But I was drunk!! Apparently, I can drink and think I can drive a car. But why can't I drink and fuck the cute Hawaiian boy?

He pushed the right button that made me click and become human again.

I hate dishonest people. HATE.


Hooking Up.

While on the topic. I made some observations.
I miss being innocent. I miss being 18, 19, new to this whole idea of attraction to guys.

I remember being invited to "hang out" with a guy I met on the web and then making out with him at night. But my initial thought was, yeah! I'll hang out with you because I want gay friends. I want to watch a movie and just chill... whoa, where is your hand going? wow that feels good.. BAM! Sex in the car!

No, I really was innocent. I chatted up a storm with strangers and enjoyed it. To me, I was making new friends. To me... sex was just the prize at the end... but what I wanted now was just to talk to you.

Now, I've been through all of that. I know people carry baggage. I carry baggage. Sober or drunk, I've become skeptical and sex has become premeditated; not hot. Watch a movie? Sure. But bring a condom. And maybe that's why I'm so turned off. Why my libido is missing. Why my brain has turned off my penis. I could be kissing "perfect lips," but never know who they belong to or WHERE else they've been. I could be kissing someone else's boyfriend. Destroying something potentially amazing... something that I once stood for.

But at the same time, I wish I was hooking up regardless of 'baggage,' regardless of "this happy ending belongs to..." sign placed on their heart, but hidden behind lust. And just be another tick on their, boys I've cheating on you with, list. Because then I would feel wanted and my Animal mind can go to sleep, finally. But I warn you; If YOU'RE the one to LET that monster out, I will rip off your newly purchased Express shirt. I will lick, bite nimble every part of your body. I will push you against the wall, on the floor and on the coffee table. AND I will give you only 1 minute to recover before I get on you again and pull you into the shower because I LOVE shower sex. YES it's been that long...

I asked Raf. what he knew about me and he gave a long list. His memory is like a "steel trap." My memory is like "jello in the sun." And I realized how much of an open book my life has become. We talked about how feeling desirable is linked to being confident and being confident is linked to loving who you are.

I think I have become picky and disgusted with people who love themselves too much, with this hypersexual self-seeking and dishonest penis-before-brain community. Don't get me wrong, hooking up and having wild animal sex is awesome, but hurting others is NOT. And no alcohol in the world can prevent me from feeling regretful if I ever fall into that category.

Joe asked me if we would be better off if we lowered our standards. I laughed and said, "no, that's what standards are made for... so that you are happy with the choice."

But my standards are simple and I hope it's not rare. I'm in search of an amazing kisser. I would like 10% of my body to be stimulated by pure unapologetic honesty.

1 comment:

Stanza said...

It's no secret that alcohol affects our co-ordination and sense of judgment.

You can't walk in a straight line but you think you can drive and also this