Saturday, March 19, 2011

5 Step Program on Bumping and Grinding

Hey Eric,

Since you put together the 5 step program on winning $50 at the bar, what do you do if Mercedes approaches you to bump and grind?  I've been in WeHo for too long and forgot how to have rhythm.

She's drunk and coming at me!

1. Don't act scared, I'll be right there with you

2. Good, feel her ghetto rhythm and take a quick whiff of her hair like this.  Give a cheeky grin - yeah you like it you fedora wearing gaysian.  She wants you too.  The next step will come abruptly... be prepared... OH!

3. THERE it is!  BAM, like a dump truck!  Firm hand on her back.  Gentle, but aggressive.  Don't worry, I'm still here.  DONT LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT HER.. fucking gay.  MAKE HER BELIEVE!

4.  K! Good.  I'm gonna back out now.  YES.  Keep that hand there.  GET IT!!!! Show her that Quest Crew.  Poke her with your Poreotics.  Make her feel Kaba Modern.

5.  Challenge Accepted!  Photo finish for the family album!


February 2
In Echo Park is Barragan's - a random ass Mexican restaurant that evolves at night.  On Wednesday nights are $2.50 margaritas drinks and $12 margarita pitchers.  AND they play hip hop.  Hip Hop in LA is only played on Wednesday.

The crowd was so eclectic, hipsters, Mexicans, urban folks and gays with Grindr open.  There is not dance floor, but when the music of Hip Hop compels them, people make a dance floor out of the space between tables.  It was art.

I didn't find a bootylicious drunk girl to dance with, instead I stayed close to a friend.
This was my place.  Music was finally not remixed and my bay area rhythm came back to me.  MmM bump and grind. Bump and grind.

This guy bumped into Eric and responded, "moshi moshi."  Eric was confused and the drunk guy explained himself. "That means excuse me in Japanese, aren't you Japanese?"  Unfortunately, Eric, who is not Japanese, did not have a 5 Step program on how to manage drunk ignorance.  But Tweedledum was just trying to have a good time.  Weirdest experience of my life.

People talked to each other.  They danced together.  No one gives a fuck.  Drinks are cheap!  I could walk home.  Why do I head west to party when there is obvious a venue that meets my desiressssss?!

Don't let the floor work intimidate you. Stranger train.

Um.. gonna have my birthday here.  That's for shoooo.