Friday, June 27, 2008

Box

I have this facebook application called the Honesty Box. Basically, you can write anonymous comments to me.

Usually, they're light hearted like:

"If you were a unicorn, you'd be the best unicorn."

But yesterday I got this:

"I thought you were a nice humble person, but you've actually become quite arrogant given how flawed you are."

I tried not to let it get to me. But, it was so uncalled for. And so cowardly. Who ever wrote that got what they wanted: they made me feel like shit. And I tried to be above it, not let it affect me, not blog about it. Not respond. Not let them win. But you know what, my life right now isn't all sunshine. And it was a bit cruel of them to say something so mean... especially now You know?

Maybe because my last entry I we behaving as if I were better than some and making wild accusations about a community that I love/hate. But I'm not apologizing for it because well: I don't think people should hurt people they love, sober or not.

Trying to brush it off. I don't have a clue who could have sent the comment. But man, if you're reading this and you sent me that shit. Please don't be my friend because friends don't make friends feel like shit, intentionally.

Stop hurting me. Please remove yourself.

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I tried to keep my mind off it by doing some more soul searching.
I don't want to go back to work because I hate working. And I'm flirting with the idea of going into Clinical Psychology.

I discovered that I would basically have to start over because I have zero classes in Psychology in my undergrad. So by the time I get a Masters I maybe thirty and there's a potential that I may be making the same maybe less than I did in IT Sales.

I already have a degree from CAL. I should just run with it.

I started to stress.

I got really depressed. I was in despair. I resorted to finding someone new to talk to. I posted an ad on craigslist:

Hey I'm 23. Asian. 5'7. Average body. Looking for normal people around my age just to hang out with. That's all. I just want a friend. Maybe someone to watch So You Think You Can Dance with. Send me a picture. My AIM: Letopho

A couple of people responded saying... "SEX SEX SEX." God damn it, I said Coffee! Then some guy responded telling me that I shouldn't put my SN on Craigslist because I was searchable. I appreciated his concern and we chatted.

The guy had to go so I went out to 24 hour fitness just to get my mind off things after driving in a large circle in my neighborhood. So this is what it feels like to be in despair. I got a phone call from the guy I was chatting with. We talked on the phone for a bit and I was immediately attracted to his voice. We decided to meet somewhere and talk some more.

He was adorable. A little taller than me... reminds me of KevJumba, Justin my middle school crush and Denis from Leland (yuck).

He took me to place with a view. We clicked. He lent me his jacket and told me I looked good in it. He told me he's not out, he plans on having a family and he's not interested in a relationship. That's fine with me because I just needed a friend.

He asked me why I felt lonely. I told him about all the shit that's been going down the passed couple of months. He really comforted me. He asked me if he could kiss me.

I rested on his shoulder and he told me really liked me. That he could imagine us being friends (rather than just a fuck). And I agreed.

We didn't mess around because I just want COFFEE. C O F F E E!!! (Even though he was wonderful and cute). As he drove me back to my car he held my hand. I kissed him good bye and handed him his jacket.

I called him because I was falling asleep on my drive back home and he told me he was going to call me and didn't know why. I told him I should have kept the jacket so that he would HAVE to see me again and he told me he was thinking the same thing.

He suggested that we go on a dinner and see a movie. But NOT like a date of course. I fell asleep thinking about him and how ridiculous my life has been.

He made me feel like I was worth something and it was nice, especially after that comment in my honesty box. I like him and I think he's into me but I know that both of us are cautious... after all... we did meet on craigslist.

1 comment:

Karnivalé said...

ahahah!


your stories are amuse me.