Sunday, May 31, 2009

A Whole New World

I convinced ThE to sing a Whole New World with me.

Epic Fail

Children waiting for the day they feel good, happy birthday. Happy Birthday.

This year, I wanted a modest birthday to compensate for my reckless one last year. I didn't want to have a, "hey look at me, celebrate me, love me, I am special - day" because I'm not special.

I turned off the facebook birthday reminder so that my wall would be free from messages and even though my birthday landed on a Saturday, I didn't plan anything.

Heh and maybe that wasn't such a good idea: reminding myself of my mediocrity on a day that I'm supposed to feel somewhat higher than usual... didn't really do much but make me feel shitty.

==

But that's not to say I had a bad birthday; on the contrary! Folks wished me a happy a birthday, I had a great Lunch with my family and my boys made me awesome things for my room before falling asleep from exhaustion because they stayed up hours working on the projects!! (they are so cute). ^.^ Oh and MoaNy who partied harder than me the day before was hung over. tragic

And a new tradition has been started: Sangria on your birthday is a must.

But I realize that you shouldn't let your birthday pass you by without saying anything. I am not an old man who lives alone with a cat. I am in my 20's and I need to celebrate my youth BEFORE I become that old man with a cat.

So to compensate for this year, I have decided that my 25th birthday is going to be larger than life. I should start planning now.

Thank you everyone who wished me a happy birthday! :] Cheers to that.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Holding on to my Morals.

D: REALLY!?
Me: Yup
D: Why not? Making out at the clubs is fun.
Me: I guess.

Gosh, folks think I'm such the slutty Dragon rat...
Yes People, I have never made out with someone at the club!!!

==

I ran into an old floormate from the dorms.. after a couple of drinks

Boy: Yeah! I just came out like a year and a half ago.. I'm really new to this.
Me: *intrigued and turned on*
Boy: Yeah, I've been suppressing my true feelings for a long time
Me: *drags boy to dance floor while saying hi to um.. 10 people*
Boy: You're really popular
Me: I come here too often. I'm not a slut, I swear. *commences close dancing on hip-hop floor*
Boy: Are you flirting with me? I'm so bad at this.
Me: You're cute
Boy: I always thought you were cute too, but I have to go. Something to do in the morning
Me: *follows boy to car 3 blocks away... while holding hand*
Boy: I'm really glad, I ran into you... you're really friendly.
Me: *smiles*
Boy: I guess I'll see....
Me: *pushes face in and makes out for...30 seconds on the streets of SF*
Boy: Slutty slut slut *walks into the car and leaves* call me.

==

While I walked back to the club, I look at my clock: 11:59pm.

Do you think this counts as "making out at the club?" because technically, I wasn't at the club and no one saw me to judge. But you guys can judge me... as usual. lol.

==

DJ SYSKO was so good, so ghetto, so awesome. He played REAL Hip hop and I seriously got hyphy. I think I scared some folks shaking my dreads, and throwing elbows so intensely. I was sad that some of my gay friends weren't ghetto enough to enjoy it and found shelter on the FOB, Gay Stereotype floor... *cough* I mean High Energy, House Music Floor =X (I'm sorry.. I really hate it.) And I got really sad, when no one knew the cupid shuffle.... I guess I have to go to the dirty south for that one.



I'd like to go to a club where everyone knows this... I think it might have to be one in Oakland.

The rest of the night was well behaved. :] Met some out of town cuties, but I guess I'm only confident with the noobs. Gosh, when does this fetish end?!

==

And I really do appreciate your comments! I have no idea who follows my feeds. Lol.

Friday, May 29, 2009

My Parents... were recording a song.

So... my parents recorded a song at their friend's professional-esk studio:

I'm not shitting you.



This is why you weren't picking up your phones?!?!?!? Oh God.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Spicy Salsa!

So Andre invited me to go to some Free Salsa Lessons in Japantown San Jose!

And I'm like, FUCK YEAH!

BTW, my cousins dances Salsa competitively, she's the hottie in the blue:



The class was awesome. The teacher has obviously done this class too many times- his words were dry like a tutorial. I was actually proud that he was Asian.

As more students filled the room, I noticed that there were WAY too many guys. Strange. Soon Andre had to leave and I stayed by my lonesome. As I rotated partners, I felt as if the girls were giving me strange looks as if I was a creeper.

Calm down, I'm fucking gay.
Maybe because I was unshaven and my hair was a mess and my shirt was stained (i came straight from the gym)

And because there were too many guys, I found myself with out a partner a good number of the rotations. Initially, I felt a bit suave for picking up the steps, but as the patterns got harder, I actually sucked badly. My Swing Dance rhythm messed me up and I was getting a bit frustrated.

So I left. But I'm not defeated.
These classes are free, please join me. Please?


I know you would take them with me Michelle NooYen.
==

Next week, he invited me to Aztec Dancing!!! Woot woot. Hopefully he doesn't leave early again.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Friends and Lovers

Multiple Lovers
At the South East Asian Graduation ceremony at Berkeley, Christine alleviated me of loneliness. We basically cuddled on the wooden floor as graduating seniors said their teary thank yous one by one. Her touch was warm... I absolutely love her.


We had a discussion about Polyamory (having multiple lovers). The problem with monogamy is envy... we get jealous when the people who are special in our lives interact romantically/sexually with others (for understandable reasons). In a way, the people that we care about become a possession. "He's mine, back off... get your own man." Who are we to claim others as ours?

==

Legacy of SEA and Sky
JV, who posses the biggest heart I know, was the last to go on the stage. It was there that he invited his grandma who's never been on a college stage to come up with him and accept the diploma. He proudly stated to the 50 families before him: when we earn a degree, our family earns a degree with us. Our successes are a reflection of our family's successes. His powerful words tugged me as he adorned his confused little grandma with his sashes, leis and hugs her proudly. "This is for you."


==

Affection
Seyron used his guilty powers and got me to travel to Berkeley again to see him before he leaves. Seyron considers me his Kuya, like JV does, so of course I must come to see him when he sends an invitation. Appropriately while I was feeling lonely (as were a lot of people I knew).

As we strolled the streets of Berkeley with his arm comfortably around my shoulder, I realized that I wish I had been more public about my affection while I was a student. That's right, i wish I was MORE touchy!



To me, we are a society that needs more touching from guys (gay or straight). We need to be reminded with subtle/blunt touches that we care for one another at that instant. I am a proponent of BroMance and tasteful PDA. Oh and I wish I ate at CheeseBoard Pizza while I was there. North Side was such a mystery to me!

==

Friends Scattered
We saw Star Trek, the non stop action left my heart beating irregularly and the quick dialogue left my brain struggling. But it was nice to catch up with the rest of the world.

I visited Miwa who is an old lady now. She works then sleeps at 10pm in her Emeryville home with her husband and dog. She kicked me out after reminiscing when her bed time came so I called my nocturnal buddies Charles and Huan:


An emergency snack and Huan without his MoHawk... nasty!

Huan has a new boo in his life, who I find adorable. =X The boy complimented my textured hair!

After my trip, I realize that my friends weren't out of touch... I'm beginning to understand why people travel to see good friends. I am an idiot for letting traffic and gas prices deter me from surround myself with the company that I obviously posses (I have no right to feel lonely). If only I didn't fall asleep at the wheel.

Huan & Charles are looking for a 3rd roommate, and I am plan B. I think it would be a smart thing to do to move in with them. For me to settle with any job to make rent, force me to be independent... I hope something comes up with that other guy =X

==

The day before, I celebrated Memorial Day with Caitlin and Joe with some Sangria Pong... because we're classy. Joe has been really loyal to me... despite how popular he is. :D





I know, I know.. I only own two V-necks, give me a break, Im trying to catch up with the other gays.

==

Flirting
Today I flirted with Craig (despite knowing he has a boo =X) and he reciprocated.
I sat next to him, looking at his cute face. He must have noticed and so he doodled on my notebook: "Hi! :]" My heart sort of skipped a beat.

Why do you tease me? The mutual doodling distracted me and class was over quickly. I asked for his screen name (because a phone number would be too forward) and left him quickly playing the "cool guy card," then skipped to my car when he was out of sight.

I think I'm setting myself for utter failure.... unless polyamory is a part of his vocabulary. I like that idea: multiple lovers... sounds like the most honest thing gay guys can do.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Anyway!

I'm not even on accutane yet. Are you guys excited?!
Sorry for being a downer.

==

Last night was brilliant. My friend, Tiffany, who works for the advertising agency, was in town and I showed her lovely downtown San Jose. I learned a new term for being drunk: Smoshed... cool.

We Karaoked (o-town biiitch), danced, hookahed and LaVics until 2am. Gay bar, dive bar, early 90s bar. The sake bar was closed and we bypassed the clubs that had the audacity to charge 10-20 bucks on a Sunday.

It was so pleasant to have her by my side. Bouncing back and forth in conversation- because we have good chemistry even though we haven't talked in a century.

She forwarded my resume to her CEO. Hopefully, I get in. I'd move to LA... and that doesn't sound like a bad idea. I love the Yay Area. I HATE LA, but... you know what? let's do something different.

:[ I didn't have my camera.. so no pictures with Tiff. These are from Saturday.

==

Thanks for the encouraging words you guys! :D. They were giving out free girl's underwear the other day. What do you think?

==

What I like about Straight clubs:

1. Awesome music, top forty shit and Hyphy dancing.
2. Bumping shoulders with straight guy friends, throwing our arms in the club like we rule the place.
3. And the adrenaline you get from hitting on a guy and not knowing if he's gonna kick your ass or ask you out.




What I hate about Straight clubs:
1. Creepy guys standing on the sidelines who don't dance, but rather EYE rape everyone
2. Slutty girls who get into girl fights.. pushing and shoving for no god damn reason.
3. Dress code. I had to wear a jacket over my "inappropriate white t." You serious?!

Girl lost some extensions!

Voodoo is now my club of choice in San Jose.

==========

Congratulations class of '09. Especially you, JV. You are my adding.. or subtracting... or whatever that Pilipino term is. I have no pictures with you in my camera :[

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Constructive Negative Feelings

On Friday, I felt an overwhelming sensation of loneliness. Not because it's spring and I desire LOVVVe... that's whatever. But a ... I miss having, a homeboy, a wing man, saying "that's my BOIIII" sort of loneliness.

I don't like having to jump from friend to friend so often. I like having a clique, a best friend. I feel like I have become, in general, a peripheral friend, an after thought. I think this is due to the fact that I've been going to things by myself... such as graduation parties.

I took that negative energy and decided to be productive. I scanned my music library for songs on loneliness and drafted a script for an awesome EMO music video for youtube involving getting out of bed, scrolling jobs and walking my dog. I began to laugh at myself. Loneliness is such a common, normal feeling... i reassure myself.

And for some reason about 5 (magic number) of my friends contacted me about their loneliness about them moping around for some reason or another. SO I had an impromptu Resident Evil Party that involved screaming and "back seat game playing" until 2AM.

==

So... I've met a couple of folks. They asked me where I went to school and I said Berkeley and they go... "Ohhh Sorrrrryyyy."

WTF?! Is it the way I'm saying it? I'm just going to say a UC next time. God.

==

I just accused my parents of being irresponsible. And then I broke down.

I'm thinking that I've let everything that I'm not happy with build up. I refuse to mope. I refuse write as if I am mad at the world. I refuse to let myself be consumed with needless negativity. And the moment I felt abandoned by my family, I broke down.

"Irresponsible is a very strong word Christopher, it was our fault, but you don't have to right to accuse us of that with this one incident." I turned around and walked away before my parents became confused at my reaction... When I got my DUI, my parents didn't accuse me of irresponsibility.

And I absolutely have no right to feel this way... once again my life is an apple pie. I feel a little ungrateful, ridiculous, childish. But I guess, I just needed to let some bottled up feelings go...

...because, that's natural.

Hero

I also want to be the one to pull the red handle. Red is a very distracting color.

3:30 AM Pissed off Session

I'm getting a bit annoyed when folks don't respond to texts or when they don't call back once they see a missed called... for one reason or another.

About 5 of my friends did that to me this weekend and you know what. Fuck off.
I'm not even going to bother calling you anymore.

What topped the cake was when my brother called me at 1am while I was out and asked to be picked up because mom and dad weren't responding tohis calls. I texted my parents, got no response so I sobered up and went to pick up my brother at 3AM to find out that my parents swung by 10 minutes earlier.

I was so pissed, I knocked on their bedroom door and in the most perturbed voice said, "NEXT TIME, when you can't pick up Shannon (my younger brother) please let me know." My mom responded that she wasn't aware that Shannon called me... I uttered, "ridiculous" and closed the door.

I love that my parents party, but this is getting out of control.

=end rant=

Friday, May 22, 2009

I Miss Straight Friends

"Aw yeah, that's one of my best friends. He's gay too. He's just like you.. chill and not flamboyant."

HAHAHAHA! Wait until you see me excited.

After chilling with my cousin and her posse of 30+ urban-Asian-American-north-san jose-Dave and buster folks from Independence/Piedmont, I realized that I miss hanging out with straight people. Man, they were all so nice and chill and my cousin was such a mess. She threw her gum on the floor and quickly picked it up before we were kicked out.


==

So.. thanks to my investigator, it is confirmed that doodling Craig from class is gay. YES
But also, he is taken. NO

GayDar = Epic Win
SingleDar = Fail Whale!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

"hey... it's me"

While waiting for my rideshare I observed this guy who just arrived. He picked up his phone and dialed, "hey... it's me... hello?" Bad reception.

At what point in our relationship with others are we allowed to substitute our name with 'me?' It's not a guessing game, it's subtle sign that your voice is so important that by saying 'me' you're also saying...

"it's me... I miss you."
"it's me... I love you."
"it's me... remember that time...."
"it's me... I'm here for you."
"it's me... I'll never leave you."

This is the opposite of... "hey, I'm sorry, I got a new phone.. who is this?" Which translates to...
"I'm sorry.. you're not important enough to be transferred."

Just an observation.

.... God you're so cute.

I sat next to the cute boy in class today.
I flirted with him a lot, caught his name... asked him questions.

I observed his fingers... his hand writing.
I asked about his job, his career goals.

It was obvious that I was interested in him. I'm pretty sure he wasn't interested in me. How do I know? Aside from a couple of smiles, our conversation showed that he was more into answering questions about himself than asking something about me... a clear, yet subtle indication of disinterest.

I pointed to the shooting star he drew on his notes. "I like to doodle." He shrugged.
God he's so cute.

I finally asked his name.
"Craig"
"Chris..." we shook hands firmly. "Good luck on the test next week."
"heh.. yeah..." He smiled that adorable smile and I stumbled out of class.

And I repeated his name as I drove home.

Next week, I'll talk to him again, but I don't want to make moves. I already showed interested. I batted my eyes, played with my hair, twitched as if I was standing in front of someone I wanted to ask to prom.

If nothing is said, I'm going to wait for the last day of class... I have it planned.
"Um... Hey, I was wondering if you'd be interested in going on a date... or something."
"...heh... why do you think I like guys?"
"I don't... I'm just interested... and I hope you're interested back..."

And.. because it's the last day we both have an exit from such an awkward situation.


==

I've reaffirmed that pictures mean a lot to me. I'm realizing what pictures I've lost and I find myself having sort of a mild anxiety attack. I think... the policy that I place: "if there are no pictures, it didn't happen" I take too literally.

I fear that because I lose pictures, I lose memories. I feel like I am too sentimental and it has kept me from moving forward...

My hard drive is fucked, these back up DVD's are unreadable and it would take me days to upload what I have left on an overpriced photohosting site.

...this is my weakness.
Take my dog, but spare my photographs.

OMG and now this: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8060407.stm

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

GAM4GAM Generation

While hanging with LA gays. (JR saved me) I ended up in Long Beach where I had a discussion with other gays about the GAM4GAM (Gay Asian male 4 Gay Asian Male) Experience.

This is for my generation of gays. There was no downelink, but rather there was findapix (a website that enabled you to make a profile... a very limited profile and then folks rated you) and the term "downe" was becoming popular. Findapix was pre-myspace/frendster... findapix was very self indulgent. Findapix was the beginning of angled shots and good lighting.

I think this was my findapix "picture"

The emerging popularity of the internet during the late 1990's, early 2000's gave an outlet for tech savvy Asians to experience their interest in a subculture: gay and AZN PRIDEZ. (While trying to download music off Napster, Kazaa, Morpheous.. whatever)

Ah yes.. remember these AZN cartoons that reinforced the fashion and hairstyles?

That's how we "identified each other." By simply putting ~~**~***downe***~**~~ in our findapix profile, in our xanga, in our angelfire/geocities webpage.. we were able to meet others who we could identify with. And maintain a sort of secret society.

==

With AOL Chatrooms came:
a/s/l ?

16/M- Viet/ San Jose. Hi's were unnessessary. Info first.
and then you would have to type it again because it would get lost in the chatroom.
ROLL CALL!

These chatrooms would get full and folks would keep pressing the ENTER button because there was a number cap. Hopefully, someone would leave and they could join.

Our screen names were ethnically prideful and very symmetrical.... and apparently Angels and Dragons were our favorite creatures. .. And I think there was something wrong with the shift key

xoxAZNange1Babyxox
PiNoYFiRe84
lilVietbOilil
DrGn4Eva310


And with our doors closed and our mommies making dinner we discretely had conversations with Gay strangers from random parts of the US. There were those who were discrete and had nothing in their AIM profile. Others had all the information you needed.

We were eager to give out our phone numbers, but hesitant to make calls because we didn't want those numbers to appear on the phone record. "You sound cute.. let's talk on the phone." And we would freak out when our parents noticed that strange area code.

For those who took risks... phone sex was involved. (Let me remind you there were no webcams.)

With 56K, we were excited about the speed:
Be right back, my parents need to use the phone... this was an understanding and those who had two lines were very privelidged.

And with new computers we were capable of flirting confidently:
This is for you: @~~}~~~ 143

143 (I Love You in pager code... not 413 because I'm a FOB)
We were the generation between pager code and LOL.

==

I wonder if any of my readers in their mid 20s to late 20s know what I'm talking about.

I'm sure you remember Sandstorm:

Craigslist Ride Share.. cuz I'm a BOSS.

do i marry kokoum... steady as the beating drum?

Sandy has traveled through California using Craigslist Ride share for a while and I figured, I can do it to save myself some cash. I posted an ad, but no one responded.

Ride 1
I was set to go home via Vietnamese Bus for 40 bucks and waited at Union station when I got a call at 9:30am. This pleasant sounding girl and I agreed to meet in one hour for her to take me back to San Jose for 25 bucks (in response to my ad).

She didn't show up and I called her. "I'm sorry, we're late... we are stuck on the side of the road, but someone is getting us gas... we see the beach!!!... oh, do you know any one we can pick up in Santa Barbara?"
"Um.. we're stopping in Santa Barbara?"
"Yes, and Cal Poly SLO, i have to drop off mail.... anyway.. We are on our way, we will see you soon."
*red flag*

Ride 2
I get another phone call, "hello, are you still interested in a ride share. I'm going tomorrow. Straight up to San Jose." She sounded sweat and sane.
"I actually already have a ride, but I'm a bit hesitant.... the people seem a bit crazy."
"Oh geez... well, I'm normal and a college student. I'm just visiting my mom."
"Okay.. hmm.. you know what I think I'd rather go with you, but let me get back to you."

Ride 3
I get a third call, "YO, you still need a ride share?" He sounded thuggish.
"Maybe... when are you going?"
"I'm actually changing my tires.. then I'm gonna go." I think I heard him pull out a switch blade. 510 area code... oakland. he sounded a little scary.
"Um.. I think I have a ride. Thanks for calling."

====

Okay, caller number 1 was really late. It was 12. Two hours after our agreed time.... So I was thinking to myself. Why not have an adventure. Why not take the windy roads of 101 and pick up more strangers... but.. something doesn't feel right. Let's be cheap about this. So I called them back. "Hello?" A dude answers the phone.
"Hi.. who is this."
"Oh this is a traveling buddy.. sup?"
"So I was thinking, would it be okay if I knocked off 5 bucks? I mean you guys are 2 hours late and the girl didn't tell me you were going to make two other stops."
"Oh well.. she only has 30 bucks on her.. we're trying to make this work... and there was a miscommunication, she didn't realize that downtown LA was dense."
"Oh... um... so where are u guys from?"
"Idaho state, we took a trip to Mexico and tried to chill in California, but yeah.. we want to get out of here."
"Um.. cool. You know.. I don't think I'm feeling this ride share."
"We're almost where you are.. do you want us to say hi and bye to you or hello and good day."
I was stunned that he gave me such a snide response. "How about this, I'll call you back, you think about it."

I called back caller number 2. "I'd like to go with you tomorrow. Thank you so much."

Caller number 1 called back. "So we're on main street."
"Yeah, I'm really sorry.. I'm just not feeling this."
"Yo, it's okay man... we'll just keep heading north."
"alright thanks so much, good luck."
"No thank you."
"Okay.. bye now."
"no really thank you so much."
"it's cool."
"Thank you."

What a dick.

I felt like Pochantas in front of two river paths.

I'm really glad I chose Kokoum. The windy road of John Smith looked dangerous. Who travels California with only 30 bucks? Even though I was itching for an adventure. I didn't want to be obligated to dish out more than i needed to. Right. I think he was trying to make me feel bad by already getting there.. but I could tell by talking to him that I hated him.

And then I was stranded in downtown LA for one day. No worries, I found some gays to rescue me. (I love that)

==

Anyway. I got home safe with Caller number two... this awesome girl with Hairy legs and smelly pits. We drove up while she chomped on Carrots and listened to Norah Jones. (She recommended eating hot cheetos and cream cheese)
We had good conversations and both loved Giraffes and unagi.

She also introduced me to ChaCha. (242 242). It's a information service. Text that number and they will answer your question. Not robots, but actual people do the search for you. I decided to play with religion.

Question
"Would Jesus Vote No on Prop 8?"

Answer
"I personally believe that marriage should be between one man and one women. I think Jesus would feel the same way, He would have voted YES"

um.. how does your personally belief equal what Jesus would Do? Seriously.

==

Anyway. I'm back and tired and I love the Yay Area. LA sucks so much.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

In LA


Yesterday I went to a 3 dollar Theatre.
Today I went on a Hike to see a waterfall.
Tomorrow... Santa Monica Beach.

Apparently, I've know Alysia for 10 years. Hmmm... I love just hanging out.




Thursday, May 14, 2009

Texts From Last Night

This is the new FML. And ya'll know I can relate, yes I submitted.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com

Thanks Alex for the info!

==

My favorites (numbers are the area code)


(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

This reminds me Aaron
(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

(202): therell be strippers and coke right?
(703): no strippers. just coke.
(202): i hate this fuckin recession

(909): It's Friday. Sex?

(612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

This one reminds me of Michelle N.
(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.

(978): Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.

(507): I want your puppy
(507): I meant pussy
(612): I would rather you take my puppy

This reminds me of Anthony
(202): I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha

Oh Western Medicine.


My doctor prescribed me accutane without knowing what that entailed.
(Accutane is THE Acne solution, but word on the playground is that it fucks up your liver and causes intense depression...)

"So Doxycycline didn't work?"
"Nope."

He made a pouty face as if he was in elementary school.

"I wanted to know your thoughts on accutane."
"I was just going to say something like that."

The doctor pulls out a book and reads to me the facts about accutane, which I could have read myself. "Stomach pains, dizziness, depression... suicidal thoughts... if that happens your friends would probably give me a call huh?" I chuckled... it was nice that he was lighthearted.

"Are you planning on getting pregnant?" My doctor has weird uncle humor.
"Nope!"
"Hmmm it says twice a day... doesn't say when."
"So.. breakfast and dinner?"
"Sounds good! Breakfast of champions!!" I think my doctor was on something.

"Alright!" He estimates how many milligrams I'm supposed to take based on my weight and does the math on a pad.
"Okay.. anything thing else?"
"Um... am I supposed to have monthly blood tests?"
He ponders for a second, "ooooo yes.. good idea." And he writes me a blood test slip to take a month later.

"So... um how much alcohol can I consume while on accutane?"
"Just don't go over board" He winks at me.
"So.. one drink."
"Two." He whispers while showing me two fingers and a creepy smile.

==

I went to the pharmacy.
"Did your doctor register you for the accutane program?"
"no... he just gave me this prescription."
"yeah... you need to enroll in a program and sign all these forms... you need to be more aware of the risks. Please call your doctor.

==

So apparently, my doctor hasn't prescribed Accutane "in a very long time." But I'm thinking he never prescribed it in his life. I was excited to bypass all the dermatology bullshit because it takes a month to even get an appointment... but... I guess the wait is worth not almost getting killed by malpractice.

Oh Western Medicine.

====

Joe keeps reminding me: When you're on accutane, you're going to be over analyzing everything. "why isn't he calling?! Why didn't they invite me?!? Why did he look at me like that?!?!?!" When he said this, I commented... so I guess most Gays are Already ON accutane..... DAHHH RAHHH MAAAA!!!!!!!!!! =.=

Monday, May 11, 2009

Totally Not Dateable

I was initially interested in a guy that I met legitimately but with everything I threw at him... the only thing that was reciprocated was "good friend" vibes.

So I turned to Aaron for advice. He simply responded, "next." To Aaron, the boy wasn't interested and there was nothing more to it. To me, you have to work for it... to "sweep them off their feet" to make them realize how dateable you are.

But with Aaron's advice, I reconsidered buying something with his favorite animal on it and dropping it off at his work. That would be... "too aggressive" as I apparently have known to be.

But he's right. If they're not initially interested (according to my observations)... there's nothing more to do, but to be the good friend that I'm expected to be... it also made me think about what it was like to be on the other side of the situation. (Ahh, I'm starting to get it.)

This boy particularly catches my attention because so far everything that I have seen, I like... trying to fall in love with my eyes open, he has met all my prerequisites except one superficial one and it makes me wonder what it is about me that doesn't fit with him.

Regardless, I enjoy his vibes and as always I can always use another friend.


Totally not dateable.

===

Gosh... boys on the brain, right?

In other news, I applied to volunteer at a Teen Help Hotline and they basically said that they are not interested in my free work.

Ok. Thanks.

I Think My Mother's Pretty


Happy Mother's Day.
I know I'm not the best son, but you're the best mom.

I feel like it's natural to feel like you're a disappointment to your parents. It sort of pushes you to be better, to be humble, to work hard to make someone, other than yourself, proud.

It's interesting to me how hard we work to "prove something" to our parents when most of the time they just want you to love them.

Right mom? You love me even though I'm a failure?



That's what I thought.
==

It's so sad, yet warm to see folks visit the cemetery during mother's day.

It's been 3 years since my grandma's death. When my brother prays.. I really think it's well thought out... I think he was most effected by her passing.

I'm absurdly lucky.

When You Are Constantly Reminded.

I sat down to eat with my parents and their friends. And almost immediately, this woman erupted about how ACCUTANE saved her life. BLAH blah blah. How the side effects they talk about are crap because why would be depressed if your skin looks good. BLAH BLAH.

Oh and my Hairdresser also gave me some skin tips that I didn't ask for while cutting a hole in my hair.

Like... I don't let my acne keep me from going out, from being social, from flirting... but this is just ridiculous.

SO.. Accutane, let's give you a try. I hope I don't get suicidal.

==

*edit*

I sort of want to keep my acne... to sort of test people ... and to meet folks who are more interested in other things rather than being fixated on my skin.

Joe just called me and warned me about the emotional roller coaster that I would be riding. Hmmm... I'm going to take this as a challenge and see how much in control, I believe myself to be.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Aggressive Drunk

I'm rolling at the ridiculous drunk text messages I sent last night.

"You're so cute. It's like when Europe meets Asia. An Earthquake happens, it's art."

"When you touch my body, it's ridiculous."

"I think about you when I sleep. You're so cute."

"Hugs & Kisses. In a straight way. Cuz you dope. Dat Gurl u wit is hot. Tap dat shit."



I know.. right. OMG.

==

Oo.. I ran into a straight friend.. and we were having a good time bumping shoulders. Hehe.. I love bro dancing!

==

And I got a haircut. I showed them the picture below. I know, i Know... different textures, why am i trying to be something I'm not.. I was hoping. Anyway. All I got's to say is... it's an interpretation of it.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Cute Boy in Class

Cute boy in class.

Step 1: Is he gay?
-Handwriting, really pretty and bubbly
-Voice, sort of gayish... sort of
-Facial Expressions, corky

Step 2: Is he interested?
-Smirked at me when he heard my Power Rangers ringtone...
-That's all...

ugh. He's so cute.
But one problem, he was wearing a t-shirt that one of my exes also has. WTF. Of all the clothing to own.



Next week I'll try to talk to him. I wonder what that silver ring on his middle finger means.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

April Recap

Not so productive.
Besides Gyming it up. Aaron and I have been regulars and we see a lot of other regular faces. We've decided to nick name them.

There is this really buff dude who wears a huge t-shirt with the sides missing. The holes are so big you can see his body muscles... especially his C cup pecs. We call him: Side Boob.

==

ANYWAY: April Recap in no order

My Cousin's Wedding Convention.
I ran into Yul Kwon and that guy from Myth Busters. I was too shy to ask for a picture.

So basically, my event planner cousin invited all of her vendors (photographers, caterers, ice sculptors, flower arrangers) to display their services. And about 600 folks came to see what "their wedding could look like." There were also models to show off wedding dress designs. The event was so beautiful.


7 Bamboo with Carl!
This place has character! Some country music, rock, pop and salsa! All different folks gather to sing in public while doing sake bombs. Love this place.


I successfully made the crowd cringe with my interpretation of Cher's "Believe"


In the City with Carl and Will :D


I love people watching with friends and talking about nothing.

Hanging out with Berkeley Folks.


I love culture shows. And I love how Christine fell asleep on my "inner thigh pillows!"

Willow Glen with Caitlin
We invented a new dessert call the LeHeart: Strawberry & Cookies & Creme Gelato.


Indian Food in Berkeley with Damien

He doesn't like to be in the spotlight. So here's the food we ate. He's a vegetarian, which is good because it forces me to eat more interesting things! It went well with the Indian Culture show we just watched.

Last Sushi Buffet with Carl

Seriously... we eat so much

Easter Egg Hunt with Caitlin's Family

I love Caitlin's family. They invite me over for their annual hunt. We decorate the eggs, the parents hide them and (before the recession) they would give us a quarter per egg. Then they made deviled eggs! How all American.

==

Two of my Spikey Haired Asian friends said to me.. "Your hair is so... ASIAN!" Are you shitting me? Their hair was more "ASIAN" than mine... Do you mean... ugly? old fashioned? long? strange? something my mom gave me?

My reaction should have been "really? Aww thanks!" Because. I'm Asian, I'm glad I look "Asian."

I think to resolve this, I should embrace those comments as compliments.... and respond with a thank you!

Hairchive
The "only thing ASIAN about it is that I AM ASIAN... thank you"