Monday, December 29, 2008

Winter Weakness

"Bring your toothbrush, I'm picking you up." It was 1:30am and I was buzzed. After we got ready for bed, he basically pushed me in the shower.

I really wanted to go on a date at least... but he declined it for "another time." I found out later, the boy "hates games.. if [he] likes it, [he] goes for it." Literally, apparently.

I hung out with him a couple of days before, he stole a kiss after I flirtatiously nibbled on his ear. I guess I should have known he was stripped of emotions when his tongue was already out.

==

It was interesting. Not much was done... I kept respectable boundaries (I don't just give it all away if that's what ya'll be thinking), nothing needed to be cleaned. He had a nice body to touch and he was a good kisser. I wasn't that horny. And cuddling didn't feel right. It was empty. Empty because it was sexual... not friendly, not romantic... just SEXUAL. This wasn't what I wanted; I knew what I was getting myself into. I just wanted some holiday company. Just like EVERYONE ELSE! And this wasn't it, but it was fun.

==

The morning after I had terrible gas. The bathroom was about 2 yards from the bed. I couldn't hold it in. I went in and flicked the light, praying that there was some sort of fan to drown out my sounds. Nope. I grabbed a used towel and stuff it between the door and the floor so that he would less likely to hear me.

I let is out slowly.

....it seemed to be a Survivor Challenge, I was sweating bullets... and instead of a quiet hiss.. it was an orchestra playing the 1812 Overture with Canons! FOR 3 MINUTES!!!!!!!

Ladies, be careful with what you eat before you sleep over.

When I came out, I was reminded at how quiet his room was, he had definitely heard everything. Not only did I sink battleships, I probably killed a couple of whales.

==

Holiday company... what is that? Well, I want to hold hands with someone ice skating, watch a movie under a blanket, introduce them to my friends, smother them in gifts and kisses. Take hundreds of pictures with them. etc etc.

As I scroll my contacts, I can't imagine doing that with ANYONE... except one person. And all I can do is text them a 'Merry Christmas' because I'm tired of being so weak. I wonder, DO they even think about me? I convince myself that they don't, but I wish they did. Can I see you one more time?

Pathetic

==

"Don't tell anyone. My sex life is on the down low." Of course. The boy was mildly upset that I had already told Joe about him. Would I "meet up with him again?" Maybe. but unlike what my mom believes, I don't need "release" because I can take care of that shit by myself, shoot. But if I hold my OWN hand ice skating, I'd go in a circle!

I WILL OVER COME WINTER!!!!

3 comments:

dannie said...

ah you're not the only one going a bit crazy due to the winter and holiday season.

Luuworld said...

love your definition of 'holiday company'! :-D

Alex C. said...

I am so there with you.

~A