Thursday, December 4, 2008

Restrooms and Restaurants

Most people would “hold it in” until they got home. There’s just something about taking a shit in your own home that frees you from stress... maybe because you have very good reading material.


But for those who just can’t hold it for that long, especially during school or work, you gotta just suck it up.


Americans are funny. We believe that a thin piece of tissue paper placed between our ass and the toilet seat will protect us from harm’s way. HAHA, yeah right. I realized this when I was watching the "protective paper" disintegrating in the toilet in mere seconds. But of course, that doesn't mean I'd go bareback with the public toilet, that's just raunchy.

It’s just so much work. You go in select the cleanest toilet; if there are people around then you go up or down a floor to find a vacant restroom. Once decided, you make sure there’s toilet paper (or at least that’s what the smart person would do.) You grab a piece of toilet paper and clean the seat. Then throw that disease infected tissue into the toilet along with the residue of the shitter before you. Then place the seat cover on top and go to town.


Lately, I’ve been multitasking. I take the center piece of the seat cover and dab and blot the oil from my face while I do my business. It’s great.


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No one wants to shit at your friends house because you don’t want to be associated with those noises and smells. That’s why I carry matches when I go some where important! Eat that smell away! As for sounds, its all about ab control!


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It's helpful when they print the tip on the bottom of your receipt. For instance if your bill was $50, below the total, it would say,


"Suggested Gratuity: 15% = $7.50 20%=$10 25%=$12.50"


But it's NOT cool when they circle it.... I was tempted to to write: "YEAH RIGHT!" next to the circle.


Am I a bad person?


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Speaking of ridiculous prices. I was utterly offended when I went to Original Joe's in Downtown San Jose. I wanted to split a $12 "Lunch Special" Lasagna and they had the audacity to charge $5 to SPLIT IT!

THAT'S RIGHT! 5 DOLLARS TO SPLIT IT!!!!!

Yeah, I walked out of there was so much sass, my friend was very embarrassed. The rest of the day I told my friend what you could get for 5 dollars-


5 Dollar Foot Long at Subway

Trip to SF on the BART

Half Movie Ticket

ALMOST 3 Gallons of GAS!!!!

Valet Parking at Oakridge!


DOn't get me started on what you can get in VIETNAM!


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MmmM Hmmm!


1 comment:

dannie said...

damn wtf! we really are in an economic crisis if they charge for splitting the bill