Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Alone with Your Thoughts

I'm trying to understand why I'm unable to appreciate time alone; after-all it's supposed to be good for me. But instead of turning the time into productivity, like I promised myself in the last post, I end up psychoanalyzing myself. Or watching sad Jollibee commercials which is up there with those Thai ones.

I'm helping a friend out with his podcast.  He wanted to interview me about "values."  And during our preliminary conversation I fell into a rabbit hole of talking about my self realized quirks.  Things that you sort of keep to yourself because you don't want your friends to think you're completely insane or incomplete.  Made me realize that it's been a while since I've talked to my therapist.

My blogspot therapist. I need to unload because I find myself unable to move forward and be productive during my moments alone.

Food Poisoning
On Wednesday last week I got food poisoning from a salad I got from work.  I threw up in the streets trying to release a burp by forcing a cough.  There was a lot going on.  I rested in bed for two days. I found myself uncomfortable until finally I had a greasy slice of pizza and kombucha.  That seemed to have healed me.

A few weeks prior my parents told me to avoid food shipped from China and Vietnam because of how dangerous and dirty it can be.  I argued that American processed food is just as bad and stubbornly denounced their concern.  "That's NOT how I like to live.  Show me proof that it's dangerous from a credible news source and then I'll listen."  I work in advertising, "organic, free range, gluten free" are all hype words that don't mean anything.  Unless you farm your own food, you're fucked either way.  And as proof, I got sick from a salad from work that has one of the highest "American food regulations" that my dad trusts so much.

Values: No Waste
My friend is very intrigued by my "no waste" life policy.
"Chris, you are so 'no waste' that you finish the broth of a noodle soup."
"why is that so unusual?" I thought to myself
"Did you grow up poor? I'm just trying to understand the source?" He questioned.
"no, pretty middle class.. but my theory is that people who did grow up poor are more wasteful because as they find success, they relish in no longer needing to live like that to survive."
"Interesting." He seemed to not really agree.
"Though they're related, there's a difference in not wanting to waste and being cheap.  For instance, I want your leftovers NOT because I don't want to pay for my own meal. Rather, I want your leftovers because I don't want it to go to waste.  It's purely because everything especially food has a purpose and it's awful for things just to be thrown away if they can be eaten or used."

This is why I'm enjoying selling my things on OfferUp.  It's not because I can make money but rather I can give/sell to someone who truly needs/wants it.  No only did these objects serve their purpose, they have another opportunity to continue to make others happy.

I sound insane, but I reassure you that I'm not cooking meat from roadkill.

Anyway - there's a rush you get by finding good deals and also by using things that you already have. Recycle, Reduce, Reuse.  No waste.

How is 2017?
Like for many, 2016 was an awful year for me.  2017 is just coasting along.  It's a year of breaking a few traditions like not going to Bay to Breakers or going on a trip during Fourth of July weekend.  It's a year of realizing that I'm 31 and things are going to continue to be the same if I don't do anything about it.  It's a year of not being evicted and celebrating.  And we've got our house party themes lined up.

  • Phoenix: Rise from the Asses - Fire and Feathers
  • Crowning: A King and Queef Party - Royal theme
  • Gaytorade: What Team do YOU Play for?  - Back to school, sports tryouts theme
  • Boo, You Whore!  A Mean Girls Halloween with Sexy Rodents of Ghouls 

Was excited to do a bonfire in July but with a shit ton of maybes, I'm thinking of moving it to August.  That's really the only thing I want to "achieve" this year is a fun bonfire.

Family


Alysia asked me to come with her to San Jose.  She said that she would appreciate the company during the drive and I took that opportunity to see my family.  My dad planned a trip to Capitola for Father's Day and we had an amazing time.  It's a quaint, hidden gem beach town next to Santa Cruz with these colorful houses.  There was no wait for lunch with a view and parking was easy.  We walked around and sat on the beach.   It was a wonderful outing that we haven't done in a while because my brother works odd hours and is too exhausted.  But he's making more of an effort.

My dog stopped eating and will probably pass away soon.  That will be a sad day for the family since he's been with us for 17 years.  He's deaf and looks lost wandering the halls of our house. But I'm glad I got to pet him one last time.

My dad retired this passed Thursday.   More like he got laid off, but with a very sweet severance package.  With that, he's going to continue to oil paint. He's taken a few of my travel photos to paint from.  Here's one from Paris.  Not bad!  Next is Sapa, Vietnam.


Basic Queen
I sat there with the most basic queen at a pool party.  Initially turned off by the repetitive sounds coming from his jambox, and then again as he made insensitive cancer jokes about people we knew.  I watched as he changed out of his swimsuit and into street clothes exposing oddly placed muscles.  Body shaming him in my mind, it was as if he was working out specific parts, but nothing that tied the thing together.  He looked lumpy.  Nothing he talked about was interesting aside from our mutual friend in New York who is "so cool."  That I could agree with.  I was a bit shocked that he knew him since I've thought of him as a bit disconnected from... the scene sounds like an appropriate word here.  I glanced around the hotel room: kettle vodka and two forms of drugs I've never been introduced to until now.

Is this... gay?  Is this gay culture?

He was a nice person.  I politely engaged in what I could as they described their friends from a scale of "averagely toned" to muscularly beefy.

Value: Trust In People
I told my friend that I trust that people are innately good, which is why I talked to strangers when I travel, but probably less so now that I got pickpocketed in the Athens, Greece metro.  But I don't trust people to properly execute things.  Not that I'm the best planner, but I know what you need to consider to get from point A to point B in the most efficient manner.  I know that's how my mind works.  I also know that a lot of people don't think like that.  I ALSO know that it's often not my place to criticize, but it's so hard.  And when I'm proven wrong, I'm pleasantly surprised.

Again, I sound insane or at least neurotic.


Alright - that's all for now.  Thanks for listening, I can continue living a productive life as a seemingly well adjusted gaysian in Los Angeles again.  Talk soon.

No comments: