Tuesday, August 18, 2009

In this Huge City...

My Cubicle is more like a cubby hole with my desk facing outward. It’s better. I don’t have to hide what I have on my screen, but it’s bad because folks can tell I’m fucking around because of the ear to ear grin and random outbursts of laughter because I am chatting with other Guppies. I don’t have much of a pokerface.

So I went on a date with the boy I met legitimately then I went night clubbing with him and proceeded to inadvertantly ignore him the whole night. The morning after I told him that we should be friends.

It’s rare for someone to express interest in me. He liked that I was a big kid. I was flattered, and wanted to give myself the opportunity of getting to know him. Sadly, nothing sparked and naturally, I filed him under “good friend” as I do with all my gay encounters as of late. We cuddled at night and he asked for a kiss. I was friendly, but nothing went beyond.

That night, folks told me that I looked like I had a thing for my roommate, Ernesto. I guess that makes sense, we have good chemistry… friend chemistry. But I guess the same thing happened with other boys who I proceed to be affectionate with, yet feel no need to do anything more.

Does that make me picky? That I, being in LA for 5 weeks, have yet to hook up with anyone or be interested in anyone? That someone who expresses clear interest in me is quickly denied by my heart/mind? .. and that seemingly all I want is a good company and a friendly cuddle buddy?

I don’t desire a boyfriend. Nor do I desire a hook up. I just want company. I have become another LA resident waiting for others to run into me… to be touched.


I ‘m having dinner tonight with this dude named Cyrus. He’s half Japanese, half Persian. My intrigue in cultures amplified because he was a part of two. I haven’t talked to him in years, but he’s making the effort to see me. During my Sophomore year I hit on him. I remember him saying, “…. I don’t do those things…” we were drunk, I don’t remember what I said to him previously. We were outside of house party and my weird crush on him disappeared as he persued Japanese girls in school outfits.

I don’t know what to expect tonight. He wants to get drinks. But I’m taking it for what it is: another LA resident excited to show off their neighborhood.. their specialty in this huge city.


dannie said...

i don't think you've been another LA resident. you're you...an individual from the BAY :]

dannie said...
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