Sunday, November 15, 2009

Sunday Thoughts

Moving Forward

It's been four months since working at my job and this passed week I had a couple of fire drills that have caused me to be very exhausted. The sort of exhausted where you just want to lay there and die and "I need a drink" is not a possible quick fix to how I was feeling.

The most exhausting was making a mistake that required me to come in on Sunday for coworkers to check my work. My coworker comforted me, "don't worry, shit happens." But I know that the mistakes that I make were never made by him when he was an assistant. I feel like I'm losing trust with every thing I do needing to be double checked. I feel like I'm an intern and I'm making intern mistakes.

I need to be more thorough. I feel like I'm not where I should be after working for four months. I want to be amazing, not just okay. And as every one on my team uses the line, "moving forward..." whenever I do something wrong I feel a chill down my spine... "fail, fail, fail."

I don't mind being a workaholic, I want to be good... I sound like such a newb at work life.

Not Better Than Anyone Else

Friday after a terrible day I work, I went to eat with a friend and his friends. When I got there, I was whiny because I couldn't find parking and I think it is ridiculous to do Valet for my truck. I was 2 inches from driving home, but my friend persuaded me to stay.

I was having an overpriced meal with a group of clean cut LA Asian Gays with perfect skin and 40+ dollar haircuts. Each one of them reminded me of someone from the bay. They were all very attractive, so pretty... but I'm not really interested in pretty. It's like looking at models in magazines- aside from the shapes and lines they create, there's no more substance than a clothes on hanger.

As I grabbed a dish and emptied it on my plate, I confessed that I hate wasted food and feared that the waiter would take it away. This elicited a response, "Balla on a budget baby, you go boy." To this I responded, "it's not being on a budget... it's the idea of wasting good food."

The boy who responded to me was very rude to the waiter at the beginning of the night, "you have to be aggressive if you want any service" he was demanding, I felt bad for the service.

I complimented another boy's blazer- it looked so good on his all American body. I waited for him to reveal the European brand that I would not recognize. To my shock he told me that he bought it at Goodwill and never buys any clothing over $30 in a neutral tone that wasn't embarrassed or pretentious. I talked to another boy who worked for a Cancer research company.

I realized at that point that while I label pretty boys of LA to nothing but plastic, that I am at fault for jumping to conclusion that all the apples in the barrel are inedible when indeed there are a couple of ones that are juicy, flavorful and delicious with cheese... in edition to being the perfect red.

It's interesting how acting "better than someone." Can come from all angles. Thinking you're better because you can afford things, better and entitled to immediate food service, better because you know gel works for your hair. But you can also think that you're better because you don't waste money on stupid things like valet, better because you don't waste food, better because you are thrifty.

And in the end... when I act "better" than someone who I define as plastic... I am no "better" than they are because I am judging them them same with my own definitions. And it's ironic that I avoid pretentious people... when by definition, I am being pretentious myself.

But I guess, it's a lesson. Even though they are pretty, dress well, etc etc... doesn't mean they are without substance.... and getting to know them instead of assuming is... better.


Vimesh said...

Talking about being pretentious ..i think u nailed the coffin..when we judge someone are we not act holier than thou..however may be its the people whom we call plastic are acting stupid themselves..

where we draw the line

yes people at times are snobbish...but i feel its all in our mind if we act natural i am sure it would not effect us...

for example i can write all this like a new age guru..but when it comes to me i think i would be the one easily getting pissed off by someones behavior..haha

Damien said...

Good entry Chris.

Alex C. said...

Awesome entry buddy - I am glad you came to the realization that being stylish, image conscious and indulging don't make you shallow and plastic. My friends and I wanna look but we have a heart of gold underneath!