Friday, October 9, 2009

His Friends


I finally understand how difficult it is to meet the friends of the guy you're dating.

I've always believed that if you're dating someone you need to make the extra effort to impress the guy's friends- let them get to know you. These are his friends that will always be there for him. These are the people that are one step away from being as important as his family. You are just some guy he's dating... replaceable. "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends" sort of philosophy.

I met the boy's best friend today along with his roommate who I already knew, but together these folks made an overwhelming combination of inside jokes, off beat humor and a dynamic that was impenetrable. They also shared a language that further made me feel like an outsider.

I felt awkward, intrusive and actually.. turned off and because of these feelings, I lost the desire to make an extra effort to give a good impression. And I came off being bored, uninterested and standoffish.

I actually asked him to take me home after the meal because I was so uncomfortable and overwhelmed. When I got home I felt so relieved to be out of there.

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So from now on, when one of my good friends is dating someone new, I won't be so harsh, because I understand now that it's almost impossible to wedge yourself between friends who have some much history. It's a lot of pressure. And I know that I can be a bit overwhelming... especially with me when I'm with my friends. It's a bit obnoxious.

It was nice to put it in perspective.
And I'm trying not to let this affect my dating experience with him.

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