Saturday, May 10, 2014

I Don't Know About You 2014


Echo Park Lake 

I can't seem to get my act together this year and we're almost at the half way mark.  I just don't feel as excited about ... about any thing.  I've been procrastinating on lingering things on my to-do list like submitting my taxes (I got an extension.)  Or getting my finances together in general.  I'm getting anxiety about what to do for my 29th birthday.  Initially I was going to host a large party at an AirBnB rental, but I didn't want to disrespect personal properties.

I'm having issues finishing this sentence:  "I would be happier if......"

I had a better wardrobe? - I don't care
I owned a house? - Yes, but... that's impossible
I made more money? Things are fine... I don't know how to manage the money I currently have
I traveled more? Yes...  I should travel like Luuworld.

Maybe that's what it is.  I feel stagnant.

I'm really disappointed that I'm not going to Bay to Breakers; a tradition thats finally being broken in its fifth year because Jimmy has a work obligation.  But I rationalized in my mind that Coachella was a very suitable substitute... which I can really appreciate as an exciting new experience that is more involved than trashing the streets of SF in a costume during the early morning.  But I love tradition.

I stopped taking pictures with my camera and have depended on camera phone pictures to capture blurry memories... but that's just what they are.   I find myself asking people..."where is this from?"  too often because the photo is smashed between selfies and food pics with no other indication....

Bollywood Dance Party at Los Globos

Friends are blurry too.  I love reaching out.  I love planning LA explorations, but it's not like before where we had a solid group.  People are scattered... as they should be.  This is  the natural progression of friendships. We're all growing up and focusing on ourselves and personal life projects.

Jimmy tells me I need a hobby.  Blogging and taking event pictures used to be an obsession, but not anymore.  I don't think my stories are that interesting.  I don't think my pictures are worth sharing either especially since everyone else is doing it and doing it better through microblogs. And my late twenties self has less to complain about.  But I do keep my Yelp! reviews up to date.  That, I'm proud of.

I proposed an idea to Jimmy to do a mock fashion blog that's self deprecating.  I would pose in an outfit that I usually would wear and tell stories.  "This shirt has a stain, but I really like it so I keep wearing it."  Or "I bought this shirt because it was like $5... it doesn't match anything, but whatever."  Or "my parents got this for me during their trip to Hawaii... I think it's really ugly, but I need to wait a few years before I can get rid of gifts."  or.. "these pants are too tight, but I just don't button it and it's all good."  Something like that... thought it would be fun to do, but knew that I would run out of material fast.

Maybe my boredom is body and soul telling me that I need to mix that shit up.  MIX IT UP and SNAP OUT OF IT.  But what do I need to do?

I think.... 2014 is the year of being complacent.  Which is probably why I don't like it.

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