Sunday, June 8, 2008

Because Love is Rare...

Sonny introduced me to this community last year.

People send anonymous postcards admitting their secrets as a way of 'coming clean.' At the same time, reading about others' secrets is an artistic adventure into the human experience.

I've submitted a secret, and I wonder if he's ever going to post it. I saw this one today and I thought of the gay couples...

Sex = easy. It's taken so casually, and messing around is brushed off like an expected weekend activity. But is it just an activity? or does it signify the message in the above postcard?

Gay people are lonely. Gay people are horny. Gay people can't commit, yet they desire to so much... and find themselves in a self demising paradox.

I used to believe that gay couples break that paradox. That gay couples who embrace each other, convey commitment, trust and give a giant "FUCK YOU" to the gay stereotypes because they found love and need to be with only one person to fulfill all internalized desires. Celebrate my gay wedding, we are NOT what you think we are!

But more and more, I question the concept of a 'gay couple.'

The concept of a gay couple has been redefined for me... as I hear more and more stories about promiscuity, unfaithfulness being excused with a sad-faced "just don't do it again." Brushed off because to a gay person, finding love is so rare that it would be utterly stupid to let go because of 'one' mistake that does or does not involve alcohol. Finding love is rare because the first step is finding a gay person... and from that small pool, gay people find themselves being picky. I am picky. But you have to be.

But how many times do you have to forgive until you question their 'love?' And are gay people who are in relationships sluts because they aren't really in love? Or is their sex drive that insatiable? Are they that much of an animal? That they "need" to fuck everyone they see.

And because of this... I find myself becoming equally lenient and understanding. Because I am lonely, because I missed the idea of love. And I find myself continuing to be more willing to forgive and brush things aside (like everyone else) because at least after you fuck him, you come home to me and slow dance to 'our song,' cook me my favorite dinner and tell me you love me. And when we sleep, you fit perfectly in my arms. And I won't question your feelings for me even though you sleep around... because having you right now is that wonderful.

...After all, it's just sex. Right?

Besides, perfection is impossible and compromised when love is rare. In response to the postcard, "being a slut is actually just a weekend activity..."

And for now... I'm willing to accept that.

1 comment:

dannie said...

This sounds sad topho.
But despite the difficulty in finding someone, i would never forgive someone who cheated on me. that's just disrespectful.