Sunday, May 22, 2011

Sunday Night Thoughts

I feel as though I'm coasting along with no real long term goals.  I'm approaching 26.

Naturally, work is fine.  I like being an expert and getting positive feed back and praise keeps me at the office.  But if I want to grow, the only way to do so is to switch jobs.  I have good and bad days and whenever I feel that the time has come to actively do something different I get sad at the thought of leaving an office that I like.

I'm approaching my 6 month anniversary with Jimmy.  We are planning a trip to the Channel Islands.

Our arguments compose of me being an inconsiderate drunk and him being sensitive to my social habits.  To me, I'm happy that the "problems" in our relationship are petty.

"I like it when you say 'I love you.'"

I don't say "I love you" very often.  I don't like closing phone conversations with those expected three words when I mean to say, "bye."  I like whispering them into his ear in the middle of night when Love is the only thing I'm feeling/thinking about as other thoughts of the world fade into the sheets and his breathing is the only thing I hear.  OR the sound of his teeth grinding in which I would grab his jaw until he stops scraping down his enamel.  I also like to show love with an exorbitant amount of PDA and trying to stick a finger in his nose (or crack when he's saggin.)  "You're weird!"  For some reason I like it when he says that.

In the mornings he leaves me for work and I lay there going in and out of what I call "snooze dreams."  I need to wake up because my snooze dreams are often negative/stressful.  I don't understand why since everything in my life is quite peachy.

Jimmy and I have established "personal time."  Where we stay in our separate rooms and essentially get shit done- reminding ourselves our independence.  I need this.  In New York, I ached to be home.  I've never felt so alienated and wanted to return to something familiar.

Oh god, how pathetic.  Training myself to be me again.

Sex has also improved.  Not by adding anything new, but rather improving the usual.   Seems that it's important to have a springy mattress and to invest in high quality lubricant.  The free packs don't cut it (I should stop collecting).  All of which I've recently discovered.  Also communicating a little more.  Asking for more aggressive kisses and playing music that helps with rhythm, so to speak.

TMI?  Don't give a fuck, it's my blog.


Hi, I'm Letopho, I don't just post food.


Luuworld said...

i like your candid and honest posts! you and the bf look really good together. you're both very handsome.

oh, and you write "I feel as though I'm coasting along with no real long term goals."

if you're happy with your job- there's nothing wrong with "coasting along". the grass isn't greener on the other side. i speak from experience.

and what's that "long term goal" shit about? lol. it seems like you're sorted and got your shit together. why are you stressing?

P. said...

I know it's your personal blog but ... sex between you can Jimmy -- eew!

ChungkingExpressions said...

Ew as in...amazing? Duh! :]

thwany said...

hahaha i don't think there's anything such as TMI anymore. but congrats on all your happiness.

david said...

I don't say "I love you" very often. I don't like closing phone conversations with those expected three words when I mean to say, "bye."

sounds like me at 20-something... life is short and you never know... having a chronic, terminal illness changes people... it has me... 18 years into it, i almost never miss an opportunity to tell my closest friends and family that i love them...

~ cheers...

p.s.. sucks for the sharks... they deserved to win game 5... the series deserved to go seven games.... :(