Tuesday, December 7, 2010

True or False: Once a cheater, always a cheater?


I think for gay folks in particular we experience a lot when we first come out - first love and sexual exploration. It feels so good to no longer feel alone, but it also feels amazing to get all this attention when you first come out. "New gays," are definitely highly targeted in a community that is exhausted with the same faces that continue to form links with one another. Thus with first love comes first mistake. You don't know what you're doing... understandably. You're young.

Cheating is a mistake, but like falling off a bike the first time you ride it, it's essential in making you the best bicyclist you could possibly be. You know the moves, the speed, the balance for the perfect ride/relationship, but after the fall you understand the pain and what went wrong so that you can avoid it in the future.

But I guess the question really is - do cheaters really learn? I feel that most do. Youngins cheat because they are still learning and growing, but people well integrated in the community cheat because there is a problem with the relationship that they are unable to communicate. With that said, i think a more interesting question is.. WHY do people cheat?

Just because they've cheated in the past doesn't mean that they are destined to never be commited. I give slack to new gays to make mistakes and optomistically believe they have grown from it. (Even though it seems so UNforgivable and ghastly). For folks who find themselves cheating over and over again there is a larger issue at hand. Possibly that they are sex hungry and argue that they are capable of seperating sex from emotion (which lots of gays would agree with.. its like masturbating with a friend.)

So I would say:
Once a sex hungry fiend always a sex hungry fiend. But even that you eventually grow out of.

Give the “cheater” a chance, but protect yourself at the same time (they still may be a sex fiend). Be realistic, mature and understanding. But when it comes to it I prefer being in an open relationship than being cheated on because it means being honest.  And who knows maybe you will be the one to turn that “notorious cheater” around - statisfying them emotionally and sexually.


thwany said...

i agree. people cheat due to other issues that are unrelated to their cheating, and until they deal with those issues, they will most likely continue with the same behavior.

Alex C. said...

I leans towards the belief that "once a cheater always a cheater." I know that probably isn't the case, but I sometimes can't get over it.