Friday, July 17, 2009

The theme of this blog is appropriately: trying to grow up.

I was taken by surprise today.

I am a very public person, which is good and bad, but I feel as though when you care about something, a family member, a position, a career people in general put their best foot forward.

This is not how I operate. I will put my stinkiest big toe with a stained sock forward. I don't mind sharing with you my weaknesses and faults because they are just as a part of who I am as my successes and best camera angle.

This blog isn't an anonymous blog. A good number of my friends read it and I encourage it... but as I am getting into actually doing something for my career, I need to reconsider what's important to me and speaking my mind about work may have to be limited to friends and not the general public to be used against me.

This is difficult. I consider my blog my best friend. But for the sake of separating my professional life from my personal life.. I must be muted. And my stinky toe needs to be wrapped in a nice dress sock for work, but it's difficult when it's very casual there.

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I have learned today that I can make people uncomfortable. I have learned today that you have to spend a lot of time with a person before you are comfortable pushing limits. And merely knowing someone doesn't mean you have a deep understanding or relationship with them.

I am saddened by the fact that I made someone uncomfortable. I am saddened that my big stinky toe really shocked someone... and I couldn't just laugh it off to save my life.

I am left feeling weird. I appreciate that I was approached, that there was an exchange, communication, because we are all trying to grow up, but I didn't know that I could make people uneasy.... really uneasy.

I dunno. I guess, the take-me-for-what-I am policy doesn't really apply all the time, especially at work. Work is work... And if you love it so much, you want to keep it as far away as possible from your personal life .... ... I guess that's just how it works... We separate and adjust our personalities so that we don't make others uneasy. Introducing: Work Chris & Fun Chris. Compartmentalized.

2 comments:

dannie said...

i don't think you should completely mute your fun side, just a little bit would be good. Remember it's work first :]

Alex C. said...

Welcome to the professional world. I have that turmoil too and hence the censoring on my own blog. I do agree and think it is a shame because my personal life is not a reflection on my work potential.

Does being a drag queen on the weekend mean one cannot be VP of Engineering from 9 to 5 if the person had the amazing credentials to back it up?

~A