Wednesday, June 4, 2008


Last night I had a really violent dream.
Really violent. I was being chased by someone, and I managed to get them in a room then kill them by breaking their neck and lighting their body on fire. I woke up realizing who I was killing... for um... many reasons, I'm not going to state who I have so much subconscious hate for.


After calling about 10 attorneys, reading up on DUI (i am now an expert), and talking to a handful of people who have "experienced it", I'm worn out. Stressed out. Further depressed, the whole sha-bang. I'm looking at thousands of dollars in fines and attorney fees, but I look at it as... lost pay checks. Essentially, I could be losing up to 3 months worth of paychecks.

I've discovered that the more expensive attorneys are very arrogant (arrogance is ugly). One of them blew me away by asking, "are you serious?" when I asked them a question. And my trust NO ONE policy (est. in April 2008) holds even more firm while finding a lawyer. But I'm leaning toward these two who are reasonably priced and who have seemingly good characters. But what does that even mean in a US court? Should I get the expensive asshole who will get results. Or the kind cheap man who may not even be able to perform. Questions questions. But I was assured that DUI is not complicated... SO might as well go simple, affordable... trustworthy? No such thing exists.

The first question is do I even need an attorney? My parent's Vietnamese friends say no. Everyone else in the world says yes. Hmm, let me think about this one.

I guess, with an attorney, I have nothing to lose except for a paycheck. The other paychecks are reserved for my actual fine.

What's for sure is I have community service hours. So you'll see me in orange cleaning the highway that I got pulled over on. JUST LIKE IN KEY CLUB!! I'll tell you the date and time so you can take pictures. So I can post it on my MYSPACE (note: facebook is too classy to post convict pictures).

Oh, and I won't be driving for about five months. Perfect excuse to leave the country right? Actually, I'm stuck here because I have to take DUI classes for 3 months (sorry mom, can't do that online) and an AA class to show that I am being proactive about my problem! JOY!


Last night, I played the piano. I was impressed by my... "tactile memory?" Music escaped from my fingers and I played a brilliant Moonlight Sonata by Mozart. My brother came down because he was impressed. I was inspired to express myself though depressing song.

Music is therapy, writing is therapy... I feel like being with people is suppression. I'm not a Debbie Downer and when I'm around people, I can fool everyone. I seem unaffected by misfortune. I'm a great actor. But I guess being surrounded by people is ... a therapy, a suppressive therapy because it gets your mind off things. And I guess, it's nice... my boys spent a lazy Sunday with me watching a weird movie, eating a random dinner, it was like any other weekend. It was nice. MoAny took me to the mall yesterday so that I could return some fashion mistakes. Smyr took me to work out and gave me some birthday cards.

Szeto & MoAny are sympathetic. But I'd have say, neither of them really know what to say to me. But having them around is sufficient. Joe makes asshole comments about Jail (too soon, Smyr would say)... but I was amused. Instead of sympathizing, Joe acts like nothing is wrong. And I like it. Because, well, 'at the end of the day,' I'm better off than many.

Joe inadvertently made me realize that by talking about his coworker's kid with internal bleeding. Joe doesn't ask me how I'm doing, he just sends me random webjunk to make me laugh. Joe's subtle; he made me realize that showing that you care doesn't have to come from a greeting card.

I haven't received any phone calls regarding how I'm doing. That's okay. I'm doing okay. I'd rather talk to my blog and browse the web all day anyway. And my boys have my back. That's my therapy.


dannie said...

it's good to know that you have some sort of out source to bring you up. :]

mich said...

i'm listening.