At this point, I should be beyond being interested in curious straight guys, guys in the closet, guys who don't really know what they want.
I would like to hold hands with you while walking down the street and lean my head on your shoulder if I sit next to you. I'm so surrounded, so submerged in gay life that ... gay life is... life...
And that feeling of being gay and excited because you're combating social norms has escaped me because being gay has become my social norm.
==
So why do I like straight guys? Guys that would probably suffocate the life style that I have comfortably adapted? Guys that hurt me because they're only there 60% of the time?
"why would you guys like someone who you won't be able to get...is it like liking celebrities?"
In a way, we like what we can never have. Especially when we get a taste.
But at the same time, gay people have discovered that it's more trouble than it's worth. "I'd never date anyone in the closet." Why? Because they are done with that stage of their life, there is no need to return. Gay, Proud... why suffer again to come out?
==
And so... "out" has become a prerequisite. Or at least it should be, but I'm hesitant. I don't want to limit myself to these rules I've garnered made to protect me.... "makes me laugh, tall, successful, culturally conscious, non abusive, honest, at least 21...." I'd rather listen to my foolish heart and fall in love with any bum who's not "right for me." I like my heart to surprise me.
Why do you like him? ... because.... he's him.
And even though I say I like boys who sound funny, who look like cats... any boy who would love me the way I love him would do just fine.... love me the way I are.
... but that's what I say now... before that idiot does something really wrong... then it's back to dating with my eyes open.
(I think I need to reinstall love)
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Love Me the Way I Are
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5 comments:
awww
Hm... I really like this post. I think it's good to point out that people should open their eyes to understand how they might subconsciously limit themselves, with rules, prerequisites, etc. Then again, shouldn't we be learning from our past experiences and mistakes?
Every experience is a lesson learned, right? So usually, after that lesson, you conclude, "This is because he was so straight. Thus, I will only date guys who are out." Because A -> B, avoid all signs of A. This is something I realized I do subconsciously, as a way to protect myself, and so that I can understand and process why things happen to me. It becomes my view of the world.
If you are strong and can take people on a more case-by-case basis, I think you should do that. You have the most potential for hurt, but then again... you may have the most potential for gain too.
don't make rules, loavh. you just end up breaking them. i can totally understand and know how you feel when you say you miss being in love. we, you and i, are just hopeless romantics. sometimes the best thing to do is just close your eyes and leap to see where you land. if you end up falling then your friends will be there to catch you. don't be afraid to fall. leap, my love, leap! :)
You like who you like and there's no controlling that. Do we end up putting ourselves through the same grief over and over? Possibly... but at least we acknowledge the fact.
I think I came up with this, but I might have actually heard it somewhere before... "Would you recognize the man of your dreams if you're not sleeping? Dream with your eyes open." (Or "date with them open" as you said in your post.)
Hmm... I feel my own blog post stirring. ^_^
i like this entry! i totally feel you on this. maybe we purposely like someone who's straight, in the closet knowing there's nothing that can occur from it, besides whatever is already happening.
there shouldn't be any rules at all, just have some general idea of what you look for in a man, but he doesn't have to cover every aspect of that, like you said as long as he loves you and you love him, thats all that really matters.
if only there really was a way in reinstall love.
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