Wednesday, July 26, 2017

My 32 Year Old Gay Asian Body

I feel as though everyone has experienced some sort of body dysmorphia / self consciousness in their life.  More now with Instagram hotties getting a shit ton of attention and people validating others' looks, talents, tastes whatever with virtual likes.  I really like this picture above, but I can't stop starring at that gut that rolls over my waist band.. so that means I won't post it on instagram/facebook.

I've once daydreamed that in my 30's I would have an amazingly ripped body that I wouldn't mind showing off.   Or even in my 50s like this Singaporean hottie Chuan Do. But I've shifted my concentration to lowering my cholesterol with turmeric and cardio and I'm proud to say that I'm healthy!  I have a goal of losing some weight so that I'm no longer considered overweight for my height based on this random chart below.  But I'm not willing to compromise what brings me joy: delicious food from different places; in moderation.. and small slices of pizza.

Body positivity is important and body obsession is painfully annoying.  Folks that are body obsessed seem so one dimensional and empty.  They complain the most about their bodies when they're the most fit in the room and they don't seem to talk about anything interesting. Mix in some art/culture to that thirst trap selfie to make it seem like you have more to offer.  Anyway... I'm being judgey.

With that said, I wonder why at times I feel so self conscious about a little belly fat. It seems that being trim, having abs means having a normal gay Asian body.  High metabolism and smooth dolphin bodies seems to be expected.   This is a perception formed by seeing multiple unsolicited large group photos of cookie cutter shape trim gay Asian men in my social feeds even though I've unfollowed many vanity profiles.  And those that don't have those bodies in these pictures stick out and take the brunt of side comments.  Or is it that these are the pictures that I take notice because nudity is interesting?

Either way, do gays-with-abs ONLY hang out with other gays-with-abs?   Is it that ONLY gays-with-abs post large group photos on social media tagging each other multiple times at shirtless parties (that dont have themes aside from being shirtless) so that they keep popping up in my feed? Much like women's magazines, I'm inundated with... hashtag impossible body goals.  But these aren't photoshopped celebrities.

These are standard gaysians separated by one degree.

If this is what being gaysian means, I'd feel extreme anxiety to keep up.  Ironically, this doesn't seem to be a better alternative to not fitting into a heteronormative society.

For a second, DadBod was a trend.  These folks were attractive because they did't have time to obsessively work out; they were busy with family and raising kids. But what about the men who can't easily become dads aka - gay men?  Without children to take care of in our 30s it seems inappropriate and lazy to not "take care" of something else aka: your body.  And the gay community completely hijacked what being a daddy (zaddy) means any way.  I am neither definition.

I had a short moment of weakness after seeing a couple pictures from the bonfire and just needed to be reminded that I don't need to impress anyone. And that I was just distracted by social media falsely telling me how I should look to be considered a "normal" gaysian.  But fuck that. I'm healthy, happy and I planned a kick ass bonfire called "Beached Whales." Come as  you are, we don't give a fuck and you shouldn't either.

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